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Changing meds... losing my mind

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quietlove

quietlove

Mon, October 26, 2009

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The lithium has stopped working... Pdoc put me on Deprakote...going from 0 to 1500 mg FUN!!!  Rapid cycling and mixed cycles are all I know these days. I am losing my mind... I feel just as bad if not worse then what I did before I was diagnosed.  Husband is not being supportive (like he ever was).. This weekend he told me that he knows that I have bipolar (i have been dx'd for 2 years) he would just rather not hear about it.  Wonderful, huh? I am at my wits end. Last night my suicidal idealition were so bad... I am glad that I had someone to talk to because if not I don't know what I would have done. I am tired for staying up all night so I was completely no help at work (which does not make my bosses attitude toward me any better) which spirals my thoughts out of control. Someone please stop this insanity...

Anonymous
S
10/28/09 10:04pm

How often are you seeing your pdoc?? When I had bad side effects like falling asleep driving on Geodon--I went off it; also had kidney malfunction on Lithium (though it was GREAT for my mood); tried this & that.  Saw the psychiatric nurse practictioner every week or 2 weeks during the yr. it took to get my meds right (a cocktail).  The pdoc I saw just after being dxed was kind of rigid.  I was in a mixed episode & he put me on Depakote which lessened the agitation but did nothing for the depression, but he told me this was as good as it was going to get.

 

Wait a minute--I survived a suicide attempt for THIS ?? I don't think so.  "Fired" him & got the lead on the np after I did a 6-week out-patient program at the hospital.  That was when I was put on Lithium which worked so well, but my blood tests kept showing my kidneys were malfunctioning--doc even ordered an ulta sound to make sure it was the Lithium & I didn't (surprise!) have a tumor on my kidney! No tumor; Lithium gone.

 

So when I was discharged or graduated or whatever you call it from the out-patient program my therapist recommened this psychiatric np & boy, is she good!

 

Works w/me as an equal parnter in a collaborative relationship.  Listens to my concerns (she wanted me to try Seroquel; I said "no way" due to already gaining weight on Abilify).  Ended up w/Trazodone to help sedate me plus the extra bonus on the anti-depressant effect (also take 1 mg. of Klonopin at night).

 

Anyway, I would "fire" any person providing me w/medical treatment that would not address my situation if I were in a mixed state, manic, severely depressed or just plain "existing."  Existing is not a good enough quality of life for me.  I strive for much more.  After so many suicide attempts, I'm just determined if life is worth living it has to be on my own terms & I'm going to do everything possible to make it a quality life otherwise, why bother?

 

Take care & don't accept being miserable.  Call your pdoc & let him know what is going on!

Anonymous
Anonymous
10/28/09 11:49pm

I found a company that offers a program that cured my son of bipolar and other mental disabilites.  You can read his story on EZine articles or www.cureahdhbipolar.net.

 

Fatima

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