John, I hope that you read this.  Why am I doing better now than most?  When I was on Lithium I kept spinning out of control.  My husband was a truck driver and always gone.  Before that he was in the military, and always gone.

My children were gone...boys didn't want anything to do with me.  (If you've read my past posts you'd understand)

Then my doctor took me off Lithium, and put me on Trileptal and Seroquel.  It took a few months, but things started changing.  Was it because Lithium worked as a Salt?  Where  Trileptal  and Seroquel are in the Anti-psychotic family?  Was I more psychotic with bipolar tagging along?

Is it because I work on bettering my life?  Reading everything that I find.  Not relying on just med's?  Because I know that everyone on here is doing the same for them selves.

Is it because my husband finally retired and is home now?  Is it because my Doctor and I finally found the right med's that work?

I no longer want to kill myself..unless things really come crashing down.  I no longer want to hide in that dark place with all the voices.  Or get in the car, wanting to crash into the closes embankment.  I very seldom cut any more.  Or pull hair out of my head.

I feel guilty that my life has changed so much.  I feel quilty after reading how so many people continue to struggle with their symptoms.  That they can't find the right med's.  That they suffer so many side effects.

After reading others post, I recall everything I felt and went through and feel the need to share them.  But am I helping or hurting others by doing this?

I am still not completely symptom free, and don't figure I ever will.  Everything pokes it's ugly head up some days, but they are brief.  Most of the time I am able to catch them on my own, and stop them in their tracks.

I just don't understand why I am doing better than most!!  I wish I knew my secret.  So that I could share it with others.  I was always under the misconception that bipolar COULD be controlled.  But after finding this website, I found out how wrong I was.

I love this site, and feel the need to share.  Sometimes I think I share to much.  But talking with people who are going through everything I am, or have, lets me know I am not alone.