Thinking of this subject has caused mixed emotions as I reflect upon the events of my life. It has been good but challenging and helped me to crystallise in my heart and head just how significant ‘my story' is - to me at least. Really the last 30+ years are intricately entwined in my wellness story. However, I have resisted the temptation to include my whole life story. Instead, I will give some of it - the parts of my recovery.
When I looked back trying to find my story of recovery, I discovered that there are many stories in my life - not just one. I'm sure the same is true in your life as well? This motivated me to document most of these ‘stories' into a compendium that I can return to time and again for encouragement and inspiration. It allows me to learn from the many successes that have occurred over the years; and enables me to look towards, and move forward into, the future.
I disagree with the notion that says we must never look backward - that we must only focus upon the future - and not to do so is a certain recipe for failure, a flaw of character in some crazy way. Quite the opposite is true don't you think? It is my view that if we don't look back we won't learn crucial lessons for success in the future; we won't be inspired or encouraged to do good things for ourselves and others. I believe we need to look back so that we can move into the future with wisdom and effectiveness; in a manner that enables us to accomplish more and experience a better quality of life - to live with the insidious illness that is bipolar in a more hopeful and empowering way. This will allow us to more successfully handle the events of life, in such a way that we are emboldened and ennobled to live life more meaningfully, creatively and fruitfully.
So I would now like to share some of my story & recovery.
To put things in perspective, my diagnosis is Bipolar Affective Disorder Type 1, mixed states, rapid cycling, predominantly depressive. I have epilepsy, co-morbid to the bipolar, as well as diabetes. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 1992, aged 32. However, successive doctors have identified clear symptoms of it since around the age of 10. I have also been diagnosed with a 'psychotic illness'.
In 1995, due to a bad medical decision, I almost lost my life. I was taken off all medications and subsequently experienced continuous epileptic seizures. I died and was brought back to life by a team of paramedics and died again on the way to hospital. After 3 months in hospital I had what was expected to be permanent brain damage. I did not even know what a knife and fork were.
I was then placed in an ‘old peoples home', at the age of 35 mind you. This place quickly became a supported accommodation facility. Although I didn't have a say in the matter at the time, it was the only place where I could be safe and secure.
After much long-term work on myself, I gradually recovered from the effects of this supposed brain damage, which according to my doctors was a miracle in itself. It's important to realise that during this time I was severely struggling with the bipolar disorder. Although I was very sick I handled this situation better than most - according to my Psychiatrist (mental health), Neurologist (epilepsy), and Endocrinologist (diabetes). I was also very sick with the diabetes - but that's a story for another time.
