
The mad chemist in my head did me no favors over the winter. The delightfully morbid cocktail of SAD and Bipolar had me inches from the bottom. Its amazing how something as simple as a change in season plunged me from a time in life that was so very good... to seeing it as a daily battle to survive. The frightening thing is that NOTHING outside my brain's perception changed. It erroded my immune system and I stayed ill.
I could feel the crisis coming I selected a therapist and eventually a psy dr that I could cope with. I struggled trying to do anything (EVERTHING) to get over it and NOT have to medicate. It wasn't getting better. Finally, there was nothing else to try except going down this road again.
The good news is that we are having some success with Depakote ER (mood stabilizer) and ativan for crisis irritability. Its still rough right now but many of my days are clearer.
I want to live again and that's a good thing. I am now making plans rather than just struggling through the day. That can't be all bad... Right?


I swear to God that your story could be MY story word for word. I too was affected by SAD on top of my bipolar disorder this year. About 3 weeks ago I plunged head first into the black hole of depression w/o anything really having changed much in my world. I felt it coming this time - each day was a little worse. I had a little less tolorance and more irritability. Over taken by rapid cycling thoughts, it was as if my mind had a mind of it's own. My pdoc added Abilify to my Lamictal but I developed terrible / horrible panic attacks so after only a week on ability she took me off and I've just been taking the lamictal. I'm OK .... I mean I struggle every frakin day with the BP but this time even tho I had "thoughts" of suicide, I did not act upon them and that's a good thing .... it's a little bit of control, right?? It's tough isn't it just getting through one day not to mention a seasonal change?? I never thought I'd be so susceptable to simple things that other "balanced brain" people take for granted. Well, if it's any comfort at all to ya, I know what you've been through and how you feel. Hang in there. Take advantage of your good days and just try best that you can to get thought the bad ones. keep posting to let us know how you're doing.
I'll try to post more often, I am told its therapy in itself ;) You do the same... that way if a few of us do that enough we can make our own little self help online group ;)
Take care and hope to hear that you are ok too!