Thursday, June 04, 2009 peanut asks

Q: Im not sure if i really have bipolar disorder

I am in a rollercoaster of a marriage and when my husband and I argue I lock myself in a room avoid everybody and isolate myself....i sometimes miss work....sometimes wont eat or shower at times....my husband says he cannot handle my disease anymore....and calls me names like freak....I have not been diagnosed by a Dr. but im not sure I have this condition...I used to become so angry and physically abuse him and call him every name in the book....but now I learn to control it ....I think thats why I lock myself in the room so I will avoid wanting to hit him....but when he continues to call me names like that I want to strike him!!! I was physically and verbally abused in a past marriage as well....we have been married about 6 years and I so want to call it quits!!! My daughter is 17 she has been ill since 13 with valley fever and now she has been diagnosed with 2 autoimmune deficientcies....not to mention I have my own health issues....but she has been in and out of home study programs because of her illnesses... my husband says he is being supportive but I don't think he is!!! There are times I spend money just to make myself feel better and take off out of town to spite my husband....especially when he starts to complain about money and says no he doesnt want to go out of town !!! He has hurt me before by engaging in pornography on the computer....I have caught him doing it. I becamed unglued and lost trust in him. As a result I have treated him badly and lost a lot of trust in him.

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Answers (3)

John McManamy, Health Guide

6/ 5/09 3:31pm

Hi, Peanut. Let's forget about bipolar for the time being. What you are describing is an extremely stressful living situation in which you and your husband are at constant loggerheads and in which you have major problems in controlling your emotions, which is compounded by your daughter's medical condition.

So how do you sort all that out? There are no easy answers, here, but it seems apparent that you and your husband need to work together on eliminating all the obvious stressors in your household environment. Since it appears that the two of you are not the type to have quiet talks, it would be helpful to see a counselor together.

As for your situation - it is commendable that you have learned to control your outbursts, but the fact that you have to retreat to your room in a rage indicates you have a long way to go. This is no bad reflection on you. That's why we seek help -because we are not built to go it alone.

Now to the bipolar. This may or may not be the cause of your emotions. But a mood stabilizer may slow your mind down just enough to allow you to take control. Please keep that in mind as a possibility.

As to your husband's porn: There is a whole spectrum of porn, as well as a variety of contexts. What you have to decide is whether your husband's activities amount to a misdemeanor that you can put up with or a felony that crosses all lines. If it falls under misdemeanor, then you may want to opt for not making an issue of it.

peanut

6/ 6/09 3:52am

husb

Thanks for your response, my husband and I have been through numerous counceling....church programs...free counceling with a church priest...I have had bouts of mood swings even before he was in the picture. A year after we were married he was ordered to pay 2000 in child support for a year and then after his son turned 18 it dropped down to 1200....as a result it has ruined our marriage badly.....He is a saver I am a spender...I was a single mother of two prior to marrying him struggling to pay a mortgage,and car payment working two and three jobs at a time so there was no money left this went on for about 8 years ...my husband is paranoid about money recently we had to file bankruptcy and are having our mortgage modified...he has taken large amounts out of our account and hides cash in our home without telling me and accuses me of spending every penny!! When I find it I become furious and feel like he is treating me like a child and controlling me....this is what causes the screaming , name calling, physical abuse, slamming doors, threats, and you name it!!! We both take part in the drama...we have no healthy communication at all...We are currently in counceling now, and my

husband seems to think that it is helping...he lives in denial..that is what urkes me the most!!

Lamar

6/ 5/09 6:11am

I understand that i have had two failed marraiges both said they could not deal with my constant peronality changes.I am bipolar NOS and have been under treatment for years. but as you said mising work and poor job proformance leads to lost jobs and no insurance and forget government help.So i am no better now after 20 years than when i started.

If you have insurance see a doctor and get help,most people respond well to treatment.I just am not one of them.

Lamar

6/ 5/09 6:19am

P.s. pornography is something many men have a problem with.Even if he is happy it seems to be a way of escaping the normal patern of life.Both my former wives Cheated on me and it was always my fault as i go hot to cold without warning.Neither could understand that my sex drive is effected by my illness and like the rest of my life GOES UP AND DOWN without my control.

Q: Im not sure if i really have bipolar disorder

husb

husband seems to think that it is helping...he lives in denial..that is what urkes me the most!!

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