I'm 20 and dating an undiagnosed, untreated bipolar 23 yr old..have been off and on for 2 yrs. Everyone in his family has bipolar disorder, and he knows he does as well..but he refuses to go to a doctor because he starts denying it or says he doesn't want to be put on pills for the rest of his life. Up until the last 2 weeks things have been great..For months he was the most incredible man i could ask for. We had something of a life planned out. Then we got back from our mission trip and i went on vacation with my family, and he just out of the blue stops talking to me..maybe 1 text a day. When i asked him whats wrong, he says he realized he's a lot more messed up than he thought he was and thats he stressed because he doesnt know if he should switch to this other job offer. That his abusive ex-girlfriend (not me) molded him into this person he doesn't want to be. That he never found himself. He says he wants to date me but very slowly all of a sudden..he says he's "healing" after months of that relationship being over. The next day he called me and started talking about me moving in with him when he moves to take this new job ,he says god has been pushing him to take it, and that he's buying me a car..he wanted to make sure i switched majors because that town we'll be moving to could surely get me a career in it. Then 3 days later, he casually informs me that he decided days ago he isn't taking the new job and staying in his home town ( which is really bad for him) but just didn't think i would care..we've been talking about this since last august! He hardly spoke to me the rest of the week. now this week he called me 4 times on monday said he'd call me later that night. Never did, didn't hear from him tuesday and at 7 am this morning he writes "Morning." He wrote to me less than a month ago that it means everything to him that he has me in his life, that i'm the only one always there to love and support him, and that he loves me with his whole mind,body, and soul.. now he doesnt really care if he talks to me, and has been hanging out with a group of boys ranging from 16 to 20. and he's acting like he doesn't care about much of anything..me, his career, god..i really don't know how to handle this, He's put me through hell and back over the last 2 yrs, and he's apologized many times, knowing i shouldn't have stuck around...so is there anything i can do that would make him snap out of it? do i leave him alone like i have been for the last 2 days, do i leave him entirely for being a cad? i just don't know anymore..I love him more than anything but this relationship has given me depression, and i'm just so tired..so so tired..without him i'm miserable..with him like this i'm miserable too
run
you are 20
I second that. It would be one thing if he wanted to see a doc, get meds. Even then, google "bipolar relationship" and read what some folks have said 20 years down the line.
Again - if he wanted to help himself, that would be your call if you want to be in for the work and patience that is required in a partnership with someone who is diagnosed with BP. Another thing to consider. Do you want a family? There's often a genetic component to BPD. Read up on this. Make educated decisions. Immerse yourself, read a lot online. It's scary to get out of a relationship when you have an emotional investment, but you may be suprised at how good you feel if you extricate yourself from this situation. Feeling depressed and sad from a relationship (at 20, no less!), don't you think you deserve better than that? P.S. - you can't save this guy. That would be his job. Your job is to take care of YOURSELF. Make sure that you aren't romanticizing the situation. Now is the time to be pragmatic. This is a turning point in your life. Choose wisely.