Hi, I am currently 30 years of age. When I was 21 I had my first panic attack. I don't know why it just came on. My mother was diagnosed as having major depression when I was really young and had some stays at the hospital. All most all of my relatives on my mother's side suffer from GAD and a couple are bipolar. From the time I was 21 to about 23 i just had bad anxiety at times, but it wouldn't interfere with my daily life for the most part. Then I had what I have called as cycles starting where I would get extremely agitated,highly anxious,couldn't sleep,couldn't concentrate,couldn't even shower or bath with worrying i was going to die. I was overly worried and anxious about nothing. This would go on for about a week or two weeks. Not hungry, not wanting to eat,couldn't sleep, in a constant state of absolute panic for days at a time. Eventually something good would happen to me or something and i would start feeling better. I have also dealt with depression issues. Usually something would trigger these cycles such as a friend dieing or me losing a job. I got married at 25 and had my little girl who is now four. I was fine as well as i remember at this time because I had so much going on. I had been married for only two and a half years and got a divorce. I was terrible to my wife. I was a little physically abusive but was terribly verbally abusive to her, even in front of my daughter. I had so much anomosity towards my wife. I would have violent outburst of anger and rage against her for literally nothing. I was very mean and aggressive against her. I did not want to do anything with my family because the way I felt was so bad i couldn't enjoy anything. I was either working or sleeping. She left me, who wouldn't. I was and still am for the most part very selfish and self-centered, only thinking of myself and not giving a care about other people, especially the ones closet to me. I want to be, but i'm just not able to. I have had two girlfriends since then whom one I treated just like my ex-wife and were verbally abusive to. She left me because I was so mean and said I was a mama's boy, which I am codependent on my mother. I want my spouses to be concerned with me and only me and pay me all the attention. I have had four jobs over the last two years and have moved to four different cities. I always ending up quitting b/c I feel like they are plotting against me or unhappy with my work, or they are going to fire me. I am an extremely hard worker and love what i do, but I always feel like somebody is picking on me or criticising me. I take critism very personal and it makes me feel unappreciated and depressed. So from then, I usually try to find another job to try to find happiness and think the grass is greener than the other side, which often it is not. I recently am out of a job all together b/c i made another bad move that didnt work out, so I'm unemployed and living back home with my parents. Which I hate, I hate them trying to run my life and hate them telling me what to do. I hate anybody trying to tell me what to do as a matter of fact. I don't think I rule the world by any means, but I do think I'm above some people and I am cocky. Recently I have had really bad anxiety and obsessive thoughts. About hurting myself and hurting my daughter or parents when they are with me. But they just seem like thoughts because they scare the hell out of me and make me anxious. Also, I am on this kick where I think i might be a sociopath/pscyhopath which drives me crazy with anxiety because I'm scared to death i'm one and I dont want to be one. I have thoughts like I'm losing my mind or am going crazy. I am terrified of having to go to the hospital although Ive never been or had to go. I scream out alot at my parents, i hit things, i throw things, i cuss uncontrollaby at times. And then I breakdown and cry all the time, once or twice a day on a consistent basis which makes me feel a little better. I lie alot, I wouldnt say i was incapable of telling the truth but I do lie alot to get what I want or get a job I want. I just want to get better. I went to my local mental health dept today and the clinician told me she was 95% sure i have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, but she would have to wait next week for my doctor to confirm that, but she was pretty sure he would say the same thing. I just need some help here? Would that be a fair diagnosis? Am i ever going to get any better? What is wrong with me? Can i be helped?Please answer somebody