relationships

dealing with an angry husband

riverbluff Community Member September 05, 2007
  • Has anyone experienced a relationship with a loved one who, for no reason becomes very angry and is unable to communicate with.  They swear, and say mean hurtful things.  You try to calm them, by either holding them, and reassuring them, and they panic and get worse, and even violent with you physically.  I constantly hear.....quit pushing my button.  This individual seems like two different people....and the least little thing will set him off at any given time.  We were recently on a trip, and he took off from a restaurant mad.  I was searching for him for 1 hour.  I finally found him, and tried to get him to get back into the car, so we could go back to the hotel....and he ignored me and continued to walk away.....I got out of the car and went to get him and calm him down, and he went balistic, hitting me and twisting my arm, and swearing at me.  Some people witnessed this and called the police to get him to stop his angry ways.  I was very upset to think that this happened.  We will be seeking counseling, for I will not stand for violence.  The next day he felt very bad about what happened. He does not understand why he gets this way.  He is two different people.   Anyone out there been through this?  Thanks for the input.

65 Comments
  • Caribbean breeze
    Jun. 26, 2014

    I have been married for 16 yrs and my husband is the same way. It is a living hell most of the days. My husband suffers from Chronic mood swings and his behavior is completely unpredictable from one minute to the next. He turns into a scary and violent Gorilla in seconds. We have 2 children and it is very hard on the 3 of us. Sometimes my heart is in such pain...

    RHMLucky777

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    I have been married for 16 yrs and my husband is the same way. It is a living hell most of the days. My husband suffers from Chronic mood swings and his behavior is completely unpredictable from one minute to the next. He turns into a scary and violent Gorilla in seconds. We have 2 children and it is very hard on the 3 of us. Sometimes my heart is in such pain that I don't know how much longer we can take this. I am tired of listening to him say that he is sorry and that it is due to his post viral encephalitis brain trauma. Sometimes I can't forgive myself for getting into this marriage but after all, my 2 children are what keep me going. To all of you dealing with Bipolar or angry spouses know that you are not alone but we are many unfortunately.

  • dmann
    Jun. 24, 2014

    I was doing a search on dealing with an angry husband and found you all. My husband doesn't get angry with me or at me (of course he has in the past, but nothing out of the ordinary arguments couples have) but he gets angry at everyone and everything else. Little things that normal people mat get irritated or annoyed with but he flies off the handle.  For...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I was doing a search on dealing with an angry husband and found you all. My husband doesn't get angry with me or at me (of course he has in the past, but nothing out of the ordinary arguments couples have) but he gets angry at everyone and everything else. Little things that normal people mat get irritated or annoyed with but he flies off the handle.  For instance, our garbage disposal had stopped working and the sink was backed up. Well, he had to try to fix it and also clean out the sink, which was not pretty, altho i did offer to do it. But instead of mumbling a few choice words that most normal people would do he slams things and yells and yells.. He does this all the time if something does not go his way. He actually sometimes sets himself up for things to go wrong. He will do the same things over and over that he knows has ticked him off previously.  When he is outside doing things in garage or yard and i am in house (even with central air on) i can hear him slammimg things, kicking things, yelling and swearing. He doesn't think before he reacts and ends up damaging something in the meantime, like a wall when he throws something..i cannot tell you how many cell phines he has broke because he has thrown them..all because he thries these little temper tantrums. I have talked to him abiut this and explained how it makes me feel and that it is not healthy for him or me and he needs to find someway to deal with his anger and find something that he can do to help relieve some of his aggression. He always apologizes but i told him that i may appreciate his apology and accept them, that it hurts me abd scares me when he acts that way. I dont know what else to do!! I try ignoring his outbursts but it still makes me upset and even sad and then i tend to withdrawl from him. I have tried duscussing it with him, which has worked in the padt but never sticks. I have tried getting mad at him..i am at a loss. ..

  • Taloola
    May. 18, 2014
    After reading these comments they sound so much like my life. I've been married to my husband for 11 years and seem to be drawn to abusive relationships. Anyway, we never know what to say because he may fly off the handle at any moment. He has no friends, and when I've tried to make friends he's teased me and pushed people away, so I don't bother. He's made...
    RHMLucky777
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    After reading these comments they sound so much like my life. I've been married to my husband for 11 years and seem to be drawn to abusive relationships. Anyway, we never know what to say because he may fly off the handle at any moment. He has no friends, and when I've tried to make friends he's teased me and pushed people away, so I don't bother. He's made it so my family members don't want to come around. His own adult sons don't visit him. He is a recovering alcoholic and hasn't had a drink in two years, but right now I can see he is craving the booze, because his mental abuse is worse than ever. I travelled 4,000 miles to remove the childen and myself from an abusive man several years (physically and mental) ago and never thought in a million years this would happen to me. I thought I would see the signs and be strong and get away. But it snuck up, and then finances, and being alone because my family has been pushed to the side. And the promises that he will stop and be nicer. And then the "circle" starts over. I can go on and on and complain all I want. But I know he will only get help if he wants it. And at one point he did, he went on meds~ it was short lived. He doesn't want to get better. He thrives on other peoples misery. His mother had the same traits. The only thing I know I can do is pack up and leave the man. I have two teenagers, a grown daughter that just moved back and a thirteen month grand daughter. There is so much in the mix, however, if there's a will there has to be a way. I did it before from 4,000 miles. Just finding the strength has been so difficult. I don't know why
  • Anonymous
    LINDA
    May. 13, 2014

    When I contacted Dr Lawrence I was desperate, the man I loved, my best friend of over 25 years and father of my 3 children had sparked a flame with an old girlfriend and came home from a trip wanting a divorce. My world crashed and I saw everything I loved walking out the door with him.contacting Dr Lawrence was a hope and a prayer and to be honest I didn’t...

    RHMLucky777

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    When I contacted Dr Lawrence I was desperate, the man I loved, my best friend of over 25 years and father of my 3 children had sparked a flame with an old girlfriend and came home from a trip wanting a divorce. My world crashed and I saw everything I loved walking out the door with him.contacting Dr Lawrence was a hope and a prayer and to be honest I didn’t think it would work but I felt I had to try something.Thank goodness I did! It not only changed his decision, but it changed me. I am confident, stronger than ever and have benefited from realizing what was missing in my life, my marriage and our kids lives. Change was and is hard, and not every idea came with a positive outcome, but the totality of the ideas did give me the outcome I wanted and deserved. drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com is truly a blessing from GOD to save my marriage

  • Anonymous
    aas
    Apr. 02, 2014

    I remarried and have been with him for a year now. I have been struggling with my husbands bad temper, anger problem, and the sad part is that I cant help him enough cause hes not the type that likes to talk about problems. Sometimes wakes up in the morning and is in a bad mood for no reason . He takes it out on me and people that surround him. All he will...

    RHMLucky777

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    I remarried and have been with him for a year now. I have been struggling with my husbands bad temper, anger problem, and the sad part is that I cant help him enough cause hes not the type that likes to talk about problems. Sometimes wakes up in the morning and is in a bad mood for no reason . He takes it out on me and people that surround him. All he will say " im in a bad mood don't want to talk just leave me alone" And that realy hurts my feelings . This is getting old and very fustrating for me it seems like everthing goes the oposite direction . He also says that he zones out and does'nt care for anyone when hes like that. He has also said he don't want to be with me anymore and he just rather be by himself cause hes never going to change, and im better off without him . Once hes over his tantrum he says he loves me to death and he don't want to loose me. So what should I belive ? It scares me and confused cause there is no telling what mood he will be in tommrow , orin a couple of minutes .In need of some advice . Not sure if there is anyone out there with a similar problem...

  • Anonymous
    at my wits end ...
    Mar. 29, 2014

    This post has been really insightful and the resulting comments have been very helpful. In reading the comments, I no longer feel alone. I have been married to my husband for 5 years. Before that we were together for over 10 years. My husband is intelligent, quirky, compassionate and sensitive. However whenever he is stressed, he becomes very angry and verbally...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    This post has been really insightful and the resulting comments have been very helpful. In reading the comments, I no longer feel alone. I have been married to my husband for 5 years. Before that we were together for over 10 years. My husband is intelligent, quirky, compassionate and sensitive. However whenever he is stressed, he becomes very angry and verbally combative. He also becomes this way when someone doesn't agree with his views. His anger surpasses normal advocacy and makes everyone uncomfortable because he becomes offensive. I recently had surgery and have limited mobility. He has been helpful to  an extent, but all his help has been on his time.  The v other day I asked him to get me some water and he went off on me, accusing me of speaking to him disrespectfully.  I had my kindle in my hand and he wanted me to turn it v of immediately do we could talk. Before I could turn it off, he threatens to throw it out of the window.  I don't know what to do. 

    • Crystal
      Mar. 29, 2014
      This sounds like a whole lot more than stress. Yes, he may be stressed and needs to learn how to deal with his stress in a healthy way. He sounds like he has major anger issues. They do have anger management classes as well as therapy to help him. It also sounds like he has control issues and is verbally abusive. I would strongly advise that he get some therapy....
      RHMLucky777
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      This sounds like a whole lot more than stress. Yes, he may be stressed and needs to learn how to deal with his stress in a healthy way. He sounds like he has major anger issues. They do have anger management classes as well as therapy to help him. It also sounds like he has control issues and is verbally abusive. I would strongly advise that he get some therapy. These issues won't disappear by themselves. I'm sure you don't want to contine living this way. Therapy would also help you not only to vent and talk about your feelings but to help repair the damage that he has done to you emotionally. If he refuses help than get help for yourself and make a decision as to whether you want and can, contine living this kind of life. You deserve better.
  • isolated female
    Mar. 16, 2014

    Hello

    My husband of 12 years is similar. I guess I thought he was unique and I was alone having a husband with iinfantile behavior. Hev has lived(!) away from our bedroom locking himself in a room downstairs for over 11years literally keepinghimself locked away from me. His reasoning is he has always done this. He starts the day screaming and shouting about...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hello

    My husband of 12 years is similar. I guess I thought he was unique and I was alone having a husband with iinfantile behavior. Hev has lived(!) away from our bedroom locking himself in a room downstairs for over 11years literally keepinghimself locked away from me. His reasoning is he has always done this. He starts the day screaming and shouting about any little thing he assumes has been done to belittle offend him or anything he feels is disrespectful to him. He imagines these things and is often wrong 99% of the time the other percent is usually done deliberately by myself or others in the household as he is so aggressive mean controlling temperamenta

  • Crystal
    Feb. 22, 2014
    I feel so bad for you and your kids. From what you have said, you have been a wonderful husband, every women's dream. Your wife is totally out of control and I fear not only for your kids mental stability and physically but for you too. Your wife needs some serious help. She should be seen by a pscychiatrist, meds, therapy and anger management classes. Just...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    I feel so bad for you and your kids. From what you have said, you have been a wonderful husband, every women's dream. Your wife is totally out of control and I fear not only for your kids mental stability and physically but for you too. Your wife needs some serious help. She should be seen by a pscychiatrist, meds, therapy and anger management classes. Just so you know, mental abuse can be just as detrimental if not more than physical abuse. Those kids should not be around her until she gets better and makes some changes here. There are no excuses to subject these children nor yourself to her behavior. I commend you for going to therapy and for being strong for your kids. Frankly, I'm surprised your therapist has not intervened in this situation. Your a good man and you deserve so much better. If she refuses help, you need to run as fast as you can. Think about your children! Think about yourself! You and you children are in my thoughts. Fondly, Crystal
  • Anonymous
    WhyWontItPost
    Feb. 22, 2014

    All the stories here are from wives, since this is the thread about 'Angry Husbands'.  Here's a story from a husband, proving that it's not only men who act this way.

     

    My wife and I met in high school and have been married for many years.  As a teenager I discovered that sometimes, on a date or just hanging out, she'd get super angry and leave,...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    All the stories here are from wives, since this is the thread about 'Angry Husbands'.  Here's a story from a husband, proving that it's not only men who act this way.

     

    My wife and I met in high school and have been married for many years.  As a teenager I discovered that sometimes, on a date or just hanging out, she'd get super angry and leave, or walk home, or do some other inexplicable angry thing.  I know now that that was a red flag.

     

    Later, I realized that our relationship was very unequal.  She found it perfectly reasonable to nit-pick every little thing (I could never do enough to help around the house, and any task I did was too late, too little, or wrong), to comment under her breath about all my failings, to berate the kids.  However, if I (or the kids) answered back or dared to act in a similar manner it was instant world war 3.  I found that I was effectively not allowed to have my own opinion on anything, especially if it was counter to hers.  Once angered, she could not or would not calm down for 2-3 days.  Red flag.

     

    For years I felt I'd done something wrong, and when she was angry I'd try to placate her in some way since it was my fault she was angry. 

     

    She worked, and consistently got exellent reviews for the quality and quantity of her work, and horrible reviews for her ability to work with others and manage her temper.  Red flag.

     

    She decided she'd rather stay home with our young children, so that she could be there for them at school and afterward so that they didn't have to be in expensive day care.  I wholeheartedly agreed and she left her job, even though at that time she made more money than me.  It was a struggle, but it was worth it for my family.

     

    I changed jobs and had to work a lot harder, longer hours to make ends meet.  She became distant, and angry with me for not being home to help with the kids and around the house.  Eventually I found that she was having an affair.

     

    I was naive and wanted to save the relationship at all costs.  We tried therapy, but she felt that the therapist was 'on my side', and refused to attend sessions, together or alone, with the therapist randomly selected by me, or her.  Red flag.

     

    I soldiered on, for the kids and my hope that she'd change.  I continued therapy for years.  I bought books about how to be a better husband and lover.  I lavished her with attention for years.  She accused me of holding her infidelity over her head whenever we argued, although I stopped even mentioning the past after early disasters.  She withheld sex, sometimes for months and yes, years, to the point where I simply didn't want it anymore.  Red flag.

     

    She became increasingly enmeshed in the kids' activities.  Overcommitting her time.  We cycled through the activities as the kids' interests changed, or her temper alienated her from a circle of friends associated with an activity.  There was a pattern.  Red flag.

     

    She got angry frequently with the kids, blaming them for pushing her buttons.  It became verbally abusive on many occasions and sometime even physically abusive.  It happened frequently enough that the school called me in to talk about getting our kids some counseling.  It became difficult to deal with other peoples' opinion of her.  I made lots and lots of excuses about how stressed she was with the pressure from all the activities.  Lots of red flags.

     

    Sometimes her anger would escalate to the point that she could not be with us anymore.  She would decide, in mid-arguement, to leave.  At first I talked her out of it.  Another time she left for hours.  Eventually came actual abandonment, with a packed suitcase and talk of sending papers from a lawyer.

     

    After some number of days she'd calmed down and wanted to be home.  She admitted  having issues with her temper, but explained that it was partly due to all the family members pushing her buttons.  There is some truth to that I am sure, but there's also clearly some issue that has to be addressed.  Maybe it's bipolar disorder.   Maybe it's something else.  My kids need a mom, and I need a wife and life partner.

    • SameGuyAsBefore
      Jun. 16, 2014

      An update.  After the last abandonment I told her I wanted her to seek anger counseling and to look into getting a job (just to get her out of the house and among other people doing something interesting that she liked), and she came home after a full week away.

      Four months later, and I look back and realize that she hasn't even attempted to do either of...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      An update.  After the last abandonment I told her I wanted her to seek anger counseling and to look into getting a job (just to get her out of the house and among other people doing something interesting that she liked), and she came home after a full week away.

      Four months later, and I look back and realize that she hasn't even attempted to do either of those things.  While continuing all the same old behaviors.

       

      Yesterday she got so angry that nobody emptied the dishwasher that she bashed dishes around until she broke the pyrex top of a pot... and continued bashing things around.  I reminded her that she needs to seek counseling, and and was met with answers ranging from 'Why don't you just go away' and 'I don't need you'.  So I took a long walk to think about things.  While I was out she continued preparing to leave us, clearing out her dresser, and has given me the silent treatment all day today.  Happy Father's Day.

  • Anonymous
    boobooooo
    Feb. 05, 2014

    i feel so bad.. my ex boyfriend and I always used to fight and it became physical. i loved him so very much but I was so scared of him and always thought that there was no reason to hurt in any way someone you love, that relationship ended.

    Few months after I met a wonderful man and he became my husband. But everytime we argue about something and I get mad...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    i feel so bad.. my ex boyfriend and I always used to fight and it became physical. i loved him so very much but I was so scared of him and always thought that there was no reason to hurt in any way someone you love, that relationship ended.

    Few months after I met a wonderful man and he became my husband. But everytime we argue about something and I get mad I hit him.

    We just fought few minutes ago, he starded and said "I am going to smack you in the face" . that comment was enough for me to get so angry and said dont you ever. i kinda pushed him and he did the same, so i got up and kicked him in the back and I really hurt him. The worse part is that my 18 month old was with me.

    I dont understad why I do this. I feel like s*it right know.

    we were trying to have anothe baby and I was so excited about that, but as right now  dont want to have another baby anymore..Im such a horrible person...Somebody help me plaease

  • Anonymous
    Setts posting
    Jan. 21, 2014
    Wow. After reading all the posts starting with the original, I am replaying all the events that occurred during my marriage for the past ten years. My husband would seem allright one moment and literally become unrecognizàble the next. I would be left reeling wondering what just happenned. When I would try to smooth things over it only got worse. It was usually...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    Wow. After reading all the posts starting with the original, I am replaying all the events that occurred during my marriage for the past ten years. My husband would seem allright one moment and literally become unrecognizàble the next. I would be left reeling wondering what just happenned. When I would try to smooth things over it only got worse. It was usually him misunderstanding something and insinuating things. It has happened in public places for me as well. I felt it was bipolar about 5 years ago.it's only now, after 10 years of marriage, that he is questioning why he acts this way. Better late than never. I have learned how to handle him better. Basically, I am always on alert. I handle many things on my own. I try and not to give too much to do. Less stress is best. I encourage him to exercise. I try to be gluten-free at home. It hasn't been easy but I did all this because I have children to raise. If I sense any bad moods, I warn the kids and get them occupied with something to do. We have managed so far.
    • Anonymous
      atmywitsend
      Apr. 17, 2014

      I go through this same scenario almost word for word. It is kind of refreshing to know I'm not the only person in this situation. I'd known my husband for 15 years before we got married and now for 10 years of marriage. He never had an anger problem before we married but it started emerging shortly after having our first child. He was diagnosed with anxiety...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      I go through this same scenario almost word for word. It is kind of refreshing to know I'm not the only person in this situation. I'd known my husband for 15 years before we got married and now for 10 years of marriage. He never had an anger problem before we married but it started emerging shortly after having our first child. He was diagnosed with anxiety and put on medication. It was working for the past year to at least take the edge off his anger, until recently now he's back to mean miserable man. I think it's bigger than anxiety and possibly bi polar. I need to get him to a shrink, before I need one too!

  • Anonymous
    Joshua's Mom
    Jan. 13, 2014

    Wow.  I am going through the same thing.  My 54 year old husband has mood swings and temper tantrums particularly in the evenings.  We have an infant and I ask him to do anything for the child in the evenings, he throws a temper tantrum.  If I challenge him on it, he calls me a bad mother and wife.  Mind you I work longer hours, make...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Wow.  I am going through the same thing.  My 54 year old husband has mood swings and temper tantrums particularly in the evenings.  We have an infant and I ask him to do anything for the child in the evenings, he throws a temper tantrum.  If I challenge him on it, he calls me a bad mother and wife.  Mind you I work longer hours, make more money, pay more bills, spend twice as much time with our son or more, fix or have someone else fix anything broker around the house and take care of all doctors appointments, getting my son ready for school/bed and taking him to school.  He was off for 2 weeks and spent it in the bedroom sleeping or taking himself out to lunch.  When I confronted him again he called me a bad mother and wife, evil, crazy, you name it.  He used to be a good man and in the morning he wakes up and tries to do something with our son "to make up for it" better there is never an apology or acknowledgement that he screwed up or that he has some serious issues to deal with.  Most of his vocabulary centers around "I" and how he feels.  My son is only 16 months old and I am trying to stick around for him but I don't want to see him pick up any of this negative behavior because I wonder if some of this was picked up from my husband's dad.  I am also Wife #3.  Any suggestions?

    • Anonymous
      Rachel
      Feb. 20, 2014
      I am also going through this. My boyfriend is 47 and he is moody, angry resentful most of the time. If I suggest something he says get off my back if I ask him to do something he gets into a bad mood. I lived alone for years, worked and owned my little house. He wanted to move in and because I was a Christian I said i wished to be married before I lived with...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      I am also going through this. My boyfriend is 47 and he is moody, angry resentful most of the time. If I suggest something he says get off my back if I ask him to do something he gets into a bad mood. I lived alone for years, worked and owned my little house. He wanted to move in and because I was a Christian I said i wished to be married before I lived with a man. We got engaged and things seemed to be going well except a few temper tantrums and bad moods. He Tsb me they were usual. Anyhow he moved into mine and his mods swings and general behaviour towards me had gotten worse. He shouts and is nasty almost every day. I tried to get some inkling as to why from his parents who told me he had depression before when his second marriage broke up. They have had a word with him and now he says I have turned his parents against him. My mother tried to talk to him after she found out he had been shouting at me all day he hung up the phone on her saying is turned her against him too. I have defended him to my friends and family and have just had enough. I tried to talk to him about getting a bit of space between us to ease the tension. There is a spare room he agreed shouting at me if I cleared the spare room out. I made the spare room as comfortable as I could there are still boxes and things from two lives coming together. He came home and said he didn't agree and wasn't going to move in there. He raised his voice then when he realised I wasn't going to back down demanded I give him back engagement ring which I did. He slammed doors and texted neatly 30 times sometimes threatening suicide others complaining he didn't have enough pillows. I locked myself in my room so he doesn't come bursting in to argue with me again. Is this all about control of the money he will get if we marry or does he really love me and has a mental health issue. He was very quick to want to marry and move in 6 months. I delayed the marriage however he insisted on joint bank accounts and has said I owe him £500 when he took back the ring. He lived off me for around 5 mths then paid £400 towards bills every month for five months before we got a joint account. We have been together a year and a half. He is in the spare room however his counselling sessions don't seem to be having any effect and I am seriously thinking this is not the life I would have chosen for myself I am 50 this year and was a strong independent woman. What do I do next?
    • Anonymous
      jm1101
      Mar. 09, 2014

      I'm in a very similar sitation, my husband is 47 this year I will be 32, we have a 4 yr old son who is autistic, my husband is mean and angry daily, he's abusive and takes the verbal abuse to a level that is below the belt, personal insults, the worst cursing possible, and he also nit picks, everything I o, he looks for omething wrong, he is very petty and...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      I'm in a very similar sitation, my husband is 47 this year I will be 32, we have a 4 yr old son who is autistic, my husband is mean and angry daily, he's abusive and takes the verbal abuse to a level that is below the belt, personal insults, the worst cursing possible, and he also nit picks, everything I o, he looks for omething wrong, he is very petty and is appaently completely unaware of this. He also has been violent on several occasions, the more independent I am, the more violent he is, he has strangled me until I turned red, dislocated my jaw and yabked my neck and given me a 'chinese burn' that really hurt, on oru block in front of people. He has periods where he improves, I've left him twice, I remain becaue our son gets best services for autism in y husband's state, I am from overseas, and there's no early intervention there. It's hard and depressing a lot of the time. My advice to both of you is to LEAVE, I am makng plans to do the same. I just don't want to disrupt my son's schooling again this year and am slowly but surely aligning myself to be independent. If I was capapble of supporting my son and I independently I'd be out the door tomorrow.

  • Mrs Vee
    Jan. 07, 2014

    Reading some of this make me realize that i am not alone with a crazy husband. We have been married for almost 10 years and together for 11. I am his third wife and I know why. The man is very angry with everyone and this includes God. He is verbally abusive and I have taken it up until a few days ago when I snapped and turned the table on him. Shocked the...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Reading some of this make me realize that i am not alone with a crazy husband. We have been married for almost 10 years and together for 11. I am his third wife and I know why. The man is very angry with everyone and this includes God. He is verbally abusive and I have taken it up until a few days ago when I snapped and turned the table on him. Shocked the hell out of him and now his feelings are hurt. Whatever!!!! I am sick of this and I realized a long time ago that my husband suffered from some type of mental illness. It is either Bipolar or he has a borderline personality disorder. He is a loner and says he has no one. He was abandon as a child and he has abandonments issue. I am very religious and believe in listening and waiting on the Lord. I know God is in the mist of all of this and I am not sure what his plan is now. I am preparing myself just in case I need to leave this crazy man. I cannot even begin to tell you what all this man has done.  I am asking the Lord for a healing for him. For God to show him that there is another way and that he does not have to always feel so bad. Overall he is a good man just have many demons. For the wives that stayed how did you deal with all of this? I would like to hear from the wives that left. What made you decide to just say I quit?

     

  • Anonymous
    anonn
    Jan. 02, 2014

    It seems like men of this generation all have that anger problem, how lucky you

    are if you find one that doesn't bring that attitude home.  Do you think it's somethng in the food, or water, or air?  Something that affects those with

    testosterone.  Women are such peacemakers, we can take a lot, but this 

    generation seems particularly bad....

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    It seems like men of this generation all have that anger problem, how lucky you

    are if you find one that doesn't bring that attitude home.  Do you think it's somethng in the food, or water, or air?  Something that affects those with

    testosterone.  Women are such peacemakers, we can take a lot, but this 

    generation seems particularly bad.  My husband has an ass atitude too.  Did 

    you notice how many of you women said almost the exact same thing. Is tha

    just a coincidence.

  • Anonymous
    Confused
    Dec. 20, 2013

    My husband and I  have been together for 12yrs. Married for 10. We have been seperated more than once. I love him & I know he loves me, but I am really struggling woth his moods more and more. He's always been controlling to a point. Hates change & gets angry very quickly. He isn't violent physically. But verbally he can be so cruel. To cut along...

    RHMLucky777

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    My husband and I  have been together for 12yrs. Married for 10. We have been seperated more than once. I love him & I know he loves me, but I am really struggling woth his moods more and more. He's always been controlling to a point. Hates change & gets angry very quickly. He isn't violent physically. But verbally he can be so cruel. To cut along story short, I suffered from Depression a few years ago. We have also lost our 18yr old son & 2yr old grandaughter.It was a long hard road back, but I made it. My husband was my rock through it. Tho at the start that was far from good. He didn't understand why or what was wrong and took a while to get a grip on it. But once he did he was great. I had a fantastic counsellor, & amazing support from friends. I was totally dependant on him. Couldn't leave the house ect on my own.. Once I started to get better and wanted to go out & get back to normal & do it on my own his control ect started to surface again. I had a car accident in his car, wasn't major but he went rite off and accused me of all sorts of things. Not once asking how I was. Yet when he had one, it was " It's only a vehicle they can be replaced". That was hard to take. He had a way of always turning it back on me & making me feel I was in the wrong & making me believe he was rite.

    Some times he can be absolutely wonderful & we have lots of fun together.. 

    We seperated a yr ago for 6mths & I left town. Wouldn't talk to me before I left but 2wks later wanted to see me. He expected me to go to him but he wouldn't come see me. Any way I left town. We talked and seemed to make headway & I come home. Our daughter had also been diagnosed with a serious form of Epilespy, so I came home. Left a great job and money to no job. He has been supportive of me not working & doesn't mind, said as long as we are together thats all that matters. Made me feel like we were back on track. The last several months have been really good until lately. 

    He has started getting angry again over absolutely nothing. I forgot to put a handle on a bucket (no big deal) but he realy lost it. Wouldn't listen to me. We have been planning a holiday away as he races bikes. Was going to be over the New Year. Our daughter was coming to look after the animals & house for us. She was invited to go away for New Yrs (shes 21).. She gives up so much to help us so I told her to go & I would organise the animals. I booked dogs into kennels & sorted a friend to come feed the rest at home. Wasn't going to cost him, nothing was a problem. I told him & he just lost it totally. Now I am staying behind & he gets to go away.. When I was away I suggested he ask our daughter to come out for a weekend to look after the place so he could come up to see me. He told me that she has her own life & doesn't expect her to give up her time for us.. Now that I'm home & he wants to go away he expects her to do it. He hasn't spoken to me for 3days. I'm dreading xmas day as if he still is like this our daughter wont stay & that will ruin the day. It's the 1st xmas he has had off work in 9yrs, so this was ment to be special. He hates me going away anywhere that he isn't. He isn't a social butterfly so we don't go out much or have friends round. Which is hard for me as I like to be social. My friends wont come visit me when he is home as he makes them feel uncomfortable. He is so critaical of every one, even his best mate..I'm not sleeping, it's stressing me so much. I get nervous when he's due home. I have tried to talk to him bout this several times but he gets angry & refuses to accept he has a problem & it's me that has the problem, therefore wont get help. Has any one gone through this. I don't know what to do. I odn't want to leave again as it would be for good next time. I guess it's only because I know he does love me. Trust me I'm not blind to his faults. He can be a wondefrul person. But I can't keep going through this. :(

     

  • ruefo
    Oct. 18, 2013

    reading all the stories sounds just like my husband ..I wonder if it would be a good idea to let him read all the stories.

  • ruefo
    Oct. 18, 2013

    this sounds so much like my husband would it be a good idea to just let him read all of this

  • rubi
    Dec. 28, 2012

    Hi friends

  • Anonymous
    caroline
    Sep. 15, 2012

    It seems to me that your husband/boyfriend is experiencing some of the same symptoms as my husband did...for years he was undiagnosed and told he had anger management issues which in all truth that was so far from being the case. Alittle over a year ago my husband was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar with manic/depressive episodes. If your spouse doesnt seek...

    RHMLucky777

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    It seems to me that your husband/boyfriend is experiencing some of the same symptoms as my husband did...for years he was undiagnosed and told he had anger management issues which in all truth that was so far from being the case. Alittle over a year ago my husband was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar with manic/depressive episodes. If your spouse doesnt seek the correct help the situation will only get worse. My husband like yours went thru the verbal abuse but we caught his before it had gotten to the physical abuse. I wont lie to you there is no cure but his episodes can be controlled and altho it isnt an easy disease for us(spouses) to cope with we did take them for better or worse and it does get better with the right medical attention. I wish you luck!

  • karla
    Dec. 19, 2010

    My husband has always been very mean. I know it sounds crazy that I'm still married to him, but feel that my disasterous life could get worse, if I were to leave. He completely explodes at the slightest thing, or if someone else gets angry, he says that they are "crazy" and an unreasonable idiot. He ruins the Christmas holiday every year, by moping and throwing...

    RHMLucky777

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    My husband has always been very mean. I know it sounds crazy that I'm still married to him, but feel that my disasterous life could get worse, if I were to leave. He completely explodes at the slightest thing, or if someone else gets angry, he says that they are "crazy" and an unreasonable idiot. He ruins the Christmas holiday every year, by moping and throwing fits, mostly about Christqmas itself. He says very mean, hurtful, derrogatory things to me. I am so depressed that I feel like shooting myself. Cry Any suggestions, we've been married 26 years.

    • javlin501
      Dec. 19, 2010

      man, i admire you, i think you should be answering questions insted of asking. how you have kept things together for that long, would no doubt make a great book. bipolar disorder ended my marriage/relationship. all of the fighting, her drinking, & the worst part i think was her judgement in trust. i'd give everything i own for her, i wanted her trust so...

      RHMLucky777

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      man, i admire you, i think you should be answering questions insted of asking. how you have kept things together for that long, would no doubt make a great book. bipolar disorder ended my marriage/relationship. all of the fighting, her drinking, & the worst part i think was her judgement in trust. i'd give everything i own for her, i wanted her trust so bad & tried everything i could to gain it. she pushed me away so many times that one day i let her push me away, now i'm totallly devastated without her.

    • Anonymous
      nina
      Apr. 04, 2011

      i never thought other women are suffering the way i am. my husband is very mean, he is rude to my family and i even hate to go to restaurants or holidays because he just gets angry suddenly and for no valid reasons.

      the first year of marriage was great, he used to hurt my feelings now and then, but he cheers me up or takes me out after it.

      in the second year,...

      RHMLucky777

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      i never thought other women are suffering the way i am. my husband is very mean, he is rude to my family and i even hate to go to restaurants or holidays because he just gets angry suddenly and for no valid reasons.

      the first year of marriage was great, he used to hurt my feelings now and then, but he cheers me up or takes me out after it.

      in the second year, i gave birth and all the problems started. he used to get upset when the baby cries, if the house is not tidy. i explained that i was breast feeding every 5-10mins. he would invite his friends and asks me to cook while my daughter is crying and he wouldn't help because he is a 'man' and it is my job to clean, cook, takecare of my baby. he would also take me to visit people without telling me. i feel i am his slave not his wife!

      we separated, but we are back together because during separation my daughter wouldn't sleep at night and keeps calling her dad. i am back to this torture because of my baby. it even got worse, he comes home very late at night and expects me to be waiting for him with a smile on my face! in addition, he's been telling me that i need help and that i am depressed because i cry when he hurts me! what else can i do when he degrades and hurts me and not allow me to work. 

      it seems that he wants me to admit that i am mental -when i am totally fine- i am just being a woman! i believed him at first, then realized he is causing the problem after living with my parents and brothers with no problems for 3months.

      i just don't want to end up in mental hospital -i have been married for only 3years-. how did you mange for all those years? (touch wood).

       

       

       

    • workingwoman
      Apr. 15, 2011

      Hi Everyone there, I am somewhat facing the same situations. I am not sure whether my husband is having a bipolar disorder. but yes he is very short tempered, gets angry for very small and silly things which could just be ignored or sorted out with small discussions. Its not only me at whom he yells and gets angry with. It can be anyone. And usually when he...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hi Everyone there, I am somewhat facing the same situations. I am not sure whether my husband is having a bipolar disorder. but yes he is very short tempered, gets angry for very small and silly things which could just be ignored or sorted out with small discussions. Its not only me at whom he yells and gets angry with. It can be anyone. And usually when he gets angry he leaves the food/breakfast (eats outside during that tie or cooks on his own), doesnt respond to what other people say and comments very often. I am working and have a 1 yr old kid. I do not know what impact is she having because of all this stuff. Most of the time I try to control my anger (I was also considered short tempered prior to marriage) and bring the situation in control but all in vain. Once he is angry the war continues for atleast 3-4 days and I think there is no upper bound. Initially, I use to try to calm him down but later I learnt thats of no use, so I have stopped doing that.  Hugging, cooking good food etc nothing works for him. Nowadays I leave him at his condition when he is angry and wait for 2-3 days. I try to resume by talking small things to him but he never responds.

      I do not know whether its the right way to handle him...

      But yes I get tensed because of all this stuff. Sometimes think of leaving the house or commiting suicide. but then I always think of my daughter and that these are pretty little things and I should fight and face all these situations. (Probably that gives me strength).

      God knows whats gonna happen in future.. it has been just few years of my marriage..

       

    • mmschoeb
      Jul. 10, 2013

      why shoot yourself - you're not the problem?

       

      Here is how YOU KNOW that HE IS AWARE that what he is doing/saying is wrong... He rarely acts that way towards others or in public. He treats others with respect. He 'understands' other peolple. He can show compassion towards others etc... 

      But, when it comes to you - you're a no good w*ore! 

       ...

      RHMLucky777

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      why shoot yourself - you're not the problem?

       

      Here is how YOU KNOW that HE IS AWARE that what he is doing/saying is wrong... He rarely acts that way towards others or in public. He treats others with respect. He 'understands' other peolple. He can show compassion towards others etc... 

      But, when it comes to you - you're a no good w*ore! 

       

      I notice that all comments ARE FROM WOMEN complaining about the 'man' in your life. 

       

      These men are sexist. They HATE women. They hate the POWER we have. That power being what they will eventually need and want. DONT GIVE IT TO HIM until he meets your standards of conduct for AN EXTENDED period of time. If he reverts back then you know he was just faking it to get a piece. 

       

      I'm just realizing his mind-games. one of the BEST ways to deal with these heartless bastards is to simply LAUGH and WALK AWAY, LEAVE the house for a while. If you can go somewhere ( a friend) and re-organize your thoughts.

       

      ANOTHER thing you should do is keep a journal of these interactions. I started to do that and then stopped. I REGRET Stopping.

       

      Anyway, when he wants to have those irrational conversations JUST WALK OUT. Leave for a little bit. If he starts in on you as soon as you return then do an about face (without ANY EXPLAINING) and leave again.

       

      Bottom line is this is VERBAL ABUSE. And verbal abuse is about CONTROL. 

      One resource I found to be invaluable are the books by Patricia Evans. I think her website is verbalabuseDOTCOM.  "The Verbally Abusive Relationship .. how to recognize" This book will EXPOSE EACH TACTIC and HOW they use them to gain control over your emotions.  You think you know what verbal abuse is??? Well, you DON't! It goes WAAAAYYY beyond name-calling. READ IT - ARM YOURSELF  WITH KNOWLEDGE! ONCE THEY REALIZE YOU ARE ON TO THEM, YOU WILL SEE SUCH A HUGE SHIFT IN THE DYNAMICS.  Sometimes things get worse because you have the upper hand. 

       

      One of the MAIN TACTICS is to keep you OFF-Balance and upset. Wondering what you did wrong! Which is exactly what they want. Once you begin to identify all of the MANIPULATION it gives YOU STRENGTH and that intimidates them. 

       

      Also, remember, EVERYTHING they accuse you of... Well, just hold up a mirror. THEY ARE REALLY EXPOSING THEMSELVES and how LOW and Useless they feel. They project this on to you (or the closest person... usually a WOMAN) to them. Funny they NEVER talk to MEN they way they talk to you, huh? 

       

      GET THE BOOK - IT WILL RESTORE YOUR SANITY and also give you the tools you need to deal with this, if you decide to stay. BEWARE: after you read this bok and you realize that they KNOW EXACTLY what they are doing you may feel VERY ANGRY realizing they are doing this crap to control you!

       

      Good luck and STAY STRONG. Don't get caught up in explaining and defending yourself. THAT IS EXACTLY what they want. 

       

      If they see the book - they might get very angry or become even more elusive and manipulative so it may be best to keep that secret to yourself. 

       

      He see's you as the enemy and because of that you cannot let him know what you know... Stay Strong. if you cannot afford the book then go to bookstore and read it there. YOU MUST UNDERSTAND it's ALL about CONTROL!!!!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dec. 18, 2009

    i can't belive what i am reading. i thought that i had a one and only situation. i have considered bipolar as a possiblity before but reading all these comments it makes me feel like there is no hope. its easier to think that it is just imaturaty or something like that because then it can change. but if it  is in fact bipolar then it is a mental thing...

    RHMLucky777

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    i can't belive what i am reading. i thought that i had a one and only situation. i have considered bipolar as a possiblity before but reading all these comments it makes me feel like there is no hope. its easier to think that it is just imaturaty or something like that because then it can change. but if it  is in fact bipolar then it is a mental thing then there is no hope. mental illness is all throughout my family so i know all about it and without medication there is nothing that can change. it only gets worse. my husband will never go to get help. he wont even consider he has a problem in the first place. he isnt physically violent but he is with his words. he gets set off by the smallest things and i am constantly walking on egg shells hoping nothing sets him off. im always trying to keep the peace but it never fails that something will set him off and then thats it. i do love him but its hard because i never thought id be in a relationship that i had to live on edge on an everyday basis. i have my own depression issues and this only adds to it. are there any tricks anyone my have to help me get him to acknowledge he at least has a problem or to get him to see someone who can tell him he does?

    • Anonymous
      lolya
      Feb. 01, 2010

      i thought that i had a one and only situation too, well i don't know what can i say to make you feel better, but i have the same position, an angry husband, all the time almost

      it's so hard because i love him .. i feel so weak and helpless powerless just to make him calm down i don't speak so things doesn't get worse, of course he can't be relief...

      RHMLucky777

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      i thought that i had a one and only situation too, well i don't know what can i say to make you feel better, but i have the same position, an angry husband, all the time almost

      it's so hard because i love him .. i feel so weak and helpless powerless just to make him calm down i don't speak so things doesn't get worse, of course he can't be relief until i cry HARD, and what ever he has in his hand, simply he will throw it at me,no reason or so stupid small reasons makes him like this angry, one day he throw small steel bar so heavy and it felt on my leg and broke it. well what did i do? i started to cry from the pain and he came to me so sorry,and guess what? i told him don't worry i'm ok i love you. yes i'm that weak and i hate myself for being that stupid, i hope i have the courage to leave him. i just wanna tell you one thing you take care your safety.i know in one second you feel it's not important and you wish you die but believe me it is,it's important. 

    • Anonymous
      who do you love...
      Feb. 03, 2010

      You are not stupid. You are just compassionate, patient, forgiving, and optomistic. I know the feeling of those qualities being taken advantage of and trampled on. Its a deep disapointing aching hurt. They are admirable qualities to have and can sometime get people through these kinds of situations. BUT, only for so long. If he continues to act that way over...

      RHMLucky777

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      You are not stupid. You are just compassionate, patient, forgiving, and optomistic. I know the feeling of those qualities being taken advantage of and trampled on. Its a deep disapointing aching hurt. They are admirable qualities to have and can sometime get people through these kinds of situations. BUT, only for so long. If he continues to act that way over time, you must seperate yourself. If you dont, then stupid may be right.

    • been there
      Apr. 28, 2010

      You are kind to help and look at yourself to see if you are contributing to the problem.  That is called your observing self.  something he does not have! Do not blame yourself.  he is angry for reasons that you have nothing to do with.  He needs professional help and you should find out why you put up with him.  I have been in the...

      RHMLucky777

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      You are kind to help and look at yourself to see if you are contributing to the problem.  That is called your observing self.  something he does not have! Do not blame yourself.  he is angry for reasons that you have nothing to do with.  He needs professional help and you should find out why you put up with him.  I have been in the same position for years.  And although I have loved my husband, I am now growing intolerant of his behavior and belittling.  i have 3 children and contemplate daily if leaving is the right thing for them.  He's good in that they rarely see him act like I see.  He refuses to leave which leaves me with the decision of what is best.  But bottom line is that these people kill any love you may have and still expect admiration and intimacy which I find impossible.  Good luck and know you are not alone :)  I finally have put the pieces of the puzzle together.  I've tolerated him because I hate confrontation and have learned to please to avoid conflict.  He is abusive becuase he feels insecure and has to belittle to be the big man.  Unless he can see that and understand, i will always be his stepping stool to "greatness"

    • Anonymous
      Big Mistake
      Aug. 27, 2010

      Ladies, first off these men aren't bipolar, they're assholes they are insecure and have low self esteem. They are unable to control or know how to deal with the things that go on around them so they take it out on YOU the one thing they feel they do have control over. DO NOT blame yourselves for their behavior and never handle these situations in a passive...

      RHMLucky777

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      Ladies, first off these men aren't bipolar, they're assholes they are insecure and have low self esteem. They are unable to control or know how to deal with the things that go on around them so they take it out on YOU the one thing they feel they do have control over. DO NOT blame yourselves for their behavior and never handle these situations in a passive aggressive manner thinking that they will calm down, they won't! I have been married to my husband for a little over a year now and I'm already ready for divorce we have a 5 month old daughter who he had not seen since she was a week old. We do not live together so he came to visit us a few weeks ago (the longest week and a half ever!) and our daughter was crying in the back seat and apparently she was getting on his nerves so started cursing at her. When I tell you I pulled that car over so fast and got out and got in his butt...He is never happy; he is a chronic complainer; everything is a waste of money to him so I never ask him for money (besides I have my own) but he does things and buys things on his own free will and then complains about it. We went to the water park while he was here I asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes and he kinda seemed excited to go. As soon as we get there he complains about the cost to get in (after we got a military discount) I tried to give him the money back since he wanted to make a big deal about it but he refused to take it.  After getting undressed and headed over to the water slides we got into another argument for about 20 minutes because he didn't want to get on any of the slides after he said he would...This is the type of thing he does ALL the time he says he wants to go somewhere or do something and then once we get there all hell breaks loose, he'll say things like why are we here or this is stupid after he suggested going. He never smiles and likes to refer to me as stupid or ignorant when I'm the one with two bachelors degrees and currently working on my MBA and he has no degree. He convinced me to leave Hawaii where I had a job and a place to live and move back to the mainland with my parents then, he throws it in my face every chance he gets that I have no job and I'm living with my parents like it was my idea or something. My husband  goes off for no good reason and completely out of nowhere, he is very immature and never takes responsibility for his actions I blame his mother for sheltering him and always getting him off the hook by placing blame on other people (nothing is ever his fault) He is 30 years old and does not own a suit or any dress clothes or shoes just jeans, over sized tee shirts and sneakers. His ass is way to old to be dressing like he's in high school, if you saw him on the street you would not think that he was in the military. Anyway, my husband is a complete idiot and it sounds like the rest of your husbands are too. Don't let them get away with their behavior, call them on their crap immediately when it happens and try to find something or someone positive you can always turn to when they start to trip because all they want to do is transfer their negative mood onto you and make you as miserable as they are. These people can not be helped the are like a disease who sucks the happy out of everyone and everything my best advice is to get out of the relationship while you can because eventually they will have you thinking theirs something wrong with you. Be blessed ladies!

    • Anonymous
      there is hope!
      Sep. 29, 2010

      I am shocked after reading most of the posts on this blog.  If I try to give my husband space and let him cool down, that enrages him.  He expects me to fix all his problems, make him feel better about the situation and come up with immediate solutions.  He flys off the handle in the middle of my sentences; he threatens to do things that he knows...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am shocked after reading most of the posts on this blog.  If I try to give my husband space and let him cool down, that enrages him.  He expects me to fix all his problems, make him feel better about the situation and come up with immediate solutions.  He flys off the handle in the middle of my sentences; he threatens to do things that he knows will get my attention.  Example: he wants money to buy clothes and we can only afford a certain amount and that's not good enough for him (nothing ever is) so he says he'll call his ex-girlfriend for money because she'll give it to him because she's still in love with him.  That one worked for many years, after I realized that I had virtue and wasn't going to let him take it away from me I said, "go ahead, call her", he stopped using that tactic.  Now he's developed other ones that are worse.  He threatens to tell my sisters husband that she cheated on him, he threatens to post mean and hateful things about me on his Facebook page.  He does this so I will continue to listen to him rant and rave about how I am doing things wrong, how I should respond, how I should act, how I should... the list goes on! 

       

      Then he has the nerve to say I blame him for things and says that I think I'm Miss perfect.  I've been seeing a Dr. for almost a year now without his knowledge just to help me keep my sanity.  I get angry often, but I try to find my center and focus on the things I can do and that is good enough for now and when I have enough money saved, I am leaving him. 

       

      I am over the hump of worrying about what he thinks and pleasing him.  Marriage / relationships are a 2-way street and if one of the partners is acting like an irrational fool and you can't talk to them sensibly, it is time to make a plan to get out.  And make sure you stick with the plan; don't be fooled by his/her nicities one minute, because you know that it is not going to stay like that, don't fool yourself!  Save money to get out, even if it's only $50 per month.  Make your plan and move on with your life; it doesn't matter how old you are, just be true to yourself.  Don't live in a lie anymore.  Be well!

    • JenniferCecelia
      Sep. 30, 2010

      "re: Sick and Tired

      there is hope!
      Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 04:01 PM"

       

      Holy crap.... aside form the threatening part, that is exactly the way my 17 year old brother acts towards me mother (he has gotten more talk backish towards my father.... but he does not get away with it with him... and he cant stand me, I am more in charge than my dad sometimes...

      RHMLucky777

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      "re: Sick and Tired

      there is hope!
      Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 04:01 PM"

       

      Holy crap.... aside form the threatening part, that is exactly the way my 17 year old brother acts towards me mother (he has gotten more talk backish towards my father.... but he does not get away with it with him... and he cant stand me, I am more in charge than my dad sometimes lol...which is saying something. But he does not listen to me, just gets angry when I try to get involved.) He is verbally abusive though does not curse at us too much or not really at all usually when talking to my mom, just screams yells cries.... and comes to my door when angry enough rarely cus I rarely bother to get that involved only when necessary when I really hear something rediculous said by him or when he is really upsetting and stressing my mother and when I hear her putting up with it or getting know where while talking to him..... he hits my door or in other words starts to get angry enough to get violent. We are doing something about it while we can, before he is 18. We have ADD but I think he has way more problems going on. Guys like that need to be toled what's up. Just be careful!

    • JenniferCecelia
      Sep. 30, 2010

      I think married couples should have a joint facebook. They share it. Hide the sex from showing up on the profile lol and have the default always be of the two of you. I dunno, maybe anyway. facebook has caused problems for me and my boyfriend in many ways. We don't often talk to the opposite sex in order to help maintain a healthy relationship together, because...

      RHMLucky777

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      I think married couples should have a joint facebook. They share it. Hide the sex from showing up on the profile lol and have the default always be of the two of you. I dunno, maybe anyway. facebook has caused problems for me and my boyfriend in many ways. We don't often talk to the opposite sex in order to help maintain a healthy relationship together, because people my age often can be such flirts.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Sep. 30, 2009

    Wow, it seems I have had the same things happen to me. We can be o.k. for months, and I could do something so small and he would fly off the handle and leave. He always says it is my fault, and everybody else's fault. He stops speaking to me for 2 to 3 days at a time. These are just simple arguments, something that could be fixed with a discussion. He did this...

    RHMLucky777

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    Wow, it seems I have had the same things happen to me. We can be o.k. for months, and I could do something so small and he would fly off the handle and leave. He always says it is my fault, and everybody else's fault. He stops speaking to me for 2 to 3 days at a time. These are just simple arguments, something that could be fixed with a discussion. He did this two weeks ago and left me and the kids again. The bad thing about this is he is a minister, and I don't know what to do anymore? I love him but I can not talk to him without him getting mad. I am so frustrated that he left me over such a small thing, we have been through much more than this. I just don't feel it was that serious for him to leave me.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Oct. 25, 2009

      It's so nice to know that there are other women going through the exact same stuff as me (even though I would never wish it on any of you). 

      Why don't we leave?  I'm scared.  He's kept me dependent and uneducated and with two kids, food, shelter, clothing, dance class, and braces to pay for, it would be very difficult to make it on my own. ...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      It's so nice to know that there are other women going through the exact same stuff as me (even though I would never wish it on any of you). 

      Why don't we leave?  I'm scared.  He's kept me dependent and uneducated and with two kids, food, shelter, clothing, dance class, and braces to pay for, it would be very difficult to make it on my own.  Is it worth it though to have to worry about my safety, or to feel so sad after he dumps on me because I asked him if he could please sweep the floor?.  Why do we stay?  We've had a crummy sex life for years.  Instead of being hyper-sexual, my husband is hypo-sexual (a side-effect of ADHD).   Do you really love your husband enough that his angry outbursts, selfishness and insecurity are OK?  I don't!  I don't love him anymore.  I'm at the point where leaving seems much better than staying.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Oct. 25, 2009

      I guess I don't leave because I am hoping it will change, and this hope has drug through 12 years with him. If he leaves me for good I will make it, I have a bachelor's degree in Bus. Mgmt. and I am already in a career as a HR Mgr. I actually make more money than he does too, but this is not what I want to base it on. He came back about a week ago, and I kind...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      I guess I don't leave because I am hoping it will change, and this hope has drug through 12 years with him. If he leaves me for good I will make it, I have a bachelor's degree in Bus. Mgmt. and I am already in a career as a HR Mgr. I actually make more money than he does too, but this is not what I want to base it on. He came back about a week ago, and I kind of want him to go for good. I was just getting used to him being gone, had stopped calling him and then he started calling me. I know he is holding me back in a lot of areas, but then I think about the kids. I'm 36 years old and I don't want to start over with anyone. I think about all of the things that could happen with all of the weirdos out in the world. These are some of my excuses that I am using, and I know I should of left him a long time ago, you are so right. All I can say is ask God to send you in the right path, and to give you the strength to make it through it. Also look into taking online or night classes to get you an education, some just take 18months or less to complete. That's what I did. Good luck to you.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Oct. 26, 2009
      My husband will not go for help I amm on meds to cope things took a new Turn in one of his unrealistic outbursts Accusing me of things I did Not do or say he now threaten me that if I deny again that I did not do Or say something that he will headbud me I think that I should leave As they say that bp people actualy tells you what they will do next Please let...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      My husband will not go for help I amm on meds to cope things took a new Turn in one of his unrealistic outbursts Accusing me of things I did Not do or say he now threaten me that if I deny again that I did not do Or say something that he will headbud me I think that I should leave As they say that bp people actualy tells you what they will do next Please let me know your thoughts
    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Oct. 28, 2009

      Now my husband does not put his hands on me, nor does he threaten me. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger, and when I had my first child he hit me one night and I thought if he will hit me, he will hit my child. So when he went to work the next day I packed my stuff and I left him. It hurt like hell but I knew I had to move on. I can not deal...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Now my husband does not put his hands on me, nor does he threaten me. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger, and when I had my first child he hit me one night and I thought if he will hit me, he will hit my child. So when he went to work the next day I packed my stuff and I left him. It hurt like hell but I knew I had to move on. I can not deal with abuse, because I would probably end up hurting or killing someone who kept on with it. Please don't consider hurting your husband but if he is putting his hands on you then you need to leave. Check with the police and see if there is a shelter for abused women that you can go to, but please don't wait until it is too late. You need to be strong for your kids at least. If they see him hit on you they will grow up and think it is ok to do it someone. That is one thing about my husband he will leave before he puts his hands on me. I know he would never hit me.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Oct. 28, 2009
      My husband will not go for treatment he is bipolar. This is the first time that he threaten me during one of His outburst is this a sign that he will do it next time? I asked him the next day for a divorce but he cannot understand why because in his mind He was just a bit upset! And tells me he will never hurt me can someone please give me advice We do not...
      RHMLucky777
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      My husband will not go for treatment he is bipolar. This is the first time that he threaten me during one of His outburst is this a sign that he will do it next time? I asked him the next day for a divorce but he cannot understand why because in his mind He was just a bit upset! And tells me he will never hurt me can someone please give me advice We do not have children in the house we both have been married before
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dec. 16, 2007

    I can relate to your story about irrational outbursts, my husband does it all the time.  After moving in for the attack, he withdraws, becomes cold and stiff.  He would never become physically violent; he is like many men who are so controlling that he would not let himself go that far. 

     

    My problem, which I think many women relate to, is...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I can relate to your story about irrational outbursts, my husband does it all the time.  After moving in for the attack, he withdraws, becomes cold and stiff.  He would never become physically violent; he is like many men who are so controlling that he would not let himself go that far. 

     

    My problem, which I think many women relate to, is having a husband who is constantly flying off the handle, is critical and volatile.  He ruins vacations, ruins a good mood, a good dinner, is not supportive when one is sick or dealing with a work or family issue (he tells you it's your fault.)  This man is disrespectful and makes your life much harder than it ever has to be, and ruins a lot of happiness that you work hard to create.

     

    I get the sense that many women feel unjustified dealing with the problem at that level of the emotional (and sometimes verbal) abuse, and the craziness.  Seems that unless the husband is violent, or bipolar, or *something* with a big, bad label, it isn't a major issue.  It is!  It is destructive behavior and it hurts.  I wish more women would come forward based on the general problem, God knows we are not alone.

    • riverbluff
      Dec. 18, 2007
      Thanks for your time to share your similar situation.  We can go for days, sometimes weeks, and things seem to be going well.  My husband can actually be kind and caring at times.  He is a very stubborn individual and does not see that his anger and swinging moods is very abusive, and controlling.  I am finding that if I do not react to...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Thanks for your time to share your similar situation.  We can go for days, sometimes weeks, and things seem to be going well.  My husband can actually be kind and caring at times.  He is a very stubborn individual and does not see that his anger and swinging moods is very abusive, and controlling.  I am finding that if I do not react to his indifferent ways and mood swings, he will eventually come around, and appologize for his nasty ways.  I do agree that these individuals have loner personalities.  Don't push their buttons.....and it is always our fault....even though you cannot find what it is that he is upset about.  When he sees a reaction from me, and me being upset, he seems satisfied that he has accomplished his goal.  Thanks again for the input. 
    • confused housewife
      Jul. 11, 2010

      I am feeling all of these women who have husbands that are doing these meaningless outburst of childish fits. I am going through this right now. I am at the point of leaving my husband but I too feel the religious pressure of not leaving him. I don't believe in divorce. So what do a person is suppose to do. He clearly has this bipolar problem and has not yet...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am feeling all of these women who have husbands that are doing these meaningless outburst of childish fits. I am going through this right now. I am at the point of leaving my husband but I too feel the religious pressure of not leaving him. I don't believe in divorce. So what do a person is suppose to do. He clearly has this bipolar problem and has not yet been diagnose by a doctor. I am so tired of the blaming game for everything that goes wrong in our lives together. I am a full time student and I have to study. He is so selfish and mind manipulative. He is really making me sick. He sabbotages a good day for nothing. He tries to get me upset for nothing. I have diabetes and highblood pressure. He doesn't care at all about my sickness. I don't work and so he feels he can treat me like dirt. Please someone help!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous
      Cruiz
      Jun. 24, 2008

      boy did you hit it right on about my husband. And painful it is. I have been sitting here researching and trying to find help. I am worn out and only growing sicker in it all. I don't know where to turn. And how do you help someone that thinks they are right all the time and just for their reactions...

      I just don't understand the dysfunction..

    • been there
      Apr. 28, 2010

      I am experiencing the same thing too! My husband can be very loving and is great with our 3 children under 10 yrs old.  But when I make a mistake or "screw up" he feels it's his responsibility to set me straight.  It can be how I drive somewhere, buying groceries we don't need (not following my list) how I spend my time, anything.  He is belittling...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am experiencing the same thing too! My husband can be very loving and is great with our 3 children under 10 yrs old.  But when I make a mistake or "screw up" he feels it's his responsibility to set me straight.  It can be how I drive somewhere, buying groceries we don't need (not following my list) how I spend my time, anything.  He is belittling and degrading and then after flying off the handle because I told him an appointment time had changed I realize his bahavior is crazy.  Other married couples don't experience this every week.  but time goes by and he's fine and then I'll think the incident was isolated.  But then a couple of days or weeks go by and he's back.  Two years of counseling, meds and still the same thing.  It's a personality disorder I'm afraid......something med's can't cure.  I'm still with him 12 yrs later because of our kids and just can't decide to leave.  It's devastating to know that once there was great love but when life gets complicated with children and things that take attention from the "abuser" they have to act out even more to control and get attention.

    • Anonymous
      Survivorgal
      Apr. 01, 2013

      Your post hit the nail right on the head as far as my situation.  I live in this emotional horror with my husband of 7 years.  I am unable to leave, no car, no job, no money, having health issues.  It is a kind of mind rape if I could explain it.  Are they sick or are they just assholes?  Mine will get really mean when he wakes up after...

      RHMLucky777

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      Your post hit the nail right on the head as far as my situation.  I live in this emotional horror with my husband of 7 years.  I am unable to leave, no car, no job, no money, having health issues.  It is a kind of mind rape if I could explain it.  Are they sick or are they just assholes?  Mine will get really mean when he wakes up after having 8 hours of sleep.  The less sleep he get the better his disposition is, stange huh?  I think on the days he sleeps more than 5 hours a night the whole day I am walking on egg shells constantly and fearful.  He will throw things, scream, blame, insult and continue to rage and rage.  Heaven forbid we have to go anywhere, he has left me in stores and storms off for no reason.  He will verbally abuse me until I cry.  God help us all.

  • Can I really help?
    Sep. 25, 2007
    Yes, I have seen it hundres of times over 7 years.  The first two years were heavenly, this loving, supportive man was all I needed and then the depression started creeping in.  It pulled us apart and pushed us around like we were in a tidal wave.  Finally the Bipolar diagnosis!!  The last 6 months have been brutal and now I may have to...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    Yes, I have seen it hundres of times over 7 years.  The first two years were heavenly, this loving, supportive man was all I needed and then the depression started creeping in.  It pulled us apart and pushed us around like we were in a tidal wave.  Finally the Bipolar diagnosis!!  The last 6 months have been brutal and now I may have to let him go, Im not posititive how, but he is rude, mean, angry, lazy, and irresponsible.............and thats when hes not drinking or not even willing to talk.  I have tried many approaches, good guy, bad guy, patience, being mean back, telling him to leave, but he still has no sense of how he has hurt our family.  I fear that my children have seen way too much of his juvenile outburst.  I am at a lose, don't get to this point.  Try to get help from people that are actually able to help.
  • ladyelizabeth
    Sep. 07, 2007
    Yes, I have experienced this.  My best wishes to you...
  • Anonymous
    tabby
    Sep. 06, 2007

    Is your husband suffering from Bipolar and has been diagnosed as such?  If so, is he on meds and/or receiving treatment of some kind for it?  If so, he needs to get in contact with his professional support folks.

     

    You posted violence towards you, physically aggressive towards you.  Violence isn't acceptable period.

     

    If he has...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Is your husband suffering from Bipolar and has been diagnosed as such?  If so, is he on meds and/or receiving treatment of some kind for it?  If so, he needs to get in contact with his professional support folks.

     

    You posted violence towards you, physically aggressive towards you.  Violence isn't acceptable period.

     

    If he has been violent with you once - he'll more than likely be again.  You must make yourself safe.  You must make yourself safe!!  

     

    If he becomes unsafe towards you, himself, or others - call 911.  They'll know what to do.  It's hard and painful but YOU MUST stay safe.

     

    As far as a relationship - it is up to you what you feel you are capable with living with.  If he is Bipolar and diagnosed, it is life long and chronic.

     

    Even on meds and therapy he may, from time to time, have episodes of instability - that is where the pros come in.  If you can't see yourself dealing with this in the long haul then you'll need to think things through.

     

    But please, please take your safety seriously.

  • Anonymous
    Destiny
    Sep. 05, 2007
    My husband and I have had a few episodes that sound much like yours.  I've been asking him to see someone because I've suspected he's bipolar for a while, but he's  always refused.  A week ago, I wanted to divorce him and took action to separate.  He set up a meeting with a counselor that came to our home and did a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses,...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    My husband and I have had a few episodes that sound much like yours.  I've been asking him to see someone because I've suspected he's bipolar for a while, but he's  always refused.  A week ago, I wanted to divorce him and took action to separate.  He set up a meeting with a counselor that came to our home and did a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunity, threats) chart with us.  She was an amazing woman, and without knowing him or me, mentioned bipolar and medication and changing his diet.  Hearing it from someone else in a calm, one on one environment really made a big difference.  He's still not sold on medication (we as a family try natural solutions first), but he is changing his diet (no sugar, nicotine, cafeine, and exclusively whole grains).  In the end, he came to see that he was hurting the people he loves most:  me and his daughter.  He doesn't like his behavior, and had to  be backed into a corner before he realized he could no longer go on that way.  We are seeking counseling both together and separately, and in the  long run, whatever money we spend on that is preferrable to me being a single mom and him paying child support.  

    I'm learning that I  need to support him by giving him space when he gets upset.  If I rush to "fix" the situation, it usually only ends up getting worse.  If I leave him alone, it usually shortens the time between the blow up and the cool down when he returns and we can actually talk again.  Also, he must truly know that what he is doing is hurtful, and that he can't get better without help.  
    • Anonymous
      Hopeless
      Jun. 25, 2010

      My husband sounds very much like the men mentioned here.  He gets very, very angry over the smallest things.  Tonight he cut open a cantelope that wasn't ripe.  The outside was still green and I was going to let it ripen before we ate it.  I made the big mistake of saying that it wasn't ripe and he said it was.  He gave me a bite of...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      My husband sounds very much like the men mentioned here.  He gets very, very angry over the smallest things.  Tonight he cut open a cantelope that wasn't ripe.  The outside was still green and I was going to let it ripen before we ate it.  I made the big mistake of saying that it wasn't ripe and he said it was.  He gave me a bite of it to prove to me he was right (he's ALWAYS right) and it was crunchy and almost tasteless.  I stupidly said, "That's not ripe" and he threw the melon into the fridge, slammed the door and then told my 4 year old son to clean up his art project or he was going to throw it at the wall and smash it into a million pieces.  My poor son got very upset and I just wanted to crawl into a hole.  He spent the rest of the night angry, slamming doors, stomping around. . The reason I'm replying to this is because you mentioned diet.  My husband has a very poor diet.  Can you give me more information?  Can changing his eating habits help him?  He's so angry and the slightest little thing sets him off.  We have three small kids and his anger is hurting all of us.  I feel so helpless and alone. . .

    • hardlife
      Jul. 06, 2010

      Finally having found this website, I realize that my husband has shown all these symptoms (getting angry for no reason, blaming, insults, sarcasm, slamming doors), and I thought it was just me, because I wasn't a good enough wife. I cry a lot and our three children are used to the explosive atmosphere, but our religion says that separation and divorce are wrong....

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Finally having found this website, I realize that my husband has shown all these symptoms (getting angry for no reason, blaming, insults, sarcasm, slamming doors), and I thought it was just me, because I wasn't a good enough wife. I cry a lot and our three children are used to the explosive atmosphere, but our religion says that separation and divorce are wrong. I was interested to hear about diet change, because my husband often eats sugary food when he's feeling bad (and jokes that it's self-medication) but he refuses to see a doctor and will certainly not take any drugs for his condition. I want to separate just to have some peace. I am on anti-depressants because I get so low with our stressful life, 3 small children and his intense behavior (though he would never admit that his behavior had anything to do with my feelings). We have been to lots of counselling. He is very good with words and manages to talk in such a way that it seems like he has it all under control, and that he's dealing with a problematic and over-emotional wife. I have been to the doctor lots and he says that the problem isn't mine and that I shouldn't need any further medicine. Anyway, tell me what you decide to do. I am so relieved to find other people out there with similar issues.

    • JenniferCecelia
      Sep. 30, 2010

      EVERYONE HERE! Secretly record him/her.. get a tiny one from a spy shop and when they start acting crazy with you or making you cry, hit record in your pocket or something make sure it does not have a light on it and does not make any noise and will record for a while like 50 min to an hour or something....

    • Dixielee
      Apr. 06, 2013

      WOW.. Its amazing how many men can treat their wonderful women like shit because they are in a bad mood. My husband will RUIN anything he can just because he gets a bug. Seriously the whole yelling, screaming, slamming, stomping, trowing, or a big one.. hitting stuff off the table or punching holes in our walls... REAL INMATURE. Its rough because I know its...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      WOW.. Its amazing how many men can treat their wonderful women like shit because they are in a bad mood. My husband will RUIN anything he can just because he gets a bug. Seriously the whole yelling, screaming, slamming, stomping, trowing, or a big one.. hitting stuff off the table or punching holes in our walls... REAL INMATURE. Its rough because I know its his BP, but I cant keep living in terror for myself and our kids. I hate it when "I" feel scared and depressed because of his "moods". I am usually a happy upbeat person and now I drag my head down and I dont make much eye contact. I rarely smile and I now notice myself blaming my kids for upsetting him. Its so stupid and I cant handle this. I have discussed seeing a psychiotrist with him and he said he doesnt have a problem, hes just stressed... But he wont take meds anyways. He said hes not living zombiefied or in a zone his whole life... Seems like were all feeling sorry for our men who make us feel bad, instead of picking ourselves up and getting rid of the cause... Its hard yes, but we cant do this to ourselves ladies!!

    • Confuse
      Dec. 23, 2011
      Perhaps I'm you after 20 years...I have a 20 years old son ,and two daughters:18 & 15. I was always worry about the effect of my husbands bad temper on my kids,specially on my son with whom he never had time to play or listen to him. The only thing we heard and hear from him are criticism. I think that thanks to my efforts,love,positivism my kids today are...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Perhaps I'm you after 20 years...I have a 20 years old son ,and two daughters:18 & 15. I was always worry about the effect of my husbands bad temper on my kids,specially on my son with whom he never had time to play or listen to him. The only thing we heard and hear from him are criticism. I think that thanks to my efforts,love,positivism my kids today are in someway like me & not like their dad. Look,right now I'm lying on my dAughter's Bed 'cuz he is on his holidays and I'm running Away from his bad mood:telling me why i do t send my mom to my brother's house,why this&that. I have turn into a very anxious person beca use living with him is like living in the jungle,You never know when the beast in him Will come out I have a heart problem that i relate to this mad marriage. What Am I teaching to my children? To have compasión or to not have respect for themselves? I would have left him many years ago but cuz religiuos ideas and thinking Nthat it was worst leaving my kids with out father . Everyday I want to divorce and everyday i don't do it: I Will have money ,retirement and insurance problems; alone at my age (around 50),my kids don't like divorce, most of all, I always feel pitty for him and I end forgiving him (and any other person). Your young and if You have health,strength to work hArd to come Back home with a smile to your kids and dont get into a sick relation Again (watch your kids from depredAtors) I recommend You to leave that arrogant, stu born,grumpy man.
  • almst burnd
    Sep. 05, 2007

     Yes, I had the same experience. I decided to take my ex/bf on a romantic get away weekend.

     

     So we went out of town. Thought a change of scenery would be nice. He works long hours and often brings his problems home with him. Sometimes he would vent for an hour at a time. I could never get a word in edgewise.

     

     Big idea of mine to "pamper...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

     Yes, I had the same experience. I decided to take my ex/bf on a romantic get away weekend.

     

     So we went out of town. Thought a change of scenery would be nice. He works long hours and often brings his problems home with him. Sometimes he would vent for an hour at a time. I could never get a word in edgewise.

     

     Big idea of mine to "pamper him"  Nice hotel, good food and hopefully great company (meaning me).

     

    What a disaster that weekend was. Since I wasn't familiar with the city I took my Garmin.  The thing talked too much for him, said it was irritating. I started to get flustered because he started yelling and screaming at me.  I now know that traffic and a change in scenery is one of his triggers.

     

    I finally found a resturant that I think he would like and he started cussing me out because i wasn't parking the car fast enough for him. Said my muttering was driving him insane.

     

     I was so upset that I didn't talk very much and the restuarant.

     

    When dinner was over and we got back to the hotel he started up again saying I didn't know how to park the car. I just got out and told him to drive.! He then proceeded to drive around and find a lottery machine. (he's a big gambler) which by the way he went down a one way street in the wrong direction. I wanted to laugh but i didn't.

     

     The next day when we came home, I couldn't get him out of the car fast enough that is how miserable the whole weekend was.

     

      So the point of my story is if you are going to be with your husband you need to learn and understand what his triggers are. If I had know them I wouldn't have taken my bf out of town and just saved my money and sanityl Movie and dinner would have been fine.

    • jayjo77144
      Jan. 27, 2009

      Hi,

      I have read your posting (it seems, it was from a couple of months ago) I am new to this internet site.  I have a story much like yours. In short my husband had a "fit" in the car while we were driving (at a vacation resort), with my sister driving behind us, he was driving like a fool, I got scared, he was screaming at me in the car, he slammed on...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi,

      I have read your posting (it seems, it was from a couple of months ago) I am new to this internet site.  I have a story much like yours. In short my husband had a "fit" in the car while we were driving (at a vacation resort), with my sister driving behind us, he was driving like a fool, I got scared, he was screaming at me in the car, he slammed on the brakes, I nervously, opened car door and he took off, left me on the road. Luckily, my sister was driving behind us and she picked me up. My husband had a fit went back to the resort and proceded to tell my Mom that he wasn't gonna put up with me anymore. Other than being present in the car I didn't provoke him in anyway.

      I had no idea at the time of his disease (BP). everything in your post is familiar to me.

      My husband is famous for "blaming" all kinds of people for what I believe could be resolved with medication and or counseling. I could tell 3-4 years worth of these exact stories but in the end it is the same. Bi-polar not being treated. Take care, be well.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Jul. 30, 2009

      Same famililar story,

      My husband does not seem to be happy until he has reduced me to tears, and than of course he asks why cant we just get along.

      Now I'm the one on Meds.

      I cant even get him to take an asprin, mood altering drugs would be completely out of the question!

       

    • Anonymous
      Stressed
      Feb. 03, 2010

      I'm currently living that same situation. At this very moment I am spending the night on a baby bed in our guest bedroom while he's casually watching (my) TV in our bedroom(on my bed) because he did the whole sarcastic,pick a fight, put down, name calling, blaming,threatening etc. thing because I asked him if we could watch a certain channel...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      I'm currently living that same situation. At this very moment I am spending the night on a baby bed in our guest bedroom while he's casually watching (my) TV in our bedroom(on my bed) because he did the whole sarcastic,pick a fight, put down, name calling, blaming,threatening etc. thing because I asked him if we could watch a certain channel on TV after his show was over. I, in tears, ended up taking my pillow and purse, because it has my chapstick/phone/iPod in it, and going to the guest room. And as Im walking out the bedroom door he's saying "oh, so your leaving now huh? fine, go, you probably have another boyfriend. (he knows I dont)Get outa here then and dont come back. I was gonna let you watch your show, but you had to bitch at me like you always do, Im so sick of it" etc. Every one of those statements is outragous and uncalled for. So now my tears are more, my jaw is dropped, my heads even more confused, and my heart is starting to hurt.......I started to explain that i wasnt taking my purse to leave, but because I needed the things in it, but it wouldntve done any good and even if it had, I didnt need to explain myself. I ended up curled up on a little baby bed sobbing, hoping he would swallow his pride and come apologize and take me to bed, but it never happened which made me cry even harder. I know he heard me crying too. This is the 3rd time this had happened this month and I cant keep going this way, but Im hesitant to leave because if I do Im not coming back. Besides, he hasnt always been this way. I just dont know what to do anymore. He wont go to the doctor for any reason, or take meds, so I know he wont do it for this. Im so stressed out and hurt. Whats a girl to do?  

    • Anonymous
      mommy23angels2010
      Sep. 23, 2010

      Hello I am going throught the exact very same thing except my husband is going to counseling and is on like 4 meds and is trying to get help. I just wonder how long it is going to take. I have hurt for two years before I got someone to listen to me and try to help him and still I am not sure if he is getting the correct help or not. I love him but i despise...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hello I am going throught the exact very same thing except my husband is going to counseling and is on like 4 meds and is trying to get help. I just wonder how long it is going to take. I have hurt for two years before I got someone to listen to me and try to help him and still I am not sure if he is getting the correct help or not. I love him but i despise the situation we are in. One minute he says he loves me and the next he is saying that meeting me ruined his life. I have tried to do everything possible to please him and make him happy and now I am seeing after wasting all this time it was for nothing and I have missed out on opportunities because I wanted him to love me and want me. I am trying to be patient and supportive because I know bipolar is a big thing to have to deal with all the time. I myself is on depression meds. I think I am going to have to go back on the ones I was on a few months ago. My husband throws me out of the bedroom threatens to have an affair with another woman. He even says that he dont want to have sex with me because I dont do things he likes. He is into asphyxiation and that can be very dangerous. When he and I talk about sex he gets very angry. I think maybe that is one of his triggers. He has always said he didnt like sex and it was gross. Now he watches porn and masturbates and says that he can do all that I can with his hand in less time and effort. So with that being said he and I are sleeping in seperate rooms from time to time. I am confused hurt depressed. I feel worthless helpless empty lonely ugly all the bad feelings one can feel in a situation like this. I mean what is the point. I dont know what to do my email is mrswooden2009@yahoo.com please email me with any suggestions as to how to handle this or deal with the situation.

    • JenniferCecelia
      Sep. 30, 2010

      OMG Why the hell are you putting yourself through dating someone like THAT? They would be out of my life in a snap of "We are through" as soon as getting home from that trip and would not back down from doing so. - Jennifer, 20, Female My boyfriend does not treat me with such disrespect! We treat each other with even respect.

       

      My brother is not 18 yet...

      RHMLucky777

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      OMG Why the hell are you putting yourself through dating someone like THAT? They would be out of my life in a snap of "We are through" as soon as getting home from that trip and would not back down from doing so. - Jennifer, 20, Female My boyfriend does not treat me with such disrespect! We treat each other with even respect.

       

      My brother is not 18 yet and I so want him sent to a fricken bakeract and other place he has serious anger problems and he reminds me of a spolied brat (but he is not spoiled). Honestly, something is definetely wrong. Your boyfriend from your trip needs a full time Psychologist, a brain map through Neurofeedback, and possibly medication.

    • Anonymous
      Rochelle
      Feb. 01, 2014

      My husband does get very angry if he work to many hours at work, then he comes home and takes it out on me! i stay at home with our 1yr old son and a son from a previous marriage, and my daughter stays with her dad because she doesn't get along with my new husband! When he comes home mad , i try to listen to him , when he needs to vent! i know it is not about...

      RHMLucky777

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      My husband does get very angry if he work to many hours at work, then he comes home and takes it out on me! i stay at home with our 1yr old son and a son from a previous marriage, and my daughter stays with her dad because she doesn't get along with my new husband! When he comes home mad , i try to listen to him , when he needs to vent! i know it is not about me! We go to church and have the father there chat with us, it calms him down for a little bit , but then we are back to him yelling at me! i don't know what to do?