What Stage Am I In?

I am having difficulties going to sleep.  Yet, considering my past, I'm doing okay.  I don't want to go too high or dip too low. I am either happy as a clam, or having low self esteem.  I have panic attacks where it's difficult to speak.  At its worst, I am completely delusional that everyone is out to get me.  Which is totally ridiculous, but never the less, when it gets to that point, I can't control it.  As I said, I'm doing relatively well.  Last Wendsday, I was so scared to start a volunteer job, that I almost called it quits.  I didn't.  It's hard, but I think we all trying to do better.  One day, we will be glad we got through such a harrowing ordeal.