I started Seroquel 2 days ago, but sleep is still hard to come by for me.  My doctor wants me to try this for a week and come back in and see him.  He said he would get me into a psychiatrist.  See I'm on Medicaid and there is only one psychiatrist they send patients to, I've already seen this guy and he never spoke with me for more than 5min and kept telling me to take my Zoloft that was killing me, making my head worse than ever.  So the doctor is going to see if we can bypass this and get me into a woman that I may feel more comfortable with.

I don't open up to anyone so I am working on it.  My s/o would love nothing more than for me to put down my walls and not push him away.  I have a very deviant mind I can twist words around and make up stories that I eventually believe to be true, god that sounds so crazy to see me typing this, but I know I do it.  Sometimes I don't know if things happen in my head or in reality, I try to decipher the two-- Is this common? 

Please don't say I'm crazy...

I spent most my life in school so I would have structure and everything is tangible-- I can read it so it is real (if that makes sense to anyone).  I have more degrees than I know what to do with, but I have never been able to work in a business environment.  The only job I know is bars, I worked in titty bars all over the country because I felt safe there lol.  I guess it gave me some sort of distorted happiness to hang out with some pretty crazy people-- I fit in with these people.  And now that I think about it I was probably the craziest as all the girls called me daddy...

This lifestyle is not something I want for my son to be around; so I live in the country, but I have no friends-- all the girls here stay away from me.  I don't know I'm just rambling now.

Thank you for your concerns.  I am just needing someone to talk to that won't judge me, or give me that look (you know the look).  I guess that is why it is easier for me to type it then say it aloud.

Thanks