sick and tired

By kathryn Sunday, January 31, 2010

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I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired...I was diagnosed with bipolar 12 years ago and life has been an uphill battle. I attempted suicide 5 mths ago (for the 4th time) and after that i was put on to Lithium this replaced epilim. I am also on efexor and seroquel. Since being on Lithium I feel very flat, I struggle to get out of bed, I struggle to go to work, I ache all over and feel so tired that it makes me cry. I think of ways to end my life daily, then I fight with myself because I can't do that to my family. I hate this place I am stuck in and can't seem to move out of it. I have abstained from alcohol for the past 5 mths but it's becoming harder to stay away from...I just want to feel/be happy again.

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alxv

2/10/10 6:15am

This illness makes us have more patience than anything. We'll have ups and downs and dramatic turns but at the end, if all goes well, we can find a good place at times and be happy again. Never lose hope. Stay strong and believe that it's possible to be happy again. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting the right combo of meds or being in the right season of the year...

Don't ask too much of yourself, you are perfect as you are just let life flow through you and enjoy the little things, they are the true essence of happiness. We are ill and we need to remember that. Treat yourself as you would treat someone you love if he/she were as ill. You are not alone, you have lots of people here who cares and who will be here if you need support and a hand to hold.

All the best,

Alex

Shelly

2/10/10 10:56am

Thank you Alex...

Your 2nd paragraph hit me square between the eyes. Thank you. I guess I don't wanna be sick so I have been ignoring it. Trying to go around it. But that goes back to the original stuffing of emotions. I wanna be well so bad that I don't wanna go THROUGH the fire. But I know that I have to go through it. It's gonna hurt. I will get better if I go through it.

I have to be so kind to myself. How can I be there for others if I can't be kind to me??

Patience...

Kathryn...I am praying for you and your healing. You WILL get better. Please believe it.

krisluvs48

2/10/10 10:39am

In tears as i read your post! Today is my first time on here I need to see if I was alone because I feel so ALONE! I'm flat..and wanting to drink and as I know this is not the answer..it seems my family is sick of me the call the police when I get upset....tell them I'm bi polar I have so much anger right now.. I hope you can feel better I'm to no avail right now

alxv

2/11/10 4:20am

People around us family or just friends have to understand that we have limitations and we can't be there for them always but we will be as much as we can and function as much as possible.

We can't however let them make us feel guilty for not doing more of what they need and want from us, that's not acceptable we have to make them see that.

We are ill and they have to stop being selfish and instead of asking more of us they should be helping when we are not well enough to do even the simple things.

We do need support groups and people who understand what we are going through and one of the solutions are sites like this for those who don't feel good going outside and face a whole group of people to get support.

This can be very hard to carry at times but we are strong enough to get out of it every time, we just have to never forget that.

Alex

krisluvs48

3/11/10 6:05pm

Alex Thanks for your input...this has been such a hard row to hoe! I have put such hardship on my family I know ..For this I'm sorry I make up for it in many ways I try .....I did find my self a very difuncsinal family

Please forgive my spelling my Topamax gives me a hard way to go.... If you know what i mean?

MY One And and only goal is is to wake up and be a day that I know will repeat a tomarrow with some normity .I need structrure! Again please forgive my spelling it sucks!

I want so much to be well ... I take meds and I get fAt I sleep I get better and then ZAM here I am am wack out mania pariond and just you know the gamit I HATE IT! I HATE ME ! I FN! NUTS ! BUT THEN AGAIN i love me soooo much i have so much inside no one has any idea.. i really can be okay if I could FIX this!!!!!

alxv

3/13/10 4:57am

Hey, I'm here for you whenever you need me so don't you ever worry if meds make you sound this or that just worry about being well. Are you doing any therapy? I started a month ago and it is helping me in a sense that I have someone who I can count on when things are tough and hard to coupe with. I too need structure and have a dysfunctional family, I had to make them respect my way of functioning or else lol.

I do protect myself a lot from everything that may harm me because I love myself too and want the best for me it's like being my own mother and making sure I am ok and if meds are driving me crazy then I run to my doctor and make her change the doses or whatever prevents me from having a more functional life.

The secret is never giving up on making our days better with our doctor's help. We have to understand that this is here to stay and we have to accept it. We have bipolar disorder and with the help of meds and therapy we can lead "normal" lives. We can't however do it alone, we need support always.

Alex

coolmoonriver

11/30/10 5:07am

i had no joy in my life living with bi polar and taking epilim, effexor and seroquel, but since finding the Lord at my local Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints (mormon)my life has turned around i have become the person i always wanted to be , i still get tired but i can handel that and i have much to thank for being alive which wasnt always the case,people knock religion and there are many churches out there that dont lead you to joy but claim to be true , all i can say is this church works for me and the people who attend it, no matter what other people say. please know this is true .

Stephanie

11/30/10 11:28am

I know exactly where you are coming from and exactly how you feel. I think it is great that you have been off of alcohol for 5 months (even though I know you posted this a long time ago), but I can promise you that the alcohol doesn't make things any better. I fell victim to that myself, and at first it DID help. But then it become an addiction and it usually don't help anymore the way it once did. So now I have the alcoholism minus the relief... so it's not a good thing. :(

www.mybipolarlife.com

Stephanie

ps. would like to know how you are doing now since this was posted a long time ago. :)

sick and tired

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