I have a husband with bipolar. He is very controling. If he isn't in contol he tells me to live some where else. He can be very mean. Most of the time he doesn't take his meds.
Always lowers my sel asteam. It doesn't matter if I hurt, he doesn't care he tells me this. He always blames the fighting on me. I try to help him he refuses.
He tells me he doesn't love me any more.
What should I, or can I do?
Thank you.
I also have a husband with bipolar. A few years ago he had a couple of depressed episodes so I went with him to the doctor who described an antidepressant. About six months later his personality changed and exhibited similar traits to your husband. During that time he was very insensitive to everyone in the family particularly me, his wife. One time I complained that he acted as if everything was about him, and he hollered back at me, IT IS ALL ABOUT ME! I couldn't understand the personality change as he was not like that at all, at least not that I'd ever seen. I actually moved into the spare bedroom for a few months. Some more time went by and he became very depressed again and suicidal, (he was much nicer to me though) that's when we went to the hospital and found out he had bipolar! Since he's been on his meds he's been pretty much back to his old self. The other two posts offer excellent advise and I'm just letting you know I understand about the abusive attitude.
I don't know. Sounds pretty bad to me. As far as you controlling your self esteem? Hmnn. True in theory. But when you spend day after day, month after month, year after year with an abusive spouse (BP or not) even the strongest can cave.
One thing's for sure, if he doesn't exhibit any signs of empathy towards you or your marriage it ain't good. It doesn't sound like he's anywhere close to admitting he has a problem, doesn't sound likely that he will seek treatment.
You might consider removing yourself from the situation. Staying in an abusive situation is for the birds. You're also saying on some level that his treatment is "A-OK". There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you love them, that you'll be there for them, meet them halfway if they want to make changes, but in the meantime, you will not tolerate this kind of situation for yourself.
Bucking up, or getting involved in calling the police, those are options, too. But do you really want to stay immersed in this toxic situation? He has shown NO REMORSE in any state of mind, correct?
I'm not saying file for divorce. I'm just suggesting you look to take cover, find save haven - it will give you both a breather to consider what the future holds.
I just subscribed to this website because I just read this from you Melba. I found myself in tears because I am living in the exact same situation as you are. Everything you just said is what I go through as well. My husband has not been diagnosed. He won't go to the doctor to get diagnosed. Nothing is wrong with HIM according to him and the fights are ALWAYS my fault even though I know I did not start them.
We had a terrible episode over the weekend and I have been thinking very hard about what may be wrong with him so I looked up bipolar disorder and I am finding out that the symptoms are HIM.
I would like to talk with you some more if that would be okay via email. I want to further explore this theory I have that my husband is most likely bipolar.
All I can tell you is that you are not alone.
Amy,
I was just woundering how you have been?
I really would love to talk with you.
Share some insight with you.
All my life I've worked and have no time for friends.
Here is my e-mail address. christianlifeisgod@yahoo.com
Hope to hear from you? God Bless, Keep your chin up.
We'll talk soon I hope. I also have yahoo messanger.
Always Warm wishes, Melba.
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2012 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
This is only my opinion, right or wrong. I can't give advice or make suggestions but I can give a stranger's perception and thoughts of your Sharepost and that's what I'm doing.
You can't make him do anything he doesn't wish or want to do nor can you make him accept help if he doesn't wish or want help.
IF he becomes a danger to himself and/or to others, call 911.
Otherwise,
You aren't responsible nor can you make anyone - anyone - feel, think, react, or respond in any manner or way. You can't. You are not in control of anyone else.
In the same regard sug...
NO ONE ELSE, truly and honestly, purely and simply, is in control of how you feel about anything, think, react, or respond in any manner or way to anything or anyone. THEY can't. THEY are not in control of you.
If you have self-esteem issues, then you have self-esteem issues. He has no control over whether your self-esteem is great or whether it is shattered. YOU dear.. you are in control over whether your self-esteem is great or shattered.
Your value and worth is not in what others feel or think of you. It solely rests in what you think and feel of yourself. Once you realize this, for yourself, you'll see that no matter what anyone else does or doesn't do - says or doesn't say, it isn't going to mean a whole lot to you. It's what you say and do to yourself, feel and think of and to yourself, that is going to matter.
It matters even now but, in reverse cause otherwise your self-esteem wouldn't be lowered, your feelings wouldn't get hurt, and well...
No one here can tell you what to do or where to go or what to decide...
You are only in control and are only responsible and accountable for yourself, your thoughts, feelings, reactions and responses....
If your husband gets abusive, verbally, emotionally, threatens you in any way, tells you to leave if you dont like it, gets abusive in ANY way physically, shoves you, puts his fist in your face or thru the wall, hurts you in any fashion, call the police! Tell the police he is bipolar and tell on him real good and have them take him to a crisis center for evaluation and tell them he is non med compliant. Bipolar doesnt have to be like that. It can be managed and dealt with and things will get better. Is he like this with his boss, friends, or anybody else, his parents? If not he is just using you for a toilet, if yes, all the more reason to call the police. Make up index cards on what you need to tell the police because you will probably be too upset for recall at that time. This all will really p-s- him off. That's ok because the cops get to see it first hand. Get neighbors to help you. Tell them asap. Ask for a police team special trained in handling mentally ill spouses.Do this in advance to find out what your options are. Is he gonna get mad? yeah, so what, hes gonna keep on getting mad til someone helps him and that someone is probably you. Remember, plan your moves out in advance. Get his friends to help!
Been there. I work with a group of bipolar people, Ive seen it all. Bipolar myself
Kelti