why why why????

I can tell you how I know it's the BP, he has been in a mixed state for a while now. Every day I have to put up with something different. I know my husband very well and I know that the kind of things he says to me atm he would never say normally. He thinks I am cheating on him, he says I don't give 2 s#%^& about him. He also says that I am useless etc. He knows that all that he says to me isn't true and he even told me that sometimes these voices tell him stuff like that and makes him believe that. He knows that I am a caring and devoted wife and I do a hell of a lot of running around for him. Most days I don't have time to scratch myself. Don't you think I should know my husband well enough to know when he has an episode and when he isn't???? If you call him starting to smash things last night not an episode when he normally wouldn't do that then I give up. As I said just a sec ago, I think I know when my husband is having an episode and when he isn't. I'm not the kind of person to just blame everything on the bp, when I know it's the bp then I know it's the bp.

so Butterflyer... if you know it's the BP talking... why did you take it and continue to take it so personnally to the point that if affects and effects you in such a manner that you respond in the manner that you do?  If you know that you know that you know that you know... it's the illness... then it has literally nothing to do with you.

You, taking it on personnally is then you absorbing it and making it your own thereby you are allowing it to "run" your life.  In allowing it to "run" your life, your emotions and feelings get all caught up in it and you then respond to it emotionally.

I know all this reads real simple but hon... you need to seek some therapy of your own, to learn how to not absorb what you know that you know that you know isn't him but is his illness, and how to protect yourself from taking on the blows that the illness conveys because otherwise... you will become collateral damage when it wasn't actually you in the first place. 

Therapy will help you see the illness for what it is.  It will teach you the triggering mechanisms that "you" have that triggers your emotional responses to it, and help you cope with the emotional stuff that comes from it.

just a thought.... yet, please don't forget that your husband is a "human" with the same tendancy to frustration, exasperation, and whatnot the same as you.  Not every literal thing is the "Bipolar".

If you know for a fact that it is the BP flaring up...tell him he needs to get into see his doctor and or therapist. If it is not his BP and it is a normal response it could very well backfire in that you have equated his real emotions with being BP.

My husband last night told me that the medication isn't working. He wants me to tell his Dr about all the episodes he had. I told him that I will have to tell his Dr that he has been thinking alot about suecide. He didn't like that. I explained to him that his Dr can't treat him properly if he doesn't tell him everything. Then he mumbled something, I asked him what he said and he replied I Love You.

He feels bad the way he has been towards me, he said he knows that everything he has said to me isn't true, that I don't deserve to be put down like that.

This is something everyone has to realize. For people like me it is extremely hard. Some days my husband can't even remember saying stuff to me. He even denies saying it, saying that he would never say anything like that to me. Well everytime he has a go at me I tend to record most of it on my mobile phone. When he denies it I then play it back to him. He can't even believe how bad he can be.

People like me that are very strong minded do get worn down from this kind of behavior. I have hit rock bottom and I know that I have been depressed the past few days. I have my own health issues to deal with.

Most of the time when he starts going off I let him know that I am going to bed or I'm going to water the garden or whatever and I tend to leave him there on his own. I can usually still hear him but try to ignore it which works most of the time.

Since my hormones are all over the place atm it hasn't worked for me and yes I tend to take it personally but what do you expect with hormones going crazy.

Now this is going back to my original question, why is it that us the partner always cop it?

Okay... you want an answer to your question?

Because you choose to do so.

That's it.

Real simple.

Unfortunatley Tabby is right.  I had to leave my BP ex.  The person I once knew so well changed so much and abused me.  I am one of the strongest ppl I know, but there comes a point where you say, am I happy?  Is this worth it?  Is this ruining me? 

BP is something you will deal with forever as his partner.  It is something you BOTH will deal with on a daily basis.  Yes, it affects us, probably in ways that our spouses or significant others will never know or come to understand.  And yes it DOES affect us and we DO take it personally because it is our LOVED one saying these things, grabbing us, putting us down.  But it is your choice.  You can stay or leave.  Good luck to you.

I am new to this site but I understand where you are coming from. It is very hard being the support of someone with Bipolar. My partner is dual and drives me crazy at times. She tells me over and over to not take it personally but it is hard when the words coming out of there mouth at that moment is completly direct at you.

I just recently found this written by david Oliver and so far it has helpped me. I hope it will help you..

"Supporter Mirror Test"

It's like, before you start complaining
about your loved one's behavior,
you have to look at yourself in the
mirror and have to ask yourself,
"Have I done everything to help
my loved one?"

I mean, there's no one standing over
you judging your behavior - you
have to be your own judge, but
really, ask yourself if you could
pass the Supporter Mirror Test today.

Are you doing everything you can
to help your loved one?

Are you being kind and understanding
when they have their mood swings, or
are you just pushing them away, or
acting annoyed?

Because they'll see that as rejection,
and that's not good for someone who
has bipolar disorder- they really need
to feel your support and understanding.

Are you supportive and patient when
sometimes they get irritable and
they'll push you away, and that they
can't help that, that it's just part of
their disorder?

And the other things they do because of
their disorder, even if you don't like the
behaviors, do you still try to be supportive
of THEM as a person who can't help
themselves sometimes?

Are you doing everything you can to
help your loved one?

Ask yourself:

Can I pass the Supporter Mirror Test today?