Thank you for comments on Cluster Schmuck and more of an explanation

Hey Nutter,

You seem like a highly intelligent person (most of us with the illness are)that has the capacity to make informed decisions. So here goes for what its worth. I don't think you were manic when you decided to sleep around on your husband as you had the ability to make an informed decision right or wrong on what you wanted to do.

Like you said...you were lonely and wanted someone to listen to your babble, the only problem with that was the person that claimed to be that person, was only looking to get one thing and you gave it to him. I would assume that you must have given yourself some reason to follow through.

Marriage is based on trust....if you violate that trust between each other, what do you really have? I can totally understand your husbands point of the lack of the there of and to the point of treating you like a child. Your not acting like an adult, so why be treated that way?

Another no-no is to create issues between spouses and their families. He did the right thing of choosing you over his family because you and your daughter are his immediate family...but that could have all been avoided and you cared that little about him to place him there in the first place to make that decision.

Personally I feel its less of a bipolar issues and more of being lonely and wanting attention, good or bad. Maybe the best thing to do is get your own apartment and live alone, I really don't know and only you can make that decision. For your daughters sake its to bad you guys can't get counseling to see if you can work through it, but from a guys prospective...I would find it hard to ever trust you again.

You mentioned that you are cycling every week...I think its more that its a cause and effect thats really taking place verses cycling. I would be willing to say that your low points are when your thinking about the damage you have created and the highs are when you say to heck with it...I am going to do as I please.

Just my take....Good luck either way

manipulation

self-centeredness

attention seeking

Your husband needs to forgive you, bottom line. You overstepped the boundaries of your relationship, and to be honest, being manic/lonely/etc may have affected your decision making ability, but you still made the choice. To him, that is what is important, not excuses or reasons.

Not all BP people are unfaithful to their life partners - the fact you were speaks more about your character and values than your medical condition. So if you want to save your relationship with your partner, that is where you need to do your work. You need to not only manage your condition [big ups to you by the way, for seeking treatment!! Yay you!! :) ], but do some serious soul searching about what is important to you, and what you are prepared to do for your relationship.

Your husband doesn't trust you, and your actions in the past have given him little reason to. If you want to move forward with him, you need to act in a way that promotes building trust again, and that will take more than a few weeks.

He needs to see you are genuine in your apologies. "I'm sorry I hurt you", not "I'm sorry, BUT..." Right now, while he's hurting, he really doesn't care about reasons, excuses, or minimising what you did. He wants to feel heard. He needs to know in his soul that you 'get it'. That you understand how hurt and betrayed he feels, and that his feelings and needs are important to you. That's why you're being 'interrogated' - he doesn't feel you 'get it'.

Yes, mania/etc changes perspective. You can find yourself thinking strange thoughts and behaving irrationally, and it made sense at the time.. honest! But in the end, you are responsible for every action you do in the world, whether manic or not. And you are responsible for cleaning up the mess you make. I hope for your sake your partner is able to forgive you, if you really are stepping up and getting your life together...