Husband's frustration

I really don't know much to say that will help.

Sometimes when someone deals with prolonged illness that they don't quite understand, and having multiple situations occur that compounds the "problem" they view, they tend to lash out in very negative ways as a manner in which to deflect what is truly going on inside.

Your husband has been very negative and very insensitive to you who is very vulnerable at this moment.  It's very hard not to personnally be injured by his comments and I would be also (have been by mine over the years).  Yet, sometimes... we have to look outside of us and try to put ourselves in their shoes for just a moment

If you were the one working, struggling day after day to keep things together (home, car, groceries, etc...), come home to a spouse who is out of work due to a prolonged illness that requires meds upon meds, doc appointments, and therapy and doesn't seem to ever be getting better - that anything said or inferred is taken wrong and causes an outburst of some type - in your eyes doesn't seem to be able to handle even simple tasks - and then on top of that has now more medical issues that require surgery, meds, appointments, inability to take care of things at home, and above all... the money all this is costing and it doesn't seem to be getting better ---- you'd probably be frustrated, exasperated, agitated, irritated, depressed, and say hurtful things that you'd later try to retract.

When one feels that they are carrying the burden of the load and looks and perceives the other as not being who they married and not pulling their share of the load - however irrational or unreasonable this may be - it causes the one to start nitpicking, being abusive and derogeratory, and nagging.  It's not that they really, deep down, feel this way - it's the circumstances they have found themselves in that they can't handle and cope with.

I'm not saying that you have anything to be or feel guilty for BECAUSE YOU DON'T.

You are taking your meds, going to your appointments, doing what is required of you to maintain your health as it is and perhaps to improve it.  Yet... in his exasperation and frustration... he isn't "seeing" it nor any improvement cause it isn't what it was once.  That too, isn't your fault or your problem.  It's his!

It isn't your fault about the Bipolar and It isn't your fault about the herniated disc.  He was wrong, very wrong to threaten divorce if you become further ill or need further treatment for something - VERY WRONG.  Yet, sometimes.... like I've been doing recently, when we step back from the situation a moment and look at it - thanks to intensive therapy - you can kinda try to put yourself in the other's shoes and sorta maybe see where it comes from.

Have the 2 of you ever considered marriage therapy? 

Course, if he truly deep down is an ignorant abusive jackass... well... you need to talk with your tdoc

Wow you are def. going threw alot.  My husband had to have back surgery, the 1st one failed and the 2nd one was a month later that failed also.  He has alot to deal with on top of dealing with me.  I have pins and plates holding my pelvic together, from a snowmobile accident from 13 years ago.  The arthritis is soo bad after all these years.  So the pain from that and the BP, is a crappy combination.  Also the guy I was dateing back then he just died on his new snowmobile, which has put me into even worse depression.  Who would have guessed all those years ago I'd have such a horrific accident on his sled, which he helped me threw it all, that at the young age of 31 his life would be taken the same way.  I just dont understand how life works for us at time, well most of the time.  As for your husband he needs to be there for you more, we have a hard time with this illness.  But if a person doesnt have a clue what were going threw, they are'nt going to be much help to us, during our time of need.  And our kids they are so precious, we really need them.  They are so inocent, and not judjemental.  If you ever need to vent, talk just drop me a line.  Your doing all the right things from the sound of it. BECKY

He cannot Fix you....

Currently, my husband told me his frustrations were not knowing how to help me anymore.  He felt helpless. I was mean, paranoid, irritable, anxious, up, then really down.  I went to my pdoc in tears to help me stabilize and I was fearful of being put in the hospital again for a med adjustment.  I asked my husband to start coming to my three month sessions like he used to and maybe it will help both of us.  The ones closest to us need help too. 

I had major surgery last May.  I'm sorry you're going through your surgery and pain with bipolar.  Major surgery can bring about depression in anyone and some meds for depression send us into mania.  Ask your pdoc for closer monitoring while you are dealing with this.  Ask that he consult with your physician and surgeon to see what will be the best for you.

I'd advise that you have your surgery after Winter, since seasonal depression is an added factor here and some of us have major cycles seasonally.

Judi~

so sorry

i've gone through a lot of the same with my husband.

he always says it's so hard to live with a BP person.

I think it's a low blow--

it makes me angry and sad.

but i wouldn't change the illness for anything-

my best