Well for sometime now, ever since i was fired from my previous job on Jan 4th, i have been contemplating whether i should go back to work or not. I have realized during my time at the previous job that i was not good at it because of my struggle with bipolar. Believe it or not but that was an easy job...well would've been if i had my mental sharpness like i did in my high school years. This sucks and at times it is very heart breaking. I am soo young. I know time, life, and illness are not picky and with any opportunity will overcome you, but i feel kinda robbed of a life that i could've possibly had. Maybe a better or more stable life. I am not trying to sound like im a weak human being or pitiful but this is an adjustment that i honestly do not know how to handle. I am on unemployment and the money is helping my boyfriend and i, plus his pay check, to get by. I cant expect to be on this for no longer than 6 months. I struggle with the simplest things everyday and that worries and discourages me to go back to work. My loving boyfriend says he would work 2 jobs if need be so i would not have to go back to work. I am not going to put all that stress of supporting us on him. I must do my part in this relationship despite my condtion. I am praying to find a way.
He tells me to go more into the creative arts. I shared with him that i love to write novels and poetry. I also love to drawl. I do, but that does not erase that fact that we will need a steady check when unemployment runs out. He tells me not to worry. I try not to but that is a little impossible when you have debt and bills following you everywhere and everyday. This week i am going to see my therapist and express to her that i need to apply for SSD. I hope she will point me in the right direction. I just cant sit around and not do nothing. I will continue to sit down and write books but in certain states or areas they do not pay much for that, but i will continue. Hopefully one day i could be good at what i enjoy. Maybe bring in some money, but thats not the present. The present situation is getting stable, confident, and a decent pay check.
