Please advise as I am going out of my mind about this one. Sounds crazy, I have a decent education and so on, however a recent event has tossed my world.I am new to living in Hawaii, 50 y/o divorced, recently I met a beautiful Chinese woman, we hit it off great and had a whirlwind romance for a month, she stayed with me for the most part. She made me feel great, sex was fantastic, and she did everything for me. For me it was the most infatuation I ever experienced. I felt like it was real love. Last week we were discussing things and the topic of marriage came up, I did not make any commitments, just listened to her plans for us. Then she got on the bird and flew away to Hong Kong, a family member as sick, yeah. I have not heard from her since, phone is turned off. I have been around a lot, met many women from Thailand the Phills, Turkey and more, I can detect a Green Card digger. But this seemed so real and she was so exuberant, loving and excitable at the same time. She always talked excitedly, laughed, smiled, joked and was extremely affectionate. Now I am left wondering what happened, simple logic tells me a guy who is not bad looking (50 her 41) good income and lifestyle would be desirable and worth trying for. To just suddenly disappear like that bewilders me., we never had a disagreement. Would a gold digger disappear like that, or could it be bipolar? Could my non-commitment been a trigger to set her off? Thanks
Q: She left without even saying goodbye, could it be BP?
Hi, Daveiz. I can well understand your perplexion and your concern. Where the heart and the brain are concerned, both are mysteries. Often, in terms of gender and diagnosis, we occupy different worlds. Understanding and being understood are endemic when worlds intersect.
What you describe is both typical of the early stages of romance and bipolar. Often, when I try to describe to individuals what mild mania is like, I ask them to recall what it was like being madly in love.
Funny thing, though, when relationships begin to enter a new phase it's frightening how quickly emotions can change, though too often in our state of infatuation we fail to see it coming. Trust me, I'm speaking from a long track record of personal experience on this - and I'm sure this is fairly universal.
So, maybe she was in a state of mild mania and came back down to earth. Maybe her feelings for you changed when the relationship started to enter a new phase. Maybe she couldn't bring herself to tell you personally - and yes, fleeing on you like this is cowardly, whether bipolar or fallen out of love.
So, even though there is no answer to this, in your state of grief and bewilderment it is perfectly normal for you to keep wondering, to keep replaying things in your mind. Over time, your mind will settle down and allow you to let go. In the meantime, I'm sure everyone reading this identifies with your pain.
That does sound like BP behavior (all of it) but who's to know if she is BP. My husband is BP2 (just diagnosed earlier this year) but looking back I can now see so so so much of BP episodes in our lives some good things and others horrible. I hope you get the answers you're looking for, but I would be cautious if you get back into a relationship with this women and make sure you know what you're getting into. Good Luck!!
Roni
Dave,
If this was a BP episode, she may not be contacting you now but don't be surprised if she doesn't contact you in the near future. But if she was just a "gold digger" she may have moved on to find another victim? Sometimes in life we just have to chalk things up to experience and move on without analazing it too much. Take Care! Roni
Hi daveiz...but I don't hear anything in what you said to be Bipolar. What it does sound like is someone looking for more and you not offering. Which is a smart move in my book, never let someone push you into something your not ready for.
I have Bipolar1, so I think I know what I am speaking of, been living with it all my life (I"m 53, and I have been married 32 years). So if all she did was pick up and leave...doesn't sound like Bipolar. Unforunately Bipolar is getting a bad rap suddenly. Everyone is ready to point their finger at someone who has, or they think they have it.
Sorry that she up and left you, maybe someone in her family actually did pass away. Perhaps you'll never know, but better to learn it now than later right?
But please don't assume just because she did this, that she's Bipolar. Don't put a label on us that do have Bipolar. Ninetynine percent of us work very hard to live a very none Bipolar life, with taking meds and staying on top of our behavior.
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Roni thanks for your reply, I dont think there is any concern of getting back into this relationship as I have no contact with her. I think flighty women like that just move on to the next victim whenever manic phase kicks in again. It does bring me consolation that I probably was dealing with an intractable condition, and nothing I can blame myself for except a lack in judgment. Probably I am blessed that she left sooner than later before her drama could inflict further damage into my life.
Dave