my husband is 48 comes from a sexually abused family his father died in prisin and his family has always hated me .He stepped out on me when i was in labor with my oldest son now 25.he lied to me for years and always told people that i was the bad one. but over thre yers he pursed other women always worked second shift jobs and just plain refused his fatherly duties. he was diagnosed at the age of 48 about 9 months ago .and he continues to be controling doesnt like me to have my own friends let alone other male friends.but he refuses to stop seeing his friends .he flirts with a 27 yr old stripper and hangs out with a meth crowd .i have left him again for the third time, i can not take the daily lies and how everything that i have done is far worse than what he has done . i was faithful to him for 23 years.and decided after i was severly beat by him that it was time to leave.that only made it worse. after leaving him to run the finances i have lost everything that we have ever worked for. all my stuff he let get reposed while all his he kept . i cant take any more of the lies and deciet.Am I the terrrible person that he says i am> i also strongly believ that he or his brother sexually molested our boys when they were little and stongly think that his brother molested my 5 year old grandaught when she was around 2 wich is about the same age my children were. am i wrong for believing this colud be ?
Q: Am I the Bad Person?
Hi, Never. I am always amazed by people who have remained in abusive relationships for years and decades. Clearly you need to get out of the situation, but it is very important that you work on your own issues of low self-worth. My guess is that you feel you are not worthy of a decent life and being treated with respect. If you don't come to grips with these issues, you will only set yourself up for more abuse. This is something you can't handle alone. You are going to need counseling and support. You deserve a better life. Please do not hesitate to get help.
My advice would be to get out of this relationship ASAP!!! I would get legal help and also counseling for your children/grandchildren to see exactly what has happened with them. It sounds like he may have other problems than bipolar. You should not have to put up with any of this and it is putting your children in a dangerous and unstable envirorment, and your children should come first. I am bipolar and was sexually abused as a child, so I know a lot about how this all feels. But I would definitely seek a lawyer, and if you can't afford one, there are lots of great organizations out there for free legal help. Look at local universities' legal clinics and into Catholic charities. I am really concerned for you and your children. Please get help now. I wish you the best of luck.
No I don't think you were wrong to keep friends out. He and they are playing mind games with you. I know how that can be in a relationship because I have been in plenty of bad and abusive relationships. It just makes things worse and they don't know what you have to live with and what you have witnessed and put up with. They all sound like they have problems themselves! It sounds like your life is out of control. If it was me, I think I would look into how to get him committed. I'm not real sure about how to do this. You could look into hospital resources, talk to your primary care doctor if you have one, ask a lawyer (but that may be expensive), and there has to be community mental health resources. A lot of hospitals have psych wards, so I would start there and talk to someone for some advice on how to do it. Again I'm not sure, but I don't think they can hold someone for very long either, but if there is abuse with the kids going on, they may be able to hold him longer and get social services involved. I would even consider a restraining order if things are bad enough and you don't want him around. He sounds like he has abuse issues that need to be addressed. He definitely needs help. But I think this is a very dangerous situation for you and your kids. You can only take so much, and you deserve a lot better. And definitely get some counseling for you and your kids!
Are you a bad person? Absolutly not! We can only do so much. I stayed we my husband, did what i could to make the marriage work although all along I knew I should get out, but 20yrs ago it was for better or worse. But now im out, and im so much happier without him, my life is without cias... of course it comes with its own problems, divorce with kids etc.. but he's not in it. You need to do it for yourself... I dont know if i would of left if i didnt find out about the affairs but im so glad i did... Your life can be whole again without him.. I have guilt on how I could of helped him, but he never helped himself, we can only do so much....Dont walk run, this time for good.
I Thank you for you opinion and appreciate your time.I may not have handled things in the right manner but i handled them the only way I new how.I have Been gone for a month now and will be returning to get my things next week, not alone of course.I will be very hard for me, but I know that I have To let go and Let God now.and finally put a end to this part of my life.It is going to tear me up because this has been my life since i was 19 and now 45.I feel like my life has been a waste and that i was very Nieve.But with the help and support from my family I will get through this.I appreciate any support that you or any one else can giv me.I also have added a comment to this if you would like to check that out to. I asked him to let me commit him and he said that i was taking his fredom away .Because they lock him up forever.I have tried to tell him that I didnt want him to take his fredom from him.but that i wanted him to finaly be free.If he is as innocent as he says he is Why is he afraid of the people that can free him from his childhood?He is very furious with me for even thinking about that option.He is amd and very upset that i am talking to my family about his issues.He is the one who called my brother and told him that he was a cross dresser.And he really thinks that my family is not going to ask question..how can my family help me if they dont know the issues that are really at hand?? thanks again foe all the support and wisdom that all have given me
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I am Thankful That I have Found this site.we now have his friends in the middle of this and they are playing both sides.He still said that i was never there for him and that i am now jepordizing the freinds realtionship.They freely informed me of several things and now say that they never told me about the things that i asked my husband about.I left him alone until i talked to them and now the fighting and arguing is going on again.i want to have him commited and talked to them about that and they tell him that i never said anything.so i tried to call and ask what was going on they now hang up on me.the three of them are now having a meeting to straightn this out and he asked me to be there.so now its three against me.the wife of the other relation ship has an ex husband that is bi polar and sexually molested her kids as well as her mother sexually abused them with the x husband they now are in a relationship.could this all be because she wants revenge some how on what happen to her and her kids.She Just called me 3 hours later and said she lied to my husband about what we talked about.Why do people create more problems for others.WAS I WRONG TO PLEAD TO KEEP FRIENDS OUT IT?TO AVOID THE HE SAID SHE SAID CRAP THAT GOES WITH IT.They do not know the stuff we have been trhough and have not had sucessful marriage in the past.My husband will not understand that.