my therapist is making me angry

By genel Saturday, March 29, 2008

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i have been in therapy for five months, up untill about a month ago i really liked my therapist and i thought it was helping up untill about two months ago when i started to go back into deep depression and then i started were i couldent sleep and stated feeling very agitated and angery and inpulsive and couldnt stop thinking of this person i at the time wanted to kill. so anyways about three weeks ago i was in a session and i was talking and then i went into a topic about the person i wanted to kill felt as though i wanted to, then i got really tried and didnt want to deal with right then and she has never done this before but she said if i didnt talk about it then, i didnt really want help and she didnt know why i was there and i could control my feelings and actions. okay like i have gone into a lot of stuff with her and before she always said i was doing good nad was friendly with me but this time she said she was fustrated with me because she wanted to help me and i wasnt letting her and so on. so this is when i was going though my angery and very adgitated stage and so i left the session and later called her left a message that i wouldnt be coming backa nd i felt very good and she didnt care and i was going to kill this person i was ****** at and couldent stop thinking of. i was in a very bad state of mind at the time i left this message. thankfuuly she didnt get this message for over a week cause she went on vacation. so today i went into my session and she asked if i was just trying to get a reaction out of her, (back up i had allready talk to her superviser and my doc before this because of are session and me having the thoughts to kill thats why she didnt call the cops) or if i was really did have intentions on doing it and i told her at the time yes. she didnt sound how she use to before when i liked her. she told me that she intentionaly pushed me at that last session to try and help me. she said that all therapist are supose to do this. i told her fromt he begining that i had a therapist that did this and i couldnt take it. now i dont mind them teling me somthing i dont want to hear, but back off when i ask, we can or could come back to it. today she tried almost the same thing as are last session. i said, "i dont want to really want to talk about this (thing) cause i am scared to" i always state i dont want to talk about somthing, even though i useully do, it just makes it easier for me to talk about if i state this first.

i did that today witch i always do when i feel like the topic is something that may help me to talk about, but i am scared to talk about it. she said that if i didnt want to talk about it she couldent help me and she proceeded to go on, but i quickly, out of fear i just told her cause i didnt want her to make me angry again, are therapist really suppose to say stuff to make push you even though you are trying your best? anyone have any knowlege as to why the change in her is this like some sort of thing that therapist do? like the last few session it been making me feel worse and she says thats means this is helping but i dont feel like it is i mean i feel so much more hopeless and sad how is this progress? i feel like mabey i am having to many issues with my therapist and i really feel like i dont need anymore issues with someone i am tring to get help from. mabey it is just me though. can some one give me some honest feedback pease!

i just got out of the hospital

Comments (5) | Add comment

Eric

3/29/08 4:44am

Sounds like you have a good therapist and she has you pegged. Your therapist is supposed to get to the important aspect and that will cause a response or feelings within us. Why she did not call the cops on you…because she knows you are a borderline personality (you do have control over your thoughts and actions) pushing the limits to get a reaction from her…are you also a cutter?

It took you years to get to this point and it is going to take more than a couple of sessions to change your way of thinking from constant drama to a more normal way of life. Try a new approach with the idea she just might know how to help you and try doing as she says and being honest with yourself.

genel

3/29/08 5:27am

thank you for your honest answer. however she does not think i have bp and she didnt call the cops because because she didnt get the message for a week and a half. and the thoughts i was having i had no control over they just poped into my head with out warning and i did not act on it cause i didnt want to do anything dumb thats why i talked about it with her but i got really tied like i stated. i didnt want to just get a reaction from her what i said to her is how i really felt at the time and i was not attention seaking and there are a lot of people diagnosed with diffrent disorders that cutt.

tabby

3/29/08 9:39am

It was hard to read your post and I had to do so a few times. This isn't you necessarily cause my mind is foggy and disjointed at the moment.

You had what you say is uncontrollable thoughts of killing someone else (homicidal ideation) and you mentioned this to your therapist of 5 months. The therapist wanted to delve deeper into this but you suddenly felt uncomfortable and afraid and didn't want to in turn work on the issue. You left angry after a session cause the therapist didn't respond as you had expected her to and you left her a message on her machine which she didn't get until a week later (rejecting before rejection).

During that week, as I read, you spoke with both her supervisor (why?) and your pdoc about that particular session because you were angry over the response you received from her when you mentioned homicidal ideation but then didn't feel good about discussing it further and told her you didn't want to go there. You perceived the therapist as being confrontational and not following your wishes to leave it be - but, you brought it up in the beginning.

When the therapist returned after her vacation and received your message, as well as probably had a discussion with her supervisor and your pdoc, she questioned you as to whether you did it to get a rise out of her? This made you angry again because it implied you did it intentionally to see what her reaction would be and you didn't like the response.

She tried again to slowly prod you into working through the issue you brought up in the first place but you again didn't feel comfortable with discussing it and wanted it left alone. However, you felt pressured then and did so but only cause you were scared.

Now you wonder why the therapist went from calm, nurturing, let's let you drive the sessions to then turn and attempt to take control of the session and steer you in a direction you started the two of you in but you don't actually want to go there to see if help could be given.

The therapist is doing her job. You stated homicidal ideation and she wanted you to confront this and work through the meaning, emotions, and impulsivity of anger so that you could come to some obtainment of a coping skill to use the next time this happened. Meanwhile, she attempted by going through this to help you get through this so that it would pass. You, on the other hand, feel uncomfortable once it got turned on to you and you don't want to deal with it and yet you say it is uncontrollable thought wise though you can control it behavior wise.

Oh and cutting, while involved in several disorders, isn't involved in Bipolar in and of itself. Self-harm and self-multilation thus, self-injury for the purpose of relieving one's pent up agitation, irritation, anger, and what not is a sign/symptom of a personality disorder. Personality disorders do run in tango with Bipolar in a lot of folks. The "drama" life and always wanting to stir things up because drama causes reactions - is also a sign/symptom.

There is help out there. I know - I'm actually getting through a rough black spell myself right now. You just have to work with the folks that want to work with you to get you through it and on to something perhaps better down the road. If after a few more sessions, you still feel like ya do - you can always ask for another therapist or search one out somewhere else.

There are different therapy techniques and different therapists. You should feel comfortable with discussing things with the therapist otherwise, what's the point? Yet, to get angry with the therapist who is trying to assist you because you don't want to discuss something you brought to the table...

Shannon

3/29/08 2:42pm

I'm not claiming to have a good understanding of psychotherapy, but it also seems to me like you have a very good therapist. It's so difficult to find a therapist that you can really trust and connect with. You seem like you really had that relationship with her before these events.

The hardest part of psychotherapy is after the first few months when you can finally start to get into the issues that just suck to talk about. I've been recently going though a very similar experience with my therapist, so I can really relate to how you’re feeling.

I hope that you can regain the trust and positive relationship that you had developed with her. If not, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and find someone new. You must remember that the most important part of therapy is finding that relationship, and sometimes it takes a few shots. I really wish you the best of luck in all of this!

Jazz

10/20/10 3:43am

when ever i mention the word kill or stabb or death or talk about rageing murderous angry outburst my therapist freaks out.the health system freaks out. they treat u like a criminal adn they are meant to be the trained calm non judmental ones.Rather than see this as part of the symptoms in context. when they make mistakes they take no responsibility and add to stigma.They have no idea why we would want to pay them back or ruin their lives.they are shocked at our level of hatred.they are used to the easy simple clients. they shouold pay for the lives they ad ruin to and noite they are jsut as unhinged as us.

my therapist is making me angry

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