I have been very down lately, and a weekend by myself was coming up. I asked my friend J...supposedly one of my support people, to help me by keeping an eye on me over the weekend. i aknowledged that J had a lot going on in her life right now, and if it was too much trouble to tell me.
I have been trying to cultivate a new friendship with a woman L., both my friend and I know. i have talked with L. several times and was hopeful about her being a good friend. My friend J. then told L. all about me, my bipolar disorder and my depressions, without my permission. I knew this because the next time i saw L., she hugged me and said in a very concilliatory voice, we'll get you through, don't worry. She later made several comments about me being unwell.. I felt betrayed. I feel I cannot have a normal relationship with L. because now she will always think of me as "ill". Having bipolar disorder and keeping friendships is hard, as you all know, because we can "use our friends up" with our depressed periods. i feel left out of the circle of the 3 of us, betrayed and alone. I am angry with j. for telling L. without my permission, but I feel i cannot confront J, because maybe she WASN'T emotionally available to help me this weekend. I am in a muddle and feel despondent. J. was my major support person and I have spent a lot of time with her. I feel my chances with L. are minimal...for ever having a relationship not colored by my disorder. I wouldn't have told L. until I was sure we were good friends enough that our friendship could withstand the news. Any thoughts? Sorry about all the confusing J.s and L.s.
Having bipolar "should" be no different than having diabetes or a heart condition, advocates say, but the stigma is so strong that I also choose only to divulge my disorder to very few people & only after I've known them for awhile & they know me without the filter of thinking of me as "mentally ill." Having bipolar does impact every aspect of my life & it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of, but people do view us as possibly dangerous & then scrutinize our every action or what we say to look for "signs." When I'm being watched & judged that closely, I can sound irrational at times (over-reacting to a situation perhaps) but if my disorder were not known it wouldn't be analyzed, just "Well, she's having a bad day."
I'm sorry about the situation you are in. Friends & a good support system are so important. Do you go to a support group? I find that very helpful.
hi Im new to this blog and I have only been diagnosed about a month, told family members and I feel they treat me different now.I take 10mg ritalin and working my way up to 300mgs of seroquel at night.I have accepted that I have bipolar,but its so very hard.When I first started taking my meds I had to go back home because my dad went into the hospital for viral pneumonia.Well to make a long story short while my dad was in the hospital my little half sister,who is 20 drank a pint of gin and a bottle of wine and while she is doing this she is being an ass and saying you cant drink because your bipolar with a smirk on her face,I told her I was well aware of that.She starts bragging how last weekend while at a party,she picked up a rattlesnake and then got into a fight with a guy and won.Hum,I thought to myself she is doing the same kinds of things that I used to do.I went straight to bed ,because I did not want to take the brunt of her destruction.The next day my dad returned home from the hospital with some nyquil to help him sleep.My sister woke up and came down stairs saw the nyquil and chugged it.My dad did not see this and asked me who got into the nyquil,I told him that sissy did.He said Im hiding it.Then my stepmom told dad that she needed it because she was having a bad period.Everyone knew that she had a bad hangover.I started talking to dad about my sisters behavior and told dad that she is displaying bipolar behaviors as well.He told me that the only aunt blanch in the family was me.(aunt blanch was manic depressive and died from whisky.)I was so hurt,I was just trying to say that I was concerned and that he should talk to her about her drinking,my mistake.I feel so alone right now,no family support at all.I feel almost like I have been disowned.I think they are afraid to learn about bipolar disorder because they just might have to look in the mirror themselves.Anyway I got alot off my chest and I feel better now.Hope to hear from someone soon.
That is a lot of drinking & a lot of denial going on. People with untreated bipolar (& even many who are on meds but are addicted or still not medicated properly) abuse alcohol. My mother was bipolar & also an alcoholic--not a good combo at all. Before I got on the right meds I drank to excess & smoked as well to the point that my first child was 2 1/2 mos. premature.
It sounds like you are doing amazingly well in all this craziness (excuse this word if you are offended--some people are; it is only a word to me). If you are newly diagnosed (or "oldly" diagnosed as I am) therapy is a good idea in combination with medication. I would highly recommend discussing this family situation with a competent therapist & trying to figure out how to follow a good wellness plan for YOURSELF since you cannot "cure" your family, but you can be a good example of recovery to them. Keep up the good job that you are doing. All by best to you.
Thanks for your reply.I have therapy today,sometimes I hate it sometimes I love it.Today we are gonna go over things that I have done in the past.I Know that I cannot fix family members but it still hurts that I have to distance myself from them to remain emotionally stable.My mom asked me to come for thanksgiving I am gonna have to say no because they drink beer daily and my mom is addicted to pain pills.I love her and want to see her but I am afraid that I will relapse.I can't afford to because I have worked so hard on my recovery and a relapse would set me back too far.Am I a weak person for saying no?
NO, I would say you are very strong for putting your recovery first despite all the family pressure & denial & them not understanding (or pretending they don't or they would have to confront their own issues). I had to separate myself from my father as he was just a toxic person for me & he was an alcoholic, as well--a "functioning alcoholic" where he could work & everything, but he was drinking all day long & always had some alcohol in his system.
It was hard; he thought I was seeking attention; that I was selfish & immature, etc. as I had to sever this relationship when I was about 22. But I just realized I would never have a good father-daughter relationship with him & that the relationship I did have was detrimental to my mental health. I not only had myself to think about, but my child & my husband.
It was time for me to start to figure out who I was & who I wanted to be. He definitely didn't bring out the best in me.
Glad you have a good therapist.
Since I have been diagnosed bipolar I am more aware of my mood swings,just knowing why I am the way I am is a big help.MY kids always say your crazy mom .I remind them that its hereditary and not to lauph too much.Their great kids and they always add a little humor to my situation,it helps to know that they love me no matter what.Even though I do not get support from some of my family members I will always have the support from my kids.Thanks for making me feel better about my decision not to visit my mom on thanksgiving.Maybe when I am more stable I will be able to.