Recently diagnosed and new to this site - wanted to introduce myself.

By ChsgGnosis Friday, January 15, 2010

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I stumbled into this site yesterday through my usual web-wide research on bipolar disorder and found some very helpful posts. The support here seems to be genuine and the introductory materials were great. Thank you.

I was officially diagnosed two years ago (bipolar II) after a major depressive episode, but seem to be just now coming to terms with how much it has affected and will continue to affect my life. My ADHD diagnosis was 13 years ago (while an undergraduate) and just when I thought I had that mostly smoothed out, it appears there is another mental health mountain to climb.

Throughout my life I estimate that I've had at least three or four major depressive episodes, with a good handful of hypomanic periods sprinkled throughout (always much shorter than the depressions). I'm now on Wellbutrin (buproprion actually) and it has worked well to shave off the majority of major depressive symptoms. I consider myself stable and have gotten through the last two winters without another major depressive episode (S.A.D. appears to be a trigger).

That said, I have not been my fully "healthy" self. The Wellbutrin keeps me from being full blown depressed (which is truly fantastic), but not from being hypo-depressed. While hypo-depressed I am functional and can exist as a more or less standard human being, but I have so much more potential than that. My "spark" isn't there and my goal is to get it back.

I tell my doctor that it would be great to get a sustained hypomanic period, because that's when it seems that life is just grand and I can easily perform at or near my full potential. He tells me that wouldn't be good due to the potential for it to escalate to mania, and that I should aim for "healthy" not hypomanic. I'm not sure I even know what "healthy" is anymore, but am determined to find out.

Comments (4) | Add comment

animal princess

1/15/10 10:41pm

Hi, I'm Kristi. I have Bipolar II and PTSD. I am glad you have joined our group. You are right. This is a very informative and safe place I might add. I am thankful for this site!! This one I feel is by far the best. I agree and wish that there were meds to keep our happy mania state without of course with ALL the symptoms. Like the lack of sleep,and overtalkative periods. I don't mind them hahaha, but others at times do not I am on Zoloft and it makes me hyper, and I constantly feel like I have to be moving some part of my body. Kinda a lame side effect, but I have been "happy" to a point. Better than without. Some days, I do feel like the meds do change me. I feel some days I am not myself on them. Like they stop me from being creative as I could be. Maybe that's my disease, or maybe it's true, I guess I will never know. Anyways, welcome!!!

tabby

1/17/10 7:14am

Your med is doing what it is designed to do... stave off major depressive symptoms that render you incapacitated

so this, in itself, is a good thing... it means it is likely working if you recognize a improvement in your mood and stability of keeping it

I hear you though - mentioning that while the med is doing what it is fully designed to do which is awesome

it is leaving you just a tad bit under the goal line you'd want to be at to feel "healthy" and to be active and to function as fully as you'd like... you are experiencing still some decompensation issues maybe

doc is correct in that there is a fine balance line between depression and mania... it's the hypomania... and hypomania can swing into full mania in a eye blink if you aren't watching it every moment

many of the anti-depressants, for many with Bipolar, will trip one into full on mania

so the doc is good to be cautious and perhaps hesistant at this point

yet... if you'd like to know what the doc's "perception" is of healthy for one with Bipolar... because perhaps it is not your perception being the one with Bipolar... would it hurt to directly ask doc what he/she considers "healthy"?

Lori

1/17/10 2:49pm

I am glad that you have found this site also. I come across it at the end of
December when I was diagnosed with hypomania. I was searching for information on it and come across this site. I really enjoy talking to everyone. It is nice to know that you have people who completely understand what you are feeling and going through. I was diagnosed with bi polar and major depression about six years ago. I have came a long way since then. Lots of psychiatrist appointments, therapy, and medicine. I am doing pretty well now. I have learned to take control of my bi polar and depression. Not to say I don't have the ups and downs that go with our illness. I can just manage them better. If you read my shareposts lately you can see I have had alot of downs lately, but I am getting better everyday. (with Gods help!) Whatever high power you have that can help you is great. God is my higher power!

It is nice to be able to just vent or ask a question and know that maybe someone can give you some help. I hope that you are doing well as we speak. Take care of yourself. Lori

lawyer100

1/27/10 3:35pm

I really know how you feel. I'm on a host of meds and they have helped a whole lot, but I still don't feel fully "normal" or happy. I look at other people when I'm out that look so normal and happy and having fun and I ask why can't I be like that, why can't I just be happy. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, depression and PTSD, and I am recovering from addiction to pain pills-I'm only about a year clean though. My doc just started me on Xanax and Adderall, just for a short period of course b/c of everything going on in my life-believe me, I needed them just to be able to function everyday. I'm also beginning to wonder if I have ADHD-I have all the symptoms of it, plus the Adderall he gave me for energy really doesn't do anything for my energy. It does however make me more focused and I can sit still and do work longer and better now, and there are times I even get tired after taking it-I'm like what's the deal? Anyway, you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. I agree that you want to aim for "healthy", but I'm with you-what the hell is "healthy"? Are you on anything else besides Wellbutrin? It may take adding other meds, especially since you have ADHD, or upping your dose, or getting a therapist to talk with if you haven't tried that yet. I am on Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Seroquel, Xanax and Adderall right now. I have also tried Zyprexa, which was a really great drug for me. I just thought I would reply to your post to let you know that someone else knows what you mean and how you feel. I haven't found the magic answer on how to feel good all the time, to get back to the person I used to be a long time ago. I feel like I'm just "existing" at this point, that I want something more out of life and to have my old spark back too. I wish you luck...and take care.

Recently diagnosed and new to this site - wanted to introduce myself.

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