The lithium has stopped working... Pdoc put me on Deprakote...going from 0 to 1500 mg FUN!!! Rapid cycling and mixed cycles are all I know these days. I am losing my mind... I feel just as bad if not worse then what I did before I was diagnosed. Husband is not being supportive (like he ever was).. This weekend he told me that he knows that I have bipolar (i have been dx'd for 2 years) he would just rather not hear about it. Wonderful, huh? I am at my wits end. Last night my suicidal idealition were so bad... I am glad that I had someone to talk to because if not I don't know what I would have done. I am tired for staying up all night so I was completely no help at work (which does not make my bosses attitude toward me any better) which spirals my thoughts out of control. Someone please stop this insanity...
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Changing meds... losing my mind
10/28/09 11:49pm
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Fatima
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How often are you seeing your pdoc?? When I had bad side effects like falling asleep driving on Geodon--I went off it; also had kidney malfunction on Lithium (though it was GREAT for my mood); tried this & that. Saw the psychiatric nurse practictioner every week or 2 weeks during the yr. it took to get my meds right (a cocktail). The pdoc I saw just after being dxed was kind of rigid. I was in a mixed episode & he put me on Depakote which lessened the agitation but did nothing for the depression, but he told me this was as good as it was going to get.
Wait a minute--I survived a suicide attempt for THIS ?? I don't think so. "Fired" him & got the lead on the np after I did a 6-week out-patient program at the hospital. That was when I was put on Lithium which worked so well, but my blood tests kept showing my kidneys were malfunctioning--doc even ordered an ulta sound to make sure it was the Lithium & I didn't (surprise!) have a tumor on my kidney! No tumor; Lithium gone.
So when I was discharged or graduated or whatever you call it from the out-patient program my therapist recommened this psychiatric np & boy, is she good!
Works w/me as an equal parnter in a collaborative relationship. Listens to my concerns (she wanted me to try Seroquel; I said "no way" due to already gaining weight on Abilify). Ended up w/Trazodone to help sedate me plus the extra bonus on the anti-depressant effect (also take 1 mg. of Klonopin at night).
Anyway, I would "fire" any person providing me w/medical treatment that would not address my situation if I were in a mixed state, manic, severely depressed or just plain "existing." Existing is not a good enough quality of life for me. I strive for much more. After so many suicide attempts, I'm just determined if life is worth living it has to be on my own terms & I'm going to do everything possible to make it a quality life otherwise, why bother?
Take care & don't accept being miserable. Call your pdoc & let him know what is going on!