LOOKING FOR ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS!! HELP PLEASE

By Aleasha Wren Friday, April 18, 2008

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Hi I am looking for some answers about dealing with a BIPOLAR spouse!

I am a 31 year old woman who has fallin head over heals in love with a man who is severely bipolar. We have only been together for 4 months and in the begining i thought i was dreaming. to find that person i shared so many similarities too. WE have almost everything in common. Anyways to make a short story shorter i have three run ins with his Disorder and they have got worse each time. he gets so angry about anything and everything lately. Our latest fight was last night. he gets up in my face calling me the worst names you can imagin and egging me to hit him. when I try and get by him to walk away from the argument he yells and screams louder till i cant stand it the only way to get away from him is by force. i don't want a violent Relationship.He distroyed alot of things tonight. i finally got him to calm down and when he did he pretty muched passed out because of the angry fit he threw. I'm also a mother of a 13 year old boy who is ADHD, Bipolar, & manic anger aggresive disorder.i dont know exactly what my boyfriend has been diagnosed with but i know he acts alot like my 13 year old. My son also pretty much blacks out when his anger takes controle. With my son i have learned to watch for the signs of when he is about to blow up and can ussually talk him down and out of the fit. But this man I can't say a worrd to him threw a fit because it seems as if anything adds fire to the flame. I don't want to leave this man . I know thier is easier ways to deal with someone who is bipolar.I am asking anyone for any and all suggestions please!

Comments (7) | Add comment

Belle

4/18/08 6:52am

I am sorry but I feel that you shouldn't clain this man as your husband if you have only been together 4 months to me it seems your in a relationship that is already off to a destructive and unhealthy start and if you love him and don't want to leave him the I suggest you get yourself educated and start working with someone to get the help and support he needs. Otherwise you should leave him not because he is Bipolar but because your two are doing more harm then any good at all and before you both get any more involved. Living with Bipolar and living with someone that is Bipolar isn;t not easy and there is no one that will tell you that it is. If your know about mental illness then why are u not implementing what you have learned with your son to also do with this gentleman? He's not a 13 year he's a man and your claiming him as your husband then I suggest you find out more about each other and you may have to take the first few steps more then him but it seems you two know nothing of each other and are uneducated abouth any mental illness he has as you state he is severely bipolar and then you state you not sure what he his mental illness diagnosis is. Yet a diagnosis is one thing but it's what you two are doing two each other and I hope your son is not standing on the sidelines watching you two fight cause that is not a healthy balance for a child with or with out a mental illness.

Sometimes we need to hear what we see and know already from someone else's words to take effect and to get things roling. I do wis you three the best if your living true to yourselves.

Belle

Hopeful mom

4/18/08 6:59am

Do not even consider marrying a man who's unstable. Talk to Rusty. She has a bf who's bipolar and they live in separate homes. Your son needs a positive male role model for dealing with his anger. It's vital that he not be in a violent and unstable home.

tabby

4/18/08 7:29am

Actually, I have no advice that I hadn't given countless others who rush into a relationship with someone, without really getting to know them, and then think they can fix them - which is what you've done.

Your story is one of contradictions. He is your husband but you also say you've been together 4 months. He is severely bipolar but you don't know what mental illness he has. You 13 year old has all these mental illness diagnoses but as you manage your son, you can't manage your whatever he truly is.

You rushed headon into a relationship with a man who you don't have an iodia clue about. In the beginning everything looks rosy and sweet cause you are impressing and trying to hook each other. After you are hooked, and the need to be rosy and sweet no longer is called for, the real people come through.

You need to date someone, not live with someone but, to date someone for at least a year. Really truly get to know them. See them when they are sick, when they run out of money, who they relate to over time, how they are when their tooth hurts, etc... See them when life throws them a curveball and when life is good to them. You know - GET TO KNOW THEM before you jump in with them.

You have whatever he truly is and you don't want to leave but things are volatile because blah blah blah - he isn't on meds, he isn't going to therapy, he isn't seeing a psychiatrist - more than likely self medicating with alcohol or illegal drugs and you don't know what to do.

In that you don't know what type of mental illness he is - you are diagnosing him with Bipolar. It may very well be that he is simply a controlling manipulative jerk and have nothing to do with Bipolar and more perhaps a simple personality issue.

Get you & your son out of a volatile relationship that you put the 2 of you in because you wanted a man in your life. It isn't helping you and it isn't helping your son and you are showing your son what a man is supposed to be like - only it's the negative, not the positive. You want your son to see the positive so he'll be the positive when older and not have a wife or girlfriend crying about the same behavior.

kellysmith

4/22/08 12:51am

Number one is your son and yourself. I hope that your spouse is seeing a dr., if so maybe he needs a counselor too. I am bipolar and my spouse was not and it is a lot to deal with.

We were together for 7 years. He wasn't involved in my treatment, but I did everything I could to take care of myself. In fear of high mania or low depression. I certainly wasn't happy when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Took me a while to accept the illness. I don't know if this is making sense to you, but I am just sharing what has happened to me. Has your spouse recently been diagnosed?

Alice Ann Brennan

4/22/08 10:25am

Please, Please leave him. You will never be happy if you stay with this man. You will always be sad and that is no way to live.

Think of your boy. He is enough to be concerned with. He is the one that needs your help.

I am BiPolar.

A friend

Aleasha Wren

4/23/08 5:31am

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SITE WERE PEOPLE WHERE ACTUALLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DISEASE THAT BEING BIPOLAR IS. I AM NOT MARRIED TO TIS MAN WE HAVE ONLY BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 4 MONTHS BUT HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR APPR. 2 YEARS. NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDER STAND MY FEELINGS FOR THIS MAN. THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE SINCE ONLY I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL. I HAVE WENT THROUGH MY LIFE WITH ONLY NEGATIVE TO NO INCOURAGEMENT. THIS HAS TAUGHT ME ALOT OF THINGS. ONE IS NOT TO JUDGE SOME ONE BY A DISEASE THEY HAVE THAT THEY DID NOT CAUSE THEM SELVES. THAT WOULD BE LIKE TELLING SOMEONES SPOUSE THAT HAS CANCER TO LEAVE HIM OR HER BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE OTHERS SICKNESS. YOU PEOPLE JUDGE WAY TO HARSH. PEOPLE NEED OTHERS FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE.NO ONE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS AND I'LL BE DARNED IF I EVER GIVE UP ON ANYONE THAT NEEDS IT FROM ME.ALSO NONE OF THESE INCIDENTS HAS HAPPENED AROUND MY SON . I WAS WAS JUST STATING ON HOW IT SEEMS TO BE EASIER WITH HIM. BUT TRUST ME FOR A WHILE IT WAS PAINFULL CAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM. PLUS I COULD NOT CONTROL HIM FOR THE FACT THAT HE IS 5FT 7. AND 195LBS. MY SON OUT GREW ME 2 YEARS AGO AND HAS THE STENGHT OF A HERD OF ELEPHANTS. WITCH DOUBLES WHEN HE GOWS INTO A RAGE. I NEVER GAVE UP THOUGH . I'M NOT A QUITTER. SO PLEASE ENOUGH OF THE NEGATIVE COMMMENTS. NTO ALL ARE THE SAME. THIER IS HELP AND UNDERSTANDING FOR ALL IN GODS WORLD.

SINCERELY,

ALW

Megan

4/30/08 9:52pm

I can say that I can relate to what you are talking about, and the name-calling and egging-on happens to me often with my bipolar partner. We get along so well most of the time, but then he gets manic to the point where I just need to get out in my car for an hour and try again. I've been with my partner for just over 3 months now, and this is how I've dodged the "mania bullets" so to speak.

I guess the only advice that I can give from my stand is to be aware of when your partner is going into a manic state, try to get as far away as possible for a while so that he doesn't feel stress and so you don't have to experience, and then come back within an hour when he has possibly had a chance to relax. I'm not bipolar, but I have an anxiety disorder and cannot be around him when he is manic, because it makes me manic and sets off my own problems.

I applaud you and wish you the best of luck. If you ever have any questions as to your safety, then go stay with a friend for a night but never let him hurt you. No woman, or man, deserves that. When he goes back to normal, only then should you be around him.

Take care!

LOOKING FOR ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS!! HELP PLEASE

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