I am my own worest enemy, I punish myself, destroy myself and make sure that I feel as much pain and hurt as I hink that I deserve or don't derserve for the illness I have and the losses that or hardships that I have caused myself or ohers. I hate myself for being bipolar hate that I can't get control or a grip and I hate that I can't be loved and I push everyone who loves me away and I always test there love and I hate that I hate myself so much and I hate that I am here today and I hate that I have a responsiablility to my son and I just want to giove up and I can't and I am hurt and I know that this is selfish and stuiped and wrong but I can't stop it right now I am hurt in and I just want it to stop so bad I just want it to please stop!
I don't want to drink and so I am not so this is how I feel and so it's feel ot drink.
All I am doing is being honest.
Just needed to get that out