last weekend

last weekend was when i really realized i was getting out of control again. i cant deal with my life and the decisions im making. i went and gambled away the largest paycheck ive ever gotten. and literally i needed that money because my bf and i are 3 months late on rent. he has hardly sponken to me since. he stayed out one night this week until 7am , and last night until 6am. i dont think that is fair, under any circumstances. but especially when you see the person you are supposed to love is basically going so far downhill, so fast, and then you just leave her alone to be sad and miserable ALONE. hes supposed to be by my side right now and constantly chooses his loser friends over me. it hurts so bad. in 4 years he has apoligized to me maybe 2 or 3 times, thats it, so im not expecting an apology, but he wont talk to or look at me right now, and its like im not the one who just stayed out all night and leftyou in one of your worst states alone.