I remember my first mania, that led to my diagnosis, was in the spring. New life, the return of warm weather and the flowers blooming all culminated in an experience so rich and overwhelming for me I think I just snapped. When this happened again the next year despite the meds and therapy, I knew I had to come to grips with nature on my own terms because I couldn't fear the end of winter every year. I even stopped planting flowers for a few years because literally my garden seemed magical to me and it messed with my head. Well, it's been 19 Springs since that initial meltdown and I'm marveling at the renewing earth perfectly sane. The difference for me lies in not shutting out one or the other explanation for why nature touches me so deeply. Yes, chemically I am capable of deep thought and contemplation that can cause elation and joy outside the realm of "normal." I accept that and take daily medication to level off the mood swings. But I also have a soul that is connected to the universe as a whole and to deny those feelings of connectedness is to deny myself. This Fall I planted bulbs with the intention of watching them bloom in the Spring. I am happy to report the shoots are coming through the ground right on schedule. I on the other hand, am not shooting up anywhere and am quite grounded. I'd love to hear from any seasonal mood swingers who may have had a similar experience.
Published On: April 25, 2008
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