So most of you know what has been going to with me to an extent.

I ended up in the hospital for a week due to my son's father's abusive behavior. When I got out I took my son and ran. Big Chad then went to the judge in his small town and told them that I was mentally unstable and that I could not care for my child. The police then came and took him away from me and gave him to his father.

I went to court, but I knew that they would make me stay in NC. I could not stay in NC I need to be around family, around people that make me stronger. I read the NC custody laws and they stated that they do not remove children from their home state.

So Big Chad decided to move to AR and have joint custody with me here. He wants to win me back and have his family back. But can people change? He thinks by moving I owe him or something. That he left all his friends and family to come to AR so I should forgive him.

Right now I am without a job or car. I came here with nothing. But I know that this is the place I want to raise my son. I want him to be around cousins and family. Even though my sister isn't supportive because I allowed this monster to move to AR. I just didn't know what else to do. I couldn't start all over without my family's support in NC and now she has dropped me. I am left to rely on Big Chad for money until I get a job. I rely on him for a car. Except when my little brother isn't working he lets me use his to go to job interviews and such.

But my big question is do you think people can change. Big Chad is a charmer and he is laying it on thick, but I am hestiant-- I cannot live through what I have been through the last two years. I just don't know if he can change I can tell he is trying, but I still see that scary guy in there. I don't feel like I can talk to him honnestly because it always turns into an argument and of course it is all my fault.

He is the father of my son and I would never want my son to not have his father in his life and I know that if I did not have a child I would have left him long ago. He can be a good father. I know he would never hurt our child, but I wish I could say the same about myself. I have to at least keep him in AR for six months so that this will be little chad's home state and he can't be taken back to NC. Any advice?

I am scared, confused, and I don't know what to do. I feel trapped without a car, so I watch our son at his father's house during the day while he is at work, until I can find a job then I need to look into daycare (which is a whole other scary thing).

I only can get online at my little brother's apt for now