My Fears

By rklyn26 Monday, September 27, 2010

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I have been taking the time to sit and reflect on alot of my new health issues and conserns. Probably my major concern is the Memory Loss. I saw a doctor and did some testing for it. The results were not devastating but did make me worry about if the memory loss will get worse. On top of that i also realized that i cant learn new material without the struggle of remembering and understanding. I get stressed out and cant stop thinking about getting back out there in the workforce. I have a difficult time at home with just daily tasks and i can only imagine how that would go down in employment. I applied for SSD but i have been informed that the evaulation of the applcation will at least take 3 months to make a desicion which really sucks because my unemployment extention will run out by the end of November. My boyfriend has been very helpful and patient about all of this and is willing to take on another job to make ends meet.

I swear to you that i feel like a loser because i cant work right now, maybe even never. I just hope and pray for peace and extreme guidance in this matter. What is the point of me still existing or being in a relationship if i cant contribute in one of the most important ways? Alot to think about. But i think i just might need to sit down and cry and accept things. In some ways i have accepted things but in some ways i still have a long way to go. Any thoughts people of this community here? I appreciate reading your stories, thoughts, and wisdom.. I need a dose 100mg(LOL) of all three if you got any to share.

Thank you for reading!

Rights Of A Person With A Mental Disease

Comments (4) | Add comment

dee

9/27/10 9:02am

no worries about the memory loss, have you just had an episode or been given new medication? that is always the reason for memory loss and another is you are not on the right medicine and you are in an episode currently which totally screws up your memory. my friend who was a harvard grad. is 50 and when i met him in the hospital he thought he was getting alheimers but as time went by i talked with him frequently he spoke with others and his medicine got adjusted after three weeks he was himself again. he was losing his memory because he was sick and his current medicine was either too low, too high, or just not the right kind, peace.

rklyn26

9/28/10 5:53pm

I talked to my doctor about it and he said it wasnt necessarily the med im taking Lamictal but i just have a hard time recalling info and understanding it. He believes that it is the bipolar and not anything else. I will admit that i have been under alot of stress lately. Everything just sucks right now. Hah

Tabby

9/27/10 8:27pm

I have struggled with mental illness for nearly 34 years now and my memory is getting worse (and I'm only in my early 40s). My focus and concentration is way off, my ability to retain information is gradually declining, and my ability to comprehend what I read is getting worse.

I can go throughout a day and literally have moments where I do not remember the moments prior. So, I get the concern about memory eroding.

I am also, currently, on an anti-convulsant that is notorious for memory and cognitive dysfunction. I've had to lower the dosage myself in order to just think because any higher dosage and I'm just not able to function.

Yet, I've not always been on this or these type meds and yet.... I work full time in a demanding job that does require me to remember details and to focus on projects. It's a struggle and it's d near impossible some days but I am still plodding through and I've gotten to where I write down everything... lists everywhere.

If you think it may be your meds... and it may very well be... then talk with the doc and see if there is something else to take or perhaps a dosage adjustment that is both effective for what you are taking it for and yet leaves you with a bit more clarity.

MANY of the meds actually cause more dysfunctioning in folk's daily lives than they assist... it's just different types of dysfunctioning. Meds are supposed to make the quality of one's life better and/or easier and to stabilize one's moods and manage one's behavioral impulses so that one can better maintain relationships AND employment... not to cause more hassle and disability.

rklyn26

9/28/10 6:01pm

I can relate. My memory is crap now. I did speak with my doc about it and he thinks that it just may be the bipolar and not Lamictal. I have had alot of stress now but who knows. I do agree with you on the fact that some of these meds that pple take these days screw us up and they are supposed to be helpful. I have seen it too many times and it saddens me but i guess the is the unfortunate price we pay. Sucks to be us sometimes but i am living through it day by day. I get alot of help through family and friends. Now i just worry about employment. What employer do you know will have patience for someone like me? I in the past job i had always took down notes and it helped greatly but after awhile the boss was like "you shouldnt need ur notes anymore" hah screwed up my whole game plan. I have to start all over again. Hmmmm.......what do i do?

My Fears

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