God help me please

By Shandy Thursday, January 31, 2008

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So since I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with Bipolar my EX has had a judge sign an emergency custody order, so yesterday they came and took my baby. DHS has come by because my EX says that I harm the baby and threaten to kill him. I am so overwhelmed. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, put in a blender, and shredded.

I got a lawyer and trying my best to get as many doctors and friends to write out that I took care of my baby without the help of his deadbeat dad. I don't know how the courts can sign my baby over to someone who lives with his parents-- who are all doped up. These people cannot care for a 13 month old child.

I thought they could not use my bipolar against me, if I take my medication. Can they take my baby? Any encouragement, advice, words of wisdom will be helpful.

Thank you

Shandy

The Unknown

Comments (12) | Add comment

bud

1/31/08 4:52pm

I didn't think that they could do this either! I am going to look into this...will be in touch. In the mean time...hang in there. I know you must be a wreck! TRY to keep a level head...you don't want to prove your EX right in these people's eyes.

Hopeful mom

1/31/08 5:33pm

Would a statement from your treating doctor telling them you are following orders and not a threat to the baby help?

I am just beside myself to think this could happen just because someone asked for help.

This is horrible.

Shandy

1/31/08 9:19pm

My doctor, family, and friends are all writing affidavits for me. I go to court Monday so pray for me please. My sister has put up so much money to ensure I have the best lawyer and can get my baby home safely.

Hopeful mom

2/ 1/08 5:00am

This is freaking crazy. I was raised by a bipolar father who was not under treatment and I was abused. It's insane to think someone can lose their children for getting help.

24hbipolar2

1/31/08 6:22pm

i lost custody of my neborn baby girl b/c of the same problem...BPD and pp depression. The judge gave custody of a 5 lb. baby girl into the hands of a 50 y/o man who had no experience with children, had none of his own, and who wasn't married. However, the bright side of this story is that i was able to use the time to get better and more stable, showing the courts that was able to care for myself and my baby. I still don't have custody after 3 years, but i find that is not so much a problem. The courts might give him custody but you will still see her...they can't keep you away. I know EXACTLY how you feel, the grief still overwhelms me at times, but I try to remember that time I used to get better and prove i could care for her.

tabby

1/31/08 8:01pm

My Dad scared me to no end one time when I was suicidally depressed. There was talk, by the professionals, of having me voluntarily commit myself once. My Dad came up to me and said "you know, they take children away from their crazy mothers don't you?".

I responded with the statement I had received from 2 therapists in that "they won't take her away because I am trying to get help. Now, if I wasn't trying to get help and I did something then they'd take her away but since I recognize I'm having trouble and decide to get medical help for it, they won't." That is what 2 naive little therapists told me. I knew different.

I know of a mom who left her local community mental health center to go to her family doctor for some blood tests to be performed. While there, she was asked about stressors and whatnot and she had some with 5 kids and little money. While there, the family doctor (with honest good intention) thought that perhaps she could get into some sort of program through the Social Services agency that could help her with the finances and stress. They came (DSS) to the family doctor's office and removed all 5 children and placed them in Foster Care that night.

The mom returned to the local community mental health center that she had left some hours earlier in complete and total hysterics and had to be taken to the hospital via rescue squad, fully sedated by the pdoc, because she was in complete and utter hysteria.

I'm so very very sorry that this has happened to you. I pray sincerely that your baby will be returned quickly and that those in authority will open their eyes and minds to see what is really going on here. A man, trying to get back at you, via your child.

The sad and unfortunate truth here is: if you had say, for example, Diabetes, realized that you were going into insulin shock or having some medical issue, and went in to the hospital - this more than likely would never have happened.

Eric

2/ 1/08 5:52am

Here is my take for what it’s worth. Can people with bipolarism take care of and raise children to adulthood? The answer would be yes as long as certain conditions are met. I somehow made it through even being a single parent with two kids and they turned out ok. So here are some of the conditions I think have to be in place.

You are consistently stable or have the other parent or a family member that can come in to the home that takes charge when you’re unable too.
You take responsibility for yourself and treatment long before you become suicidal and have to be hospitalized (this has long term effects on children when a parent threatens or attempts suicide).
You have a plan in place in case you do have to be hospitalized so that is it’s not a traumatic event on the kids. Honestly when I was hospitalized I wouldn’t allow the kids to visit because A. I didn’t want them to see me this way and B. I didn’t want them exposed to some of the craziness that takes place on the unit with other patients.

I can emphasize this enough of if you are unable to care for yourself and do what’s necessary to keep yourself well, how do you expect to be able to care for children? Being a parent is a life long job that carries a lot of responsibility. So my question is…is there someone else that can care for your 13 month old child until you can get yourself better?

If there is a family member that is willing to move into your home to help tend and care for your child for awhile…it will look better to the judge than looking at you alone in regards to the safety and welfare of the child. You will need to prove to the judge that you can physically and financially support your child.

Shandy

2/ 1/08 10:38pm

I will be moving in with my brother into a 2000 sqft home for free. My sister owns a large accounting firm so she has given me a job until I find one using one of my two degrees. My parents have offered a 7500 sqft house for me and my son so I can start my catering business I have always wanted; however for now I feel best staying with my brother. A house that big gets lonely and scary at times.

So I go to court on Monday, I pray to God that they see how much support I have. My EX's parents have a 1150 sqft house that 3 adults and one child will be sharing. His parents are on disability and take morphin and other narcotics; so their judgement is impaired. I feel like my family and I can offer him a better life financially and mentally.

I think you are right about the conditions you put forth. I never would allow my son to see me in the hospital, I would never want him to see me like that. I do have the family support to stop that from happening. When I was in NC with my EX I had no support and I fell hard, but I picked myself back up (with some help in the hospital) and am ready to start a new life for my son and I. I just hope the judge sees this.

Lidica

2/ 1/08 2:23pm

Shandy I just wanted to add my prayers that everything will work out and your baby will be home soon. I wonder why the judge did not think if they let DHS take children away from their mothers will this discourage people from going to get the help they need. I think you should propose that question to them when you talk to them again. I too hope while you are getting this sorted out you can find a family member to keep your son. At least this way you will have a support system to help you when times are bad. I agree that how you are able to manage through this with a level head will be more proof than all the letters that can be written. Hang in there and God bless you and keep you strong.

tls

2/ 2/08 11:24am

Like Eric I was able to raise my daughter to semi-adulthood (she's a freshman in college). I had family and friends around me and my mom was always willing to keep her overnight if I was having a bad day. I won't go into all the details but I did a lot that disrupted her life but she's okay and we talk about everything.

My advice - ask the court to appoint a child guardian to determine what is in the best interest of the child.

Keep working on getting healthy and do everything the judge and your pdoc says.

Kelly Smith

2/ 7/08 12:07pm

Dear Shandy,

Hang in there! Continue to take care of yourself and don't give up. Please listen to your doctor and take meds as prescribed, find a support group in your home town and know that God is with you...always. I have three daughters and was not diagnosed until my youngest child was a toddler. My life has been like a roller coaster at times, but it has been worth it. It has been several years now and life is better than I could have imagined. Life is good. Today, I have a good relationship with my children, employable and in college. Currently, I am going through legal issues with my ex about my youngest daughter. we are struggling with what is in her best interest-too many details to mention. There is hope. If you have any questions or comments please email me at kellysmith94sober@gmail.com

Laura

11/ 3/08 1:49pm

Shandy, I'm so sorry for your heart ache. Hang in there and do everything that you need to. Go to therapy for yourself and family therapy would be good too. Let the judge know and everyone else what a good mother you are. If you don't go to church, start. Pray and encourage your family to support you. Your child needs you. Good luck!

God help me please

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