Is my husband abusive?

Winter is almost here. Sure feels like it here in Seattle.

My question is this: Are many woman with BPD abused by their non-BP partners? Are the statistics of abuse higher for BPD women, than women without mental illness?

I know that long term abuse leads to mental illness, and I was abused by my ex-husband for 11 years. Even though we've been divorced for almost nine years, he still knows how to get to me. I avoid talking to him as much as possible, because he is still abusive - in his sick passive-agressive ways.

As far as I know, my current husband is not BP, but he does have some very strange and symptomatic ways of dealing with stressors. Money is a HUGE trigger with him. When he got tired of looking at the bills this morning, he yelled at me that this is our last Xmas, unless I get a job and pay for all of Xmas, next year. He knows that I am disabled and cannot work. So, saying something like that in such a harsh and loud tone is (to me) abusive. It makes me feel worthless and like I am a HUGE burden to him.

THEN, he gathered a few things and left the house, without saying a word - not where he was going, when he would be back, NOTHING.

Yelling at me about something I cannot control, and then leaving me wondering where he went feels very abusive to me. I want to cry, but I just can't.

He does this so often now that it is ruining the intimacy in our marriage.

I cannot feel close to a man who resents me for not being able to work and pay MY bills. He's always resented paying my bills. I thought married people helped each other as much as they can, I didn't think it was a HIS and HERS arrangement, like room mates have.

In the first couple of years of our relationship, if he would act like this, he would apologize sincerely for his behavior. Now, he never apologizes.

This morning I was just sitting on the couch with an icepack on my back when he lit into me. I didn't say a word because I am afraid of his temper. I don't fight back because I'm never heard or acknowledged. ... Or if I am, it is because of something inflamitory that I said and he picks on that.

I am not allowed to say anything or fight back for my dignity. And that fact that he just walks out without a word..... well, it makes me feel worthless, unloved, unimportant, and most of all I feel like a big giant festering resentment.

He has said in the past that he thinks he wants a divorce... and then he acts all nice and lovey-dovey and never says a word about what hurtful things he says.

I'm spinning, confused, hurt, depressed, I feel worthless, resented, like a big burden. I cannot carry my own weight and therefore I am a mooch.... Mooching off of the man who is SUPPOSED to take care of me. That is what marriage is, right?

I don't know what to do. I have no money to leave him, but I don't see this getting any better. It has been years of this shit and it is getting worse.