Ex boyfriend diagnosed with BPD now wants friendship
Hey, there. I was formerly in a relationship with a man diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He is in therapy, on meds, and in a new relationship. He has recently contacted me in email, saying he wants to be back in touch... just to keep up with what is going on in each other's lives. I have had people warn me against this. I'm not sure what I'm asking, I know everyone is different who is diagnosed with BPD. Is this a 'be careful' situation? I am friends with some ex boyfriends... it can be a nice thing.... I guess I just don't know if he's in a manic state... and it's not like I can say, 'hey, i'll be your friend but I have to make sure that you're not acting out or in a manic phase'..... anyone want to throw in some thoughts? thanks.
I read the title of your question and immediately thought "danger zone", but that is probably applying the question to my own life wherein my ex is not doing all those 'right' things that yours is (ie therapy, meds etc).
Though things have been rocky since we broke up, I have tried to 'be there' for my ex, in a friendship kinda way, but it was recently thrown back in my face somewhat and I've since passed the baton onto his parents, who pretty much had no idea of what has been going on.
I would say this - if your ex is taking responsibility for himself, has a support network outside of the friendship that he would have with you, and most importantly, if being friends isn't going to be too hard on you, then by all means try it out, see what happens. I wouldn't be so concerned about the 'omg is he manic and that's why he wants to talk to me?' thing, if that turns out to be the case, and you're ok with having tried, it won't matter much in the end. Besides which, who can really know people's motivation anyway (whether or not they have a mental illness)?
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GirlfriendofBP
Sunday, October 18, 2009 at 11:21 PM
Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my question, I'm glad the title flagged your interest. Your answer is really smart and makes total sense to me. And you are so right about never knowing anyone's motivation. :)
A side note, my ex is on meds and in therapy under orders of the US Army, in which he is still enlisted until he either blows it, or retires in a year or so, after that, all bets are off.
I'm sorry that your ex is not doing well at this point, it is great that you tried to be there for him yet knew when to pass the baton to family members, I know how emotionally exhausting it is for everyone involved in such situations, nuff said.
It took me a long time to extricate myself from this relationship, but I am no longer under the love spell, and do feel like I can handle a light friendship. We'll see how it goes.
Again, thanks for your articulate thoughtful note... I wish you the best as you move on, your karma and smarts should lead you to a healthy new love relationship... and here's hoping that your friend finds his way to treatment.