Sunday, February 03, 2008
well, i haven't been on this site for awhile. i have been having "issues" as i like to call them. you see, i have a real problem at times with sleep. in the weeks before last sunday, i had only slept about 20 hour total. that is in three weeks time. i haven't had to deal with that problem in many months and didn't want to admit that it was again a problem, so i ignored it, giving everyone an excuse why i was so energetic and talkative(mania). last sunday it all came to a head. i started having hallucinations and called the police to make the "men" go away. of course, when they got here there were no men. i was very upset and insistent. the last thing i remember, for 9 hours, is the officer telling me to put the knife down and her taking out her tazer. i don't think she used it. the next thing i know it is 9 hours later and i am in the eps, emergancy phyciatric er. i was in restraints and very sore all over. the nurses were very nice. they explained that i was very combative and that i got out of restraints three times and that they had no choice but to use force. it is really scary, not being able to remember. this is the first "lost time" i've had in about a year. they said they gave me a shot and i slept for all those hours, in restraints. as i was leaving, the security guard said that they were as gentle as they could be. you see, they have known me for many years and know that i really don't mean to cause any problems. i have been having a better week this week, sleeping everynight. i started on neurontin on monday as a regular med for now. i just wanted to get this off my chest. when i try to tell anyone about how this makes me feel, they basically tell me to just get over it. i know i can't use denial anymore. if i would have went to the dr earlier, than i would probably got the help i needed, before it got to that point, but i didn't want to go in the hospital because i would have to miss school. next time i hope that i will not worry about that as much. well guess that is about all, and thanks for this site, it is really helpful
my goodness, my heart goes out to you. For your sake and your health
i pray you go to the doctor and get on a regimen of proper meds that can bring you recovery. I know you "can not just get over this!" I go days without good sleep, but luckily have seroquel to fall back on. sometimes even with the low dosage of seroquel i have i don't sleep at night and it becomes exhausting wondering why this is the live chosen for me. I despise this illness and try to keep my chin up but it is so hard. I feel stupid to feel bad about my case after reading yours. So I hope you get well soon and I just wanted to say take care of yourself. People do care and people like me do understand what you are going through.