Monday, April 20, 2009 cajunwmn asks

Q: Dating a person that meds need to be restabilized

I am newly dating/friends with an individual that is diagnosed w/Rapid-Cycling Bipolar d/o many years ago. It was disclosed to me the second date and I feel "everyone has something". There are also a few addictions intertwined that are "sustaining works in progress" and doing exceptional for years (ex: alcoholism (AA), eating d/o, gambling addiction). In the past month stating "I need to get to the hospital because my meds aren't working right". During this time I noticed a mild manic episode (with some shopping/purchases included) and the past two weeks, depression - listless, sleeping most of the day and night, only wanting to eat sweets/junk food, etc. I visited the hospital yesterday and no new meds yet but looks like the little shining light is dimmer than it has ever been - if that makes any sense.

My question is three-fold. First, I really like this person alot, we have fun, compatible, very at ease w/each other, seem to balance each other personaliy wise, strong attraction - then I get the feelings of being put-off every once in a while - when I have addressed it I was told that its not me at all but the bipolar mind. I'm concerned how will it be/what I'm (I hate to say it this way, please don't judge me on this I'm only being honest) in store for? Second, is it uncommon for meds not to work for a period of time/what could cause that? Third, has anyone had any success with particular psychotherapies/treatment that work with rapid-cycling type bipolar?

Thank you

Answers (1)

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John McManamy

4/23/09 7:12pm

Hi, cajunwmn. Even with a person who only has bipolar, you are taking on an awful lot. And here we are talking bipolar plus a range of addictions. Be warned: This may be way more than you asked for.

Early dating is what a friend of mine calls "the romantic idiot phase." And you probably met this person when everything was humming along just fine, when he was mildly manic -sociable, funny, energetic, etc.

Well, as you can see, that's not the way things will always be. So it's time to assess things with the rose-colored glasses off.

I've met a number of people with co-occuring bipolar and addictions who have enjoyed long-term loving relationships. So I'm not saying give up on the person. But you need to take a realistic look at what you are getting yourself into. You need to be aware of the huge downside, and this includes the potential for abuse.

Between the bipolar and the addictions, there is way too much potential for outrageous behavior here - not to mention the tendency for him to justify this behavior and thus make life hell for you, which sets up the abuse.

So here's another thing to look at: If you come from an abused background, you are likely to seek out what you know. It takes a lot of work to break the cycle, so if this applies to you I would suggest seeking out a therapist.

I wish I could be more upbeat. Sticking with this individual may be the best choice you ever made - I'm simply asking that you make that choice very carefully. Hope this helps.

Q: Dating a person that meds need to be restabilized

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