Something I wrote a few years back (with a few modifications)... I was in a really dark place then.
Why was I denied?
Denied a fathers love...
Because
He just didn't want me
Why was I stripped?
Stripped of my mothers love...
Because
She BEAT it out of me
Robbed of friendship
Because my peers...
Ignored me
And the trust I gave
To the woman I loved
My trust...
Taken advantage of
All of it...
Denied to me
All of it...
Gone
GONE
Till all
That remains...
Is HATE
An unforgiving hate...
For everyone that hurt me
A deep, unrepentant hate...
For EVERYTHING!
This Hate
Fueled by my very soul
Hate...
Consuming
Me
Whole
This Hate will not subside
And my Hate will not
Be
DENIED!
Hate...
Born out of grief
For the things I was denied
For the things I wanted
For the things I DESERVED!
And all I wanted
All I...
I...
I just wanted my father...
To acknowledge me
I just wanted my mother...
To accept me
I wanted my peers to welcome me
And I just
Wanted
The woman I loved...
To believe - In me
I do not want to be angry anymore
I do not want to Hate...
ANY
MORE
I just want what YOU have
I just want
To
Be
LOVED!
But now...
NOW
All that remains...
Is HATE!
What a very moving poem. Dark, explosive and in the end "hope remains".
I joked with another patient by whispering "hey, your bipolar is showing" and looked behind him when I said it. He tried to look behind himself to see what it was. lol We laughed together and it became an inside joke between us. I miss Michael. Over the last 17 years I continued our inside joke by saying that phrase to myself. Repeating, 'Your bipolar is showing' countless times. Laughing or crying.
However, "hope remains" when I realize I only said it 5 times this week instead of 10.
Thanks for the poem and inspiration.