I am so confused and so hurt. I married my childhood sweetheart. It is the second marriage for both of us. She was always the standard that no other woman could ever live up to.
But she has a dark side. Periodically, about every 30 days or so, she will go into a dark state where she claims that I cannot do anything right. I will come home and find that she has decided that I am using internet networking tools to "meet women." (I'm not.) That I am watching endless porn. (I'm not.) That I am having affairs. (I'm not.)
She has a major hang up with my ex-wife. The ex does not even acknowledge my wife, and my wife blames me for that. I have spoken to my ex about trying to be more civil with my wife for the sake of the kids, but I have no control over that. My wife yells at me to "be a man," or to "man up and tell that stupid bitch that she can't rule my life like she still rules yours."
I can take all that verbal abuse. The problem is that sometimes these rants will continue for days on end, where she will stay in bed all day, sometimes drinking, too, and stay awake all night yelling at me. If I engage, the fighting starts and escalates. If I ignore her, she usually calms down at some time so I can get a few hours of sleep before getting up and going to work.
I have left the house before when things get out of hand. Then I am blamed for "abandoning her." If I respond to her endless attacks, I am told later that I am the one who was yelling, not her.
Last weekend was the worst, though. She started screaming that my ex-wife has been sexually abused by her father since the age of 12. She just made this up, but asks "what kind of drugs" I am on for being so stupid as to not see it. I ask her where this comes from, and she just says it is "so obvious," and I must be an idiot not to see it.
Again, I don't care what she thinks of my ex. The problem is that she has escalated this into claiming that my kids are not mine, and are "the retarded, inbred offspring of that stupid ugly bitch and their grandfather."
I'm sorry, but this now implicates my kids' lineage, and my manhood, not to mention my judgment.
She yelled this at me, even with my kids in the house, for about a week. I have voice mails from her yelling this at me.
I allowed this to go on for one night last weekend with the kids there, and then I took them to a hotel for 2 days. I can't let them be exposed to this.
She now says it was all a joke and that I have no sense of humor. She says I abandoned her for the weekend. She is blaming me for spending money on a hotel with my kids, but never taking her anywhere.
She simply denies any accountability or responsibility.
I have contacted the local mental health institute, and I am going in for counseling on how to handle the situation. I also have insisted that my wife go to seek help. She says I am the one who is sick.
I don't think that I have a choice but to issue an ultimatum to either get help, or get out. This is not what I wanted from this relationship, but I don't think I can take this any more. I have become so frustrated with her incessant verbal attacks that I have cried, begged and pleaded for her to stop. But she won't. She follows me around the house in the middle of the night yelling at me. She locks me out of the room, then accuses me of "freaky incest" with my kids because I was sleeping in their room with them.
She won't let me sleep. She wonl't leave me alone. I am ashamed to say that I have slapped her and pushed her in an effort to get her to stop.
That is inexcusable on my part. But I am at wit's end. I need help. She needs help. Even if we get help, I don't think I can go through this again.
I just needed to tell my story. I am interested in knowing whether I am alone.
Published On: January 29, 2009