I am separated from my husband once again. I fell apart once again over the infidelity's, lies, and erratic and irresponsible behavior. Excuses, blame, denial, addrienline junky.
I just got out of a mental treatment center. I start drinking to much over the pain of it all, and was diaognoised with borderline personality disorder. Falling apart over trying to help my sick husband, and stabbed over and over, being a wonderful wife, adoring, cooking, responsible, understanding, intimatcy was good, and the rollercoaster ride begins again. He promise to be the hero while I was gone, and a week into my treatment he cheated, and now that I'm home, and moved him out, he hangs with the losers and the tramps to fill the void that can never be filled. He refuses help at all costs, loving the mania side, with the sexual addiction excuse. I am just waiting at home, lonely but determinded not to work things out unless he gets the help he needs. What a sad and lonely, life to live, never knowing from day to day, who you will wake up to.
I am not as far into my marriage as you are (one year) but I've been shocked and thrown on my butt from his mania already and it's shocking. There is very little support available for the spouses of manics, but if the person is depressed, there is a ton. My husband never experiences the depression.
I won't tell you what to do, but I will say this... being with a manic man is lonely, so how can being alone be worse? When mine was in the hospital for two weeks, it took me a week to get my footing, but the second week was bliss. My life had structure. I did what I wanted, and used my own coping mechanisms to get through. I started making art again after years off taking care of his needs. Manics are bizarre... he wants me there all the time, but can't focus on me so he just runs around the house doing projects and acting crazy. The lies and infidelity are painful, and I believe should not be accepted. Carrying on a normal conversation is impossible, and god forbid you should need support for one of YOUR weak moments, right?
I know it's hard, but if you decide that being without him is best for you, then you will most likely find yourself living a life of peace, harmony, and the chaos that you've endured for so long will come to an end. You may have some internal chaos for some time, but with support and help, you can learn to love yourself and realize his actions are not your fault, and not because you don't give him enough or aren't beautiful, sexy, or desriable enough. You are worthy, even if you're not taking care of someone.