Roni,

First, let's take a step back and take the generalization that someone with bipolar is not to be trusted out of your question and discuss the individual, who is your husband and the situation you present.

This kind of situation happens all the time and has no borders of race, age, economic status, religion, etc., etc.  Hypersexuality is a symptom of bipolar disorder, which can exacerbate behaviors related to "pursuing" sexual relationships.  Though this does not mean your husband is experiencing this symptom.  

Everyone is responsible for themselves and their behavior.  Your husband is responsible for managing his disorder and then is responsible to address any symptoms, through medication, therapy, or coping skills.   Maybe he is not as adept as others and has not learned to manage his symptoms.  If this is so, he then needs to learn to identify them and take the appropriate action before behaviors become out of control.

You be the judge of whether this was illness related or not.  If it is, then he must learn skills to manage his symptoms and learn when he must seek professional help.  If he is already adept or not experiencing symptoms, then he is responsible. 

Trust is an issue you and your husband are going to have to work on.

Simple. Trust the person, not the disease. My soon to be ex was being pursued. His reaction was to allow her to call after 10 at night, and to tell her he wanted to leave me, knowing she wanted to sleep with him. I thought about it... a lot... and  realized, he found it morally ok to flirt with her at work, to participate in sexual banter, and to encourage her outside work interactions. He admitted it to me, but... it was not his disorder making him flirt... it was the fact that he enjoyed the woman.

You will know deep down, Did he LIKE the woman he pursued? In other words... was it the fun of the flirtation, or what he hoped to get out of the flirtation? And more importantly... are you ok with a husband that flirts with other women, on a regular basis? I am not... which led to the argument that ended it all. I am fine with that... divorce is better than being unhappy.

Roni

8/31/09 1:39pm

Thanks for all the replies, a lot has happened since I posted that question. I do trust my husband but not this disorder.  Since April my husband has been seeing a doctor and been diagnosed bipolar II, he's been taken the prescribed meds and seeing the dr once or twice a month since April.  He is learning to recognize the triggers and symptoms of his disorder.  He seems to be able to communicate better his feelings and that seems to really be helping.  I really do believe him when he says he doesn't know why he did what he did, I've learned a lot about this disorder in the past few months from reading, searching the internet and the support of an online spouses group.  I think as long as he continues to see the dr and continues with his treatment plan we'll make it!!