Hello ,
Thank you for all the in put everyone.
I guess I'll be moving along shortly.
My husband filed for divorce.
I tried for two long years with our marriage.
nothing I have tried worked.
I have tried praying,counseling, everything
I could think of has been done.
My love is almost dead.
Sincerely, Melba.
Hi, you need to read the 'Liniage of Grace' by Francine Rivers if you haven't yet, it will make a world of difference to you on this subject 
not to mention some other ones when you're done that.
Well, if I remember correct 'Unveiling Mary Magdeline' by Liz Higgs was a monumental book as far as being able to reconcile myself as it being 'alright' in God's eyes that I was completely nuts, and that He was all that mattered anyway no matter how many **** ups I make 
, and it's true. Be careful not to place too much faith in what your church will tell you to do and so on as they are human too and often err, but you will know if they are trustworthy or not. I mean don't let them judge you. Both of those authors could have all their works read and it would be one of the best things you could spend time doing, very, very, good learning experience. (well there's a few entertaining novels too with a bit more fluff)
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you put forth the effort Melba, you tried all you knew to do
he did not from what you posted last time
your love is not almost dead... if you truly loved him, it is still there unfortunately
it just may be pushed aside in order for you to get through this period
i put more effort into my abusive marriage and my abusive husband (no Bipolar) did not have the time of day for me for many many years
yet I truly loved him and when I divorced him... I still truly loved him and still do
so, the love I have for him is not dead unfortunately cause if it were I'd not struggle so in regards to my marriage having had to dissolve - and it had to
but, I am learning to somehow put it aside into another place so as it won't hurt me quite so much when I do think about it from here on out
some days is much tougher, the learning and practicing, than others
peace, I wish
Tabby,
Mabe you can get a better idea if I explain more.
Not only did we fall in love to quick but,married
in three short weeks of knowing eachother.
I kick my self all the time, so does my father,they
can't stand eachother. Then again,
my parents never
humanly took care of me. My husband has a good point.
I was very abused as a child, in all ways. I realize my
husband has this illness. I always would pray with him.
I always took care of him, even if he would abuse me
mentally.He would always repay me with,not only unkind
words, everything except physically harming me; I made
sure he knew not to. Today he told me again to just leave
and never call him or come back.I despertly, need praying
for,I want what God wants. I'm supposed to be out by next
Wendsday. He called my father today and trys shifting the
blame on him,which I agree to a point but, he wanted my dad
to send me money so I could get out right away. One of my
husbands friends called him up today and told him he should be
a man and stop abuising me mentally and stop kicking me out
every time he doesn't get what he wants.He quoted scrpture
to him. His responce was later, "don't come home ever!"
His friend tells me I shouldn't let him use me for a punching
bag. I told him, "Im a christian, I can't be mean."
Honestly, I don't want the divorce, I don't want to be sorry
after the fact. I really don't don't no what to do.
Sincerely, Melba.
I've spent the last 30 minutes looking for a passage in the Bible about what Love is and what Love isn't. Tells you how well I know the Bible.
YET, I do know there is a passage in there that specifically describes what Love truly is and it is not abusive, it is not demeaning, it is not berating - vulgar - unkind - unloving - violent - angry - destroying - tearing down - ridiculing - lowering - stomping - etc... it is not.
You say you come from a abusive childhood, met this man, and 3 weeks later married him. So, were you perhaps maybe trying to escape a abusive childhood to live with one whom you thought would not abuse?
So.. you want to stay because you say you are a Christian and you aren't mean. Honey God did not mean for you to live in this misery and if others are pointing out to you AND to your husband that he is abusing you... then there is something going on that you just are not opening your eyes fully to see.
You live within what you are accustomed to because you fear what may be out there. If you are, like me who was brought up in a abusive home, accustomed to being abused, walked on, and browbeaten (along with other things)... then this is what we seek out cause it's what we know. However, it is not what we deserve to have happen.
God loves you.
You have to come to love yourself as God does before you can find love that will truly love you. If you don't, then all you'll find is those who also do not and well... more of what you have become accustomed to.
You are special and you are loved by one much greater than your husband or yourself or your family.
I can't tell you what to do and no one else can. We can only tell you what we see and hear you typing out but not what for you to actually do with your life cause we don't live it and what we would likely do may not be right for you in your situation. You have to make whatever decisions you make on your own and within your own self.
I wish you peace.
I thought about your letter.
I did reconsider. So, I woke up early
and really gave it my best thoughts.
I believe God was leading me.
I explained that we both should for our
own peace of mind think about this closely.
I feel as I'm back to the drawing board.
He said he wasn't going to change his mind,
If I go back the way I used to be as I'm,
I should leave. I felt I'd written all this for nothing.
I'm discurraged. One good thing about all this I
left our church a message and someone is supposed
to call us back. The problem is, I'm all wrong, it's all me.
Time to let go again, and let God.
Sincerely, Melba.
Tabby,
I just want to thank you so very, very much!
You are very knowledgable. God gave you
wisdom. You are surley blessed.
Sincerely, Melba.