My Divorce.

     Tabby,

Mabe you can get a better idea if I explain more.

     Not only did we fall in love to quick but,married

in three short weeks of knowing eachother.

I kick my self all the time, so does my father,they

can't stand eachother. Then again,

 my parents never

humanly took care of me. My husband has a good point.

I was very abused as a child, in all ways. I realize my

husband has this illness. I always would pray with him.

I always took care of him, even if he would abuse me

mentally.He would always repay me with,not only unkind

words, everything except physically harming me; I made

sure he knew not to. Today he told me again to just leave

and never call him or come back.I despertly, need praying

for,I want what God wants. I'm supposed to be out by next

Wendsday. He called my father today and trys shifting the

blame on him,which I agree to a point but, he wanted my dad

to send me money so I could get out right away. One of my

husbands friends called him up today and told him he should be

a man and stop abuising me mentally and stop kicking me out

every time he doesn't get what he wants.He quoted scrpture

to him. His responce was later, "don't come home ever!"

     His friend tells me I shouldn't let him use me for a punching

bag. I told him, "Im a christian, I can't be mean."

     Honestly, I don't want the divorce, I don't want to be sorry

after the fact. I really don't don't no what to do.

                                Sincerely, Melba.

I've spent the last 30 minutes looking for a passage in the Bible about what Love is and what Love isn't.  Tells you how well I know the Bible. 

YET, I do know there is a passage in there that specifically describes what Love truly is and it is not abusive, it is not demeaning, it is not berating - vulgar - unkind - unloving - violent - angry - destroying - tearing down - ridiculing - lowering - stomping - etc... it is not.

You say you come from a abusive childhood, met this man, and 3 weeks later married him.  So, were you perhaps maybe trying to escape a abusive childhood to live with one whom you thought would not abuse?

So.. you want to stay because you say you are a Christian and you aren't mean.  Honey God did not mean for you to live in this misery and if others are pointing out to you AND to your husband that he is abusing you... then there is something going on that you just are not opening your eyes fully to see.

You live within what you are accustomed to because you fear what may be out there.  If you are, like me who was brought up in a abusive home, accustomed to being abused, walked on, and browbeaten (along with other things)... then this is what we seek out cause it's what we know.  However, it is not what we deserve to have happen.

God loves you.

You have to come to love yourself as God does before you can find love that will truly love you.  If you don't, then all you'll find is those who also do not and well... more of what you have become accustomed to.

You are special and you are loved by one much greater than your husband or yourself or your family.

I can't tell you what to do and no one else can.  We can only tell you what we see and hear you typing out but not what for you to actually do with your life cause we don't live it and what we would likely do may not be right for you in your situation.  You have to make whatever decisions you make on your own and within your own self.

I wish you peace.

     Tabby,

I just want to thank you so very, very much!

     You are very knowledgable. God gave you

wisdom. You are surley blessed.

                      Sincerely, Melba.

     Tabby,

I thought about your letter.

     I did reconsider. So, I woke up early

and really gave it my best thoughts.

I believe God was leading me.

I explained that we both should for our

own peace of mind think about this closely.

     I feel as I'm back to the drawing board.

He said he wasn't going to change his mind,

If I go back the way I used to be as I'm,

I should leave. I felt I'd written all this for nothing.

     I'm discurraged. One good thing about all this I

left our church a message and someone is supposed

to call us back. The problem is, I'm all wrong, it's all me.

     Time to let go again, and let God.

                     Sincerely, Melba.

     Thanks so ,so, much!

I will read that book.

     Can you suggust more please?

           Sincerely, Melba.

Well, if I remember correct 'Unveiling Mary Magdeline' by Liz Higgs was a monumental book as far as being able to reconcile myself as it being 'alright' in God's eyes that I was completely nuts, and that He was all that mattered anyway no matter how many **** ups I make , and it's true.  Be careful not to place too much faith in what your church will tell you to do and so on as they are human too and often err, but you will know if they are trustworthy or not. I mean don't let them judge you. Both of those authors could have all their works read and it would be one of the best things you could spend time doing, very, very, good learning experience. (well there's a few entertaining novels too with a bit more fluff)