Losing it and escape

By cgoehring78 Sunday, September 19, 2010

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Right now I feel like crawling into a tight circle and rocking back and forth with a blanket over me. I can't detach myself from the emotions around me and I'm filled with a tornado of guilt, worry, fear, anger, frustration, sadness, mental destruction and lashing out. But nothing comes out. So I sleep and sleep and hide and pretend everything is okay. But they know it's not. I take my meds. I see my docs. I get regular exercise. But I have chaos in my home and I am too afraid to do anything about it. I don't want to lose my husband's love and respect. I don't want to lose a friend. I'm so messed up. I will take my meds and go back to bed. It's my only comfort. Other than God. Who knows everything I am going through.

Comments (4) | Add comment

alxv

9/20/10 3:43pm

It seems that you are surrounded by fears, they are rulling your life. look inside yourself and see what is really going on. What is the worse that can happen? Look at your heart, talk with your husband don't go to bed and sleep while he stays by himself wondering what is going on with you.

Most of the confusion we feel are just anxiety and fear which is an ilusion most of the times. Face your fears and see there's nothing there but thoughts. If your husband loves you he will be by yourside and help you through the way, like your friend.

Meds don't do our job which is taking over our brain and our life you have to find yourself again and have the corage to come out and live your life. You're the boss, don't believe all the thoughts that are messing up your mind, fight, fight back and face them! You will find your true self again. You say you believe in God? Well, he believes in you too!

You are not alone, we are all in the same boat don't lose yourself to this disorder.

God bless you, don't lose the faith in you.

All the best,

Alexandra

Armywife07

9/20/10 11:07pm

I would go into my little "coma" as well. I eventually had to take my daughter to her grandmothers for about 3 weeks at one point in time. I would sleep, use the restroom and go back to sleep. Honestly, the best thing that has helped me manage my B.P., especially since I stopped being a garbage can for pills is Psychotherapy. I found a Therapist that introduced me to hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. The best knowledge I have gained in years!! I noticed you mentioned you would take your medicine and see your docs, but do you have a Therapist to talk to? He or she would be able to help you take control of your life and get you steps closer to taking control of your home. If your house is chaos, your family needs to learn to respect, they don't have to understand, but they should respect what you're going through and that you need your family and the people in your home to support you & encourage you & help you in anyway they can. By you living in a home of chaos, weather it's people in and out, music blaring, kid arguing and running around crazy, no help to clean....whatever the chaos my be, I can assure you that it's just holding you back from acheiving mental wellness. My sister has Bipolar I and her home is the same way. It just drives her even more to isolate the world, sleep & ignore her life. Don't depend on meds to heal you. They only do a partial of the work. The mojority of acheiving mental wellness is through yourself. I hope you have better spirits soon =)

Shelly

9/21/10 9:38pm

For me, definitely, the ticket has been weekly psychotherapy...Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I found out that I was a rapid cycler...I didn't show it to my previous therapist because I didn't see her often enough. I was correctly diagnosed by my current pdoc and then I got on the correct med. CBT has taught me how to control and direct the thoughts to the positive when I'm faced with any stressors. Before I was spinning my wheels. I was trying so hard but I couldn't 'will' myself to be positive anymore. I first had to accept that I had bipolar. Then I read everything I absolutely could get my hands on about bipolar. I tried different things to find the balance of what would work for MY body.

I'm not guaranteed no setbacks. It's the nature of the beast of bipolar. I know that I probably will have times of depression or hypomania again. I have LOTS of support and I am very thankful for that. I've found that it's in the very difficult times that I HAVE to rely more on God. My faith grows every time.

You can also get on top of this. You have a great support system with all of us here on bipolarconnect. We are here for you to give you encouragement. Keep trying. God wants you to have peace. He is there for you ALL the time even when it 'SEEMS' like everyone has deserted you. (you are never alone...it's just the unhealthy thinking patterns that make its feel like it).

Bipolar sucks. It does. But we can learn to live with it and not have it control us. We CAN control it and live a wonderful life.

God Bless,

Shelly

Eric

9/23/10 5:24am

Sounds like you need a med adjustment. I would suggest that you make that call and try to be as honest as possible about the mixed state your in.

Losing it and escape

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