Friend committed suicide

By quietlove Monday, January 18, 2010

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This man was the strongest, funniest, and most caring man I have ever met. His wife wanted a divorce and no one heard from him since the holidays. They found him this past tuesday in his garage - an apparent suicide. Here is my question... I fight my suicide thoughts everyday and my question is... if someone healthly, mentally and spiritually strong cannot fight them... what chance do I have? I am not strong, I can think of 101 reasons why I should just go away.... disconnect from everyone in my life and just kill myself. No one needs me... wants me... loves me... I am not good for anyone.

They are burying him today and i could not find the strength to go and watch and pay my respects. He knows I love him and always will. He was a great friend for over 10 years. Work will be hard without him. Where everyone is in deep bottomless sorrow over his loss... I wonder if they will just feel sorry that I did that and not really miss me. I guess one never really knows until that kind of stuff happens. I am thinking no one really cares about me... They all want something from me... and I am tired of giving away my heart, my feelings, my soul to everyone and get nothing in return AND I AM THE ONE WITH THE MENTAL ILLNESS!!!!! Life amazes me sometimes...

Added another medication

Comments (7) | Add comment

John McManamy, Health Guide

1/18/10 1:11pm

Hi, Quietlove. I had a good friend that I lost to suicide. This is devastating. There's no reason, no explanation. There is nothing I can say that could possibly comfort you in this situation. All I can ask is that when the time is right you channel your grief into helping others, which will help you as much as the people you are helping.

Shelly

1/18/10 2:57pm

I also have a tendency to wonder when I hear of someone taking their own life. It's such a sad state. I don't ever think that I would, but I don't know the depth of pain that anyone else can be in.

I know that my family and friends would grieve tremendously...I guess that's part of what keeps me going when I have those thoughts. And also that fact that I know it's not all about me...we tend to get very selfish..."belly button gazing"...it's all about me in the pain, just because we want SOMEONE/ANYONE to notice. Yet when they do, we deny...play the martyr...deny our own feelings...put on another mask...

You have to want to live for you, first and foremost. You were put on this earth for a specific purpose. You have unique talents and gifts...no one else was given the task that you are to complete. That's what I firmly believe.

I don't know what is going on in your own life...just know that I and many others on these boards DO CARE!!!! Our love and prayers are going out to you. Get to your therapist or doctor to talk this all out. Please.

tabby

1/18/10 8:28pm

My sincerest sympathies on the tragic loss of your dear friend. His loss, to you and others, I am certain is profound and my deepest sympathies.

I do get the amount of pain one perhaps feels when in that state of mind. I've been there countless times.

quietlove

1/19/10 9:39am

My problem with this is... if someone as wonderful and strong as he can find himself in that bottomless hole... I don't know what hope I have of getting out of it. I think of suicide. Almost everyday, its just part of my illness and some of this I understand. Since he has died... I have thought about this more and more until I just am exhuasted. I tried to talk to my husband about this and his "wonderful" response was - he was weak and stupid. Yes, my husband does not understand bipolar or any of the deep dark feelings that we experience. He doesn't even try. I feel alone in my house and at work. No one understands at either place. If someone would take the time to talk to me about it.. or just let me talk and cry I don't know what i would do. In my life I have only really lost 3 people that have meant alot to me. I guess when people lose alot of people they care about they kind of "get used" to it, but I can't face it. I still grieve over my best friend dying 18 years ago. I feel his absence in my life everyday.

Its getting harder to wake up and face this. Coming to work is worse. His family (other then his horrible wife) is coming up to meet all his friends and see where he worked etc. His family does not get along with his wife. I am not sure if I said this in the previous post but she filed for divorce over the holidays. They have a 3 year old boy. I am certain his family is not dealing with her very well.

This is the only safe place I can put down all these feelings... certainly no one in my life will listen. Thank you for your thoughts... They are appreciated.

Eric

1/20/10 5:04am

Hey Nutter,

Let me first off say to you...I am very sorry for your loss. I think the reason your having problems trying to figure this out is because your looking at it from outside the window. We with the illness tend to have suicidal ideation on a daily bases...some more than others. I can remember a time where it consumed my every waking thought and I thought it was aka normal and everyone else had these issues. Then came the right medication combination and they stopped dead in their tracks. I hate to say it but I missed those thoughts at the time and I felt very helpless.

Looking in the window....ours is chemical, meaning its our body chemistry is out of whack. Your friend ran into the environmental side of the illness in that life changing events caused him to become overwhelmed to the point he felt he couldn't go on. No one is immune unless they have an IV set-up pouring in prozac. It's sad that he didn't reach out to get help, but speaking from a guys perspective...that would be a weakness in our eyes....so the tendency to keep it to ourselves is the norm.

Either way it is irrational thinking and needs to be addressed early on. So anyone reading this contemplating the same thoughts and feelings really needs to get in to be seen by a trained professional. It can be very discrete and no one needs to know your getting help unless you decide to tell them. Nothing and I repeat nothing in this world is worth committing suicide over.

As to the family and the wife....my best advice is to stay out of it and keep a low profile. As to your hubby....it's sad, but that is the way most view it and where the saying of just get over it comes from. Their also looking in the window from outside trying to figure out why you can't just snap out of it. I would set-up an appointment with your therapist to help you through the grief.

quietlove

1/20/10 10:41am

I completely understand suicidal thoughts and idealitions. They are a daily occurance for me. The problem that I am having is seeing this from the inside out. I see what I know and how I feel, but for someone who is NOT bipolar, who in the ten years I have seen upset like twice. It surprises me and upsets me. Because those people don't go get help, we know something is wrong with us.. We know when we need help. We have our ways of handling those thoughts. (i.e. art and poetry, etc.) People who are not bipolar and get those thoughts really don't want to realize that they really need help.

I am sad that he took his life. I am sad that he did not think that he had people he can go to. We do... We can talk and understand each other more then non-bipolar people. My husband is just in denial that I have an illness that will affect me (and him) for the rest of our lives.

tabby

1/21/10 8:02am

even those with Bipolar commit suicide

Bipolar can actually kill

most "normies" view depression as a weakness, as a lack of moral character

especially towards those who seem to stay in prolonged periods of depression

that is when, when they are with one who has a prolonged period... they want them to "snap out of it" or "get over it already" or "you just harbor this for attention and it's not working" or "you are taking those pills that are supposed to make you happy already, right? Cause if you are, they aren't working fast enough."

no one knows why your friend took his life. it is tragic and though many can perhaps "understand" how one's mind can venture into that very darkened place of being... no one knows what actually goes on inside another person's mind.

Your friend chose to take his life for whatever reason he had. He had options and in the back of his mind, he did know of them. He chose not to hear of those and concentrated on that which was driving him to the decision he chose.

Some, to admit they are having problems IS a sign of weakness. Some feel that if their lives are coming apart due to a spouse leaving them, what is the point of continuing? Some feel that "I'll show so and so" and commit suicide (IT does happen).

No one knows truly. We can speculate all day long but no one knows and no one else is in control of another individual's thoughts nor are they truly responsible for another's thoughts.

The only person for whom you are responsible for, in the realm of whether to act on your thoughts of suicidal ideation or suicidal intent, is you. You know there are options and you know where to go get help. If you choose not to hear those when the time comes... then you choose what you listen to and you make your choice.

I pray that if the time comes for you.. you'll make the choice to survive and you'll listen to those thoughts in the back of your mind.. not those in the forefront.

Friend committed suicide

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