Mania_Extreme

Health Interests

bipolar disorder,  bipolar symptoms,  bipolar disorder treatment

Drugs I am Taking

Lithium (500mg bd),  ,  Seroquel (200-300mg/day),  Oxycontin (40-60mg bd)

About Me

On the 25th June, 2008 I ended up in hospital from an emotional breakdown. (well I thought it was at the time)I had been miserable in my marriage for months prior to this day, and put it all down to the way we lived. He was a chronic pothead and I worked, as a nurse, to support his habit. We never had any money for other things & our 3 kids missed out on all the basic things that kids should be able to experience. Anyway, from my hospital bed, while still hooked up to a drip, I rang my husband and told him he had to leave because I couldn't cope with his lifestyle anymore. By 4pm that afternoon he sent me a text message saying he was no longer at our house, so I went home. For a couple of days I was a bit down...worried about how I was gunna manage everything on my own (kids, work and bills he'd left me with etc.) However, this feeling soon passed and I felt like I was "on top of the world" and nothing could bring me down. My work collegues and friends would quite often ask how I was going and my response was always, "I'm doing great...the only regret I have about my husband going is that I didn't do it sooner!" This 'elated' feeling I had continued to grow and grow and pretty soon I found myself being awake all night, drawing, writing, fixing things etc and then I would have a shower and go to work for 8 hours. After a couple of weeks, I started to feel like work was an "inconvenience" because it was taking me away from the things I wanted to do, so I started to ring in sick or say I had an appointment etc. Work was pretty understanding for a while, but I knew the day would come when they would say 'enoungh is enough' so, before they could sack me, I told them I would resign. My boss said that they didn't want to lose me altogether because I am good at what I do, so she offered to put me on indefinite Leave Without Pay. I thought this was pretty cool, cos it meant I could spend every day doing what I want to do, but still have a job to go back to when I was ready. It also meant that Centrelink would be off my back to look for work cos technically I still have a job. The social worker at Centrelink gave me an exemption from looking for work because I was 'emotionally stretched'and I was put on the Parenting Payment Single. My doctor recommended that I see a counsellor to try and resolve some of my 'issues'. I love how they use that word, 'Issues'. Who doesn't have 'issues'? Anyway, I went to see this counsellor (more to shut my doctor up than anything else) and after 1 hour of listening to me ramble on about my life, she calmly said, "Im 99% convinced you have Bipolar Type I disorder. I'll need you to have a Psych Consult to confirm it but I'd be willing to bet that's what it is." My response was, "You've only known me for 1 hour, how the F--- can you put a label on me after that long?" Her response was, "I actually had my diagnosis after half an hour, but I just let you keep going." She gave me some printed info on Bipolar and I left. I haven't been back to see her since that day (about 4 weeks ago). The following week, I went back to my doctor and told her what this counsellor had said, and guess what? Yep...she bloody agreed with her!!! Now I felt completely screwed cos I expected my doctor tell me she didn't agree, and give me a referral to another counsellor for a second opinion. Instead, she typed up a referral to a bloody Psychiatrist in Wollongong which really pissed me off! Not only did she do that, but she put me on Lithium (initially 250mg bd)and gave me a script for sleeping tablets too. I filled my scripts and took them both, with no effect whatsoever. I had to go back to my doctor the following day, and she increased my Lithium to 500mg bd. Still no effect. The next day she increased it to the maximum dose of 1000mg bd and yes....still no effect. My mania was running higher and faster than ever and the sleeping tabs might as well have been lollies for all the good they did me. I even deliberately went out and bought 3 cans of rum & coke with the intention of taking my sleeping tabs while I was drinking, with the hope it would knock me out for a while. But, 3 cans of rum & 5 Temaze later, I was still wide awake, drawing! The only positive thing to come out of that night was that I drew the most amazing picture I've ever done! (and Ive certainly done a few lately!) The next time I went to my doctor, she nearly had a heart attack when I told her about that night, and started to give me a lecture about how dangerous it was to mix alcohol and medication. My responses to her was, "When you have been awake for as long as I have and NOTHING helps you sleep, then you can talk to me about how dangerous it is, but until then, Im gunna do whatever it takes, because I just want to SLEEP!!!" On top of all this "Manic" stuff, I also have the most incredible head pain anyone could imagine. It's not a headache or a migraine, but boy does it F---ing hurt! I would actually trade places with anyone who has a migraine because they seem pretty mild compared to this. That is why I am on Oxycontin at the moment. They tried me on Panadeine Forte (it was like taking lollies), then they tried me on Endone, but even with triple the dose, it didn't even take the edge off. So now I have 60mg of Oxycontin in the morning which takes the edge of for about 3 hours if Im lucky, but it NEVER goes away. The only relief I get is when I sleep, and I need 200-300mg of Seroquel at night in order to be able to sleep, but when I wake up, as soon as I sit up the pain is back, as strong as ever. (Part of me wishes I could just stay asleep until the doctors can work out how to make it go away.) On my last visit to the doctor, she gave me the results of my most recent Lithium levels test and informed me that I had Lithium-poisoning, to which I replied, "Yay, lucky me!" My Lithium has now been reduced to 500mg bd and she sent me for a Brain Scan on Friday to find out what is causing my head pain. I will get the result on Monday (22/9/08) for that. That pretty much brings me up to date since my Major Depessive Episode finished and my Manic/Mixed episode started. The only thing I have yet to mention is that about 10 days ago, I admitted to my kids' father that I was not capable of looking after them anymore, so the younger 2 kids, Jack (10) & Ash (almost 7) are living with him and my oldest son Tim (15 next week) is living with my best friend. It was the hardest thing I have ever admitted in my life, but its the truth. I cant even look after myself properly at the moment, much less be responsible for 3 other lives. I do have my cat with me, and thank God for him...he is the best therapy I have in my life right now & there's no way I can forget to feed him...he won't let me!!! The one thing I have control over right now is 'the truth'. People don't always like hearing the truth, but I really don't care if they do or they don't...I think how I think, I feel how I feel, and if you don't like it...bad luck, it's the truth!