relationships

Do I end this friendship??

LifeontheIsland Community Member November 16, 2008
  • Yesterday I went to the funeral of a friend. All of us that went were experiencing some anniversary grief, based on our own previous losses. Some people were hurting more than others, and some drank WAYYYYY too much. A woman who I have concidered a friend was very nasty to me toward the end of the evening and accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend. PAH-LEEEEEZE! She was kind of drunk (not that 'drunk' is an excuse) and she was very cruel and hurtful. She knows that I am dedicated to my husband, but she just had to take her pain out on me. I am so sick of women who do this to me. This woman is insecure because she is disabled and her boyfriend is mean to her. I swear, she made me so mad (hurt) that I wanted to throw her walker into the middle of the street! She didn't just leave it at accusing me of sleeping with her ugly boyfriend, she kept on saying hurtful things until I just put up my hand in her face and then walked away. I was in tears, she was so unkind.

    I've been nothing but kind to her. I've been a friend to her, and she treats me like that! She acts like we're in pre-school with her envy and cruel words.

    I've had to end hurtful friendships before, the last one being a friend I had for 11 years. The people who saw that I was upset said to just let it roll off of my back. Yeah...well, it didn't happen to THEM. I don't want to let it "roll off of my back", I want to end the friendship and not talk to her anymore. She had no reason to treat me that way. Even if she apologizes, I don't think I will be speaking to her anymore. I know she was hurting, I know she was drunk... but the INTENT was there to hurt me, whether or not she was drunk and hurting.

    I simply cannot let people be cruel to me anymore. I have too much to deal with to have "friends" who think they can treat me that way.

    My question is this: Do you think I am being too rash to end the friendship over this very hurtful incident, concidering the circumstances? I've pretty much already made up my mind, but would like an outside point of view. I'm so close to the forest that I can't see the trees, if you know what I mean.

    Also, I know that my BPD makes me less apt to put up with bullcrap from people. I just don't have it in me to be the forgiving sap that I used to be. I used to let everyone walk all over me. Does anyone else feel this way?

9 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Feb. 01, 2010

    I feel you did the correct thing for you.  I just recently cut off contact with a dear friend who is bi polar and dealt with her cruel comments and mode swings for three years.  The friendship was like a roller coaster and went in a different direction daily.  I cannot deal with the illness and I agree with you.  I do miss my friend but...

    RHMLucky777

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    I feel you did the correct thing for you.  I just recently cut off contact with a dear friend who is bi polar and dealt with her cruel comments and mode swings for three years.  The friendship was like a roller coaster and went in a different direction daily.  I cannot deal with the illness and I agree with you.  I do miss my friend but I do not miss the hurtful remarks she made.  Thanks Audrey

  • Anonymous
    Sue
    Jan. 04, 2009

    I had a very good friend that also accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend.  This is, of course, something that I would never do because I truly value my friendships.  She raged at me, spread lies about me, threatened to destroy me, hung up the phone when I tried to call her and sent me nasty e-mails.  All of this behavior came from "out of...

    RHMLucky777

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    I had a very good friend that also accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend.  This is, of course, something that I would never do because I truly value my friendships.  She raged at me, spread lies about me, threatened to destroy me, hung up the phone when I tried to call her and sent me nasty e-mails.  All of this behavior came from "out of the blue" and was just so completely unexpected and hurtful.  Additionally, it occurred during a difficult time in my life.  Several months later, she apologized to me.  However, I decided not to resume the friendship.  The months we were apart, I took an honest inventory of our friendship and I came to the realization that she had been abusive and hurtful to me for some time.  I also believe that if I had allowed her back into my life, this behavior would not end.  My guidance to you would be to stay away from this woman.  She will do nothing but bring you down with her negativity and, eventually, destroy you.

     

    Take Care,

     

    Sue

     

    • LifeontheIsland
      Jan. 12, 2009

      Thanks Sue, for your reponce! I agree with you.... If I let her back into my life, it would only be bad for me. It has been over a month, and she is STILL talking about me behind my back. She is jealous and unhappy. But that is not my problem. It is hers.

       

      I am sorry that you had to deal with the same type of behavior from a "friend". We are better off...

      RHMLucky777

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      Thanks Sue, for your reponce! I agree with you.... If I let her back into my life, it would only be bad for me. It has been over a month, and she is STILL talking about me behind my back. She is jealous and unhappy. But that is not my problem. It is hers.

       

      I am sorry that you had to deal with the same type of behavior from a "friend". We are better off without them.

       

      Thanks again. I value you and what you wrote to me. :-)

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Nov. 26, 2008

    You are bp and I take it this girl is bp.  I wonder how many bp individuals out there see themselves in your friend.  I do.  I was just thinking that many of us are aware of what our bp symptoms unwillingly do to us.  At least I am.  The percentage of bp persons that are substance abusers is over 70% or so I've heard. Add to that the...

    RHMLucky777

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    You are bp and I take it this girl is bp.  I wonder how many bp individuals out there see themselves in your friend.  I do.  I was just thinking that many of us are aware of what our bp symptoms unwillingly do to us.  At least I am.  The percentage of bp persons that are substance abusers is over 70% or so I've heard. Add to that the irritability that tags along, paired with an inability to keep ones mouth shut.  Now, I know you have been hurt by her actions and I'm sorry for that.  I, being someone who when under the influence of alcohol turns into a verbal slayer of others can understand what happened and the remorse afterwards.  Hurt people, hurt people.  For me, it has brought me to social isolation.  I know I can't drink, but it is everywhere!!!  At a funeral the emotions are so raw and can come out sideways and breath fire from within.  This combination gives your bp friend 0% chance of acting in a socailly exceptable way.  I would just hope you recognize the illness' that embraces her.   You are justified to not have anything to do with her.  I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive her one day.  I hope she can put away any pride she has and apologizes to you.  What a VERY sad thing to happen.  Unfortunately, bp's who drink cause TROUBLE and get close to 0% understanding or forgiveness.  So is the life of a bipolar alcoholic.  RUINED!!! 

    • LifeontheIsland
      Nov. 27, 2008

      Thanks for your responce.

       

      This woman has had two opportunities to apologize and has not even tried.

       

      I did find out from a mutual aquaintance of hers that she was caught in bed by her (now) ex-husband while she having sex with the boyfriend she is with now. No wonder she thinks all women sleep with other people's partners....

      RHMLucky777

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      Thanks for your responce.

       

      This woman has had two opportunities to apologize and has not even tried.

       

      I did find out from a mutual aquaintance of hers that she was caught in bed by her (now) ex-husband while she having sex with the boyfriend she is with now. No wonder she thinks all women sleep with other people's partners. Her guilt is showing!

       

      The more I've talked to our mutual friends about this, the more I am finding out that she's been talking about me behind my back and her jealousies of me have been festering for a long time, now.

       

      The incident was a culmination of her building jealousy (envy), festering resentment of me (because she doesn't get "all the attention anymore" {big wonder why, there - haha}, the sad, sad day, her grief, her guilt and her "need" to accuse someone of sleeping with her boyfriend - because he won't have sex with HER. She has a lot of mental problems, but of course she denies it. She has alcohol induced early onset dementia, and the damage the drinking has done has affected her brain so severely that she cannot hardly walk anymore. A very unhappy woman.

       

      I am steering clear of her. Forever.

  • polarbear
    Nov. 18, 2008

      Definetly , you are doing the right thing.  i am a bipolar

     alcoholic,  i dont drink anymore,  you do not have to put

     up with this person anymore. its not up to you to save

     the world,  although you care,  you should find a nice way

      to let go until she stops drinking.

    • LifeontheIsland
      Nov. 21, 2008

      Thank you for the reply! Yes, have decided to not have anything to do with her, pretty much for forever.

      I had another friend who was BP alcoholic and I had to end that friendship because of her cruel and unpredictable behavior.

      Protecting myself is important. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and she said the same thing - protect myself against people...

      RHMLucky777

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      Thank you for the reply! Yes, have decided to not have anything to do with her, pretty much for forever.

      I had another friend who was BP alcoholic and I had to end that friendship because of her cruel and unpredictable behavior.

      Protecting myself is important. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and she said the same thing - protect myself against people who would/will intend to hurt me, whether it be petty jealousies, or something more severe.

       

      Thanks again!

       

  • KodyD
    Nov. 17, 2008

    she sounds like a frign witch, forget her, friends come and go and sometimes for the better. sounds like you did a good job of keeping your emotions in check, i cant anymore i would have went off on her eventually. my meds do help my temper quite a bit, i can take alot more than i used to, but just do to the fact that that chicks so insecure and has issues...

    RHMLucky777

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    she sounds like a frign witch, forget her, friends come and go and sometimes for the better. sounds like you did a good job of keeping your emotions in check, i cant anymore i would have went off on her eventually. my meds do help my temper quite a bit, i can take alot more than i used to, but just do to the fact that that chicks so insecure and has issues i would have said something.

    • LifeontheIsland
      Nov. 17, 2008
      Kody, Thank you for your reply. It made me feel better. My temper can be hard to control, too - but like you said - the meds help. I wanted to go off on her so bad... After she said that to me, she went into the bathroom and I swear, if I wasn't worried about being 86'd from the pub I would have taken her walker and put it somewhere where she could not have...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Kody, Thank you for your reply. It made me feel better. My temper can be hard to control, too - but like you said - the meds help. I wanted to go off on her so bad... After she said that to me, she went into the bathroom and I swear, if I wasn't worried about being 86'd from the pub I would have taken her walker and put it somewhere where she could not have gotten to it, then she would have felt as humiliated as I did. But, I don't like to burn bridges, so I didn't throw it out into the street. Haha... Which would have made me look like the witch. After all, she is disabled. My revenge had been telling everyone what she said. :-) Thanks again. I feel like I am going crazy, but you helped. ~Cathy So, I'm just going to ignore her from now on - which is the best way to get back at someone who hurts you.