My girlfriend has BP, and many of the things that we both know will help her are the very things she has the hardest time doing, or doesn't do at all. It's like a feedback loop, she feels even worse because she's not doing the things which will help her feel better. She spends most of the time inactive and isolated which of course only feeds the depression but if i suggest something it's usually met with "I can't" or an endless supply of reasons she always has. It's very frustrating when someone refuses the very things they need to enjoy life. How can I help her to do what she needs to do to help her feel better about herself ?
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Q: Caregiver needs help, my partner won't do the things she needs to do to get better.
Answers (2)
10/30/09 3:51am
Hi, Darryl. Kilo's given you a very good answer here. I realize how frustrating this is for you. You know what she needs to do, as does she, and she won't do it. This, unfortunately, is the reality of the depression end of bipolar, which is no doubt a lot different to the state she was in when you met her.
If I can offer a glimmer of hope, people with bipolar tend to cycle out of their depressions (as well as cycle back in). It may be that you can put up with these downtimes, especially if you know they are merely temporary, like the seasons. But you don't have to feel guilty if this is too much for you. At some point, you are going to have to think of yourself. I may have bipolar, but that doesn't entitle me to special privileges in a relationship. A bit of lattitude, perhaps, but that is no more than what we all ask.
You are obviously very compassionate and understanding. You care about your girlfriend. I sincerely hope things work out for the two of you.
10/25/09 9:29pm
You can't. Seriously, you cannot.
As a carer, you will hear this a million times, but trust me, it's true: You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Or, maybe she's said she wants to be better? Well, words and actions are two very different things - she needs to start showing you that she is making an effort, and then yes, you can be there to support her, but at the end of the day, you are not responsible for making any of that happen - she is.
She needs a good GP, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. She needs to open the damn curtains and let some sunshine in, and eat properly, and get some exercise. I understand that the depression side of things can make all of these things difficult, but you can't give her vitamin D injections, or force-feed her fruit, or make her talk to doctors when she doesn't want to. It just won't happen.
I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, it's just that it's the truth. I tried for a while to 'help' my BP boyfriend, with no results, and looking back, I can see now that it's because he wasn't willing to put the effort in himself.
Please don't misunderstand - I am not saying you should leave her to her own devices. By all means show your love and support - it's just that at the end of the day, the things you both know she needs to be doing, are just that - things SHE needs to be doing.
Good luck with everything, it is not an easy path to go down. You sound like a very caring person and I hope your girlfriend is able to see that. 
Cheers,
K
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