It seems like Bipolar illness has hit all but one of my son's and their father my husband suffers PTSD. I joined NAMI for support and instead of getting support, I am on the board. We do not have the means to start a support group for family members. I am a wife, mother and a caretaker. My son that does not suffer mental illness is the head of a support group for those with mental illness. He is overloaded, and I am at the breaking point.
I guess my biggest problem is how do I handle those on the board with illness and then come home and handle more. I love my family. I learned how to handle and take care of my stress, but the stress has increased as I now work with others with mental illness. It is a roller coaster ride, and when a certain board member cycles I am the one that is her blasting board. I get angery when she trys to work me, then I feel guilty for my anger. I must say that I have worked over 12 years with crime victims and never have I felt this way. Any advice or ideas of how I can cope better. Taking time for myself right now is not a option. I know what happens when we become burnt, I am just to tired to think of ideas. Any ideas any of you all may have would really help.
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jump the board
the board is the added stressor to an already stressful life then why did you feel so compelled to take it on in addition to?
seems to me, you take on things to be the "caretaker", thrive on it till it gets overloaded and you can't manage all the things you've taken on and thus get burned out, pessimistic, and eventually will come to resent it and everything else
so, what to do?
jump the board
no one forced you on it but yourself
and yourself can take yourself off of it
it's not a sign of weakness to know your own limitations and to say NO or to withdraw from something that is hurting and/or damaging you - it's called self preservation. In that you have several family members with mental illness, perhaps some self preservation is needed.
Oh... and finding time for yourself is possible. You just have to want to accept it as such, make it one of your priorities, and do it. Otherwise, you'll turn out to be a bitter, resentful, emotionally drained person who will struggle with some type of mental illness yourself from all the stress you put yourself through.
PS. No one volunteers or wants to support someone that always seems to be able to take it on and handle it. I've learned that the hard way.
Hi Tabby, You are right. I had not thought about it in that way. i am not sure about the care taker part. Not careing for my family is not a option for me, because I choose to do so. As for the work on the board you are right again, I felt that after I was given classes in family to family that I owed this group in some way for the help they had given me in understanding Mental Illness. I live in a small town and this type of help is needed so much. I wanted them to make it here, in my other job i am sent on at least four suciedes a month and that is not counting the call's my director is called on. I am 54 years old and I know that someday I won't be here and I want to insure that my sons as well as others have a back up system in the area. NAMI is needed here, and when I was asked to help get it started I said yes without thinking just how much i was takeing on. I have been so tired I have not been able to think, because if this board member was on of my children I would be backing her to help her with her illness, and at the same time asking I be treated with respect. I think what was causeing me to feel so angery is that most of the abuse was directed at my son. I had told the board that I was ill and needed to slow down for a while, and that my son needed me well enough to help care for him not only does he suffer from Bipolar illness his doctor found cancer of the lymp system. My job as a Victims Advocate is a job that has been my dream job. I never feel used or tired out. With the work on the board I feel over loaded. I really think it is to close to what i handle at home daily and I made a big mistake not thinking things over before I took it on. The only part I think you are wrong on is the thriveing on the caretaker part, I would give anything in the world if got up in the morning and my sons were well and my husband was well, but because you brought that up Iam going to think on that a little more, as I know that sometimes the tree's grow so thick that one can not see the light. Thank You P.S. I am dropping the board work!
Some of us, me included, feel this insatiable need to take care of everyone and everyone's everything that we don't look at what it is doing to us and at the moment we are doing for everyone and taking care of everyone's everything... we don't care about what it is doing to us - we are sacrificing ourselves to the supposed greater good of everyone else and for the moment - we feel good about doing it
I learned the hard truth though that truly and honestly Stormy, if you don't take time out to care for you, you will go down, you will burn totally out, and you will become very very resentful of all those around you that you've been taking care of.
They will grow ever increasingly dependent on you to do so as long as you allow them to depend on you for everything and in that you allow it - you'll have not one ioda of yourself to give them when they honest to god truly need it. Now how will that benefit them?
The thriving on the caretaker part was the fact that you willingly jump on board to take on things you know deep down you just aren't able to manage but by golly someone needs me to take care of them and by golly I'll go down the pipe trying - while resenting it even deeper inside all the way down the pipe cause YOU aren't being taken care of.
Resentment comes out in many different forms, shapes, and patterns just as anger and sadness do. How is yours appearing?
In order for you to be there for the ones who truly need you Stormy, you have to become one of your priorities - if not THE PRIORITY - whether you really like that idea or not. It's not a sign of weakness and it truly isn't selfishness unless you take it to that extreme (you know what I mean).
It's called self-preservation so that I can "help" those around me that truly matter and need me.