Wednesday, April 29, 2009 Kilo asks

Q: A common feeling among carers or my own silly issue?

As I've mentioned before, I live with my BP boyfriend. Last week sucked (to say the least) - valium OD, ambulance, hospital, home, cops, ambulance, hospital, home....

Anyway he has new medication (seroquel) now which seems to be kicking in and he appears to be much better, which is awesome. He seems quite positive again and things are pretty much back to normal.

But, therein lies a problem (well, I think that's where it is)... now I am feeling irritable/sad, and I think it's because things have gone back to normal and it's like nothing happened - for starters there has been no acknowledgement from him that I was a pretty damn good gf/carer last week (not that I did it for thanks, but geez he bought his colleagues chocolate for covering for him while he was unwell, y'know, and I haven't even got a "thanks honey, I know last week was hard for you too"...) and also he is drinking again and it's like ... I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm really happy that he's feeling well again, but the drinking thing - I just think if he goes back to the exact same behaviours, how can we avoid the exact same thing happening again? Plus the increased side effects when combining medication and alcohol, but I just can't make him see why it's an issue for me ....

Ugh it's really hard to explain. Does anyone possibly get where I'm coming from? I am starting to worry that I'm one of those messed up people who likes there to always be something to be wrong, I don't know....

I just wish that I was feeling ok - particularly because he is now - but I'm not. I'm scared that it will all happen again (I mean, I know it will eventually, but I'm talking like this week or whatever) - I barely coped last week. I'm feeling totally isolated generally and specifically a bit unloved/underappreciated by him.

Sorry for very poorly articulated rant. I'm so confused about how I'm feeling - oh!!!

- A
- A
- A

Answers (4)

John McManamy, Health Guide

4/30/09 10:32pm

Hi, Kilo. I hear you. Yes, this is a common feeling. No, this is not your own silly issue. Unfortunately, a lot of patients (not just bipolars or those with mental illness) seem to adopt an attitude that the whole world revolves around them. In the process, care givers like you become devalued as human beings.

What you need to decide is just how selfish your boyfriend is. If he's merely being stupid, these issues can be ironed out in the course of a series of conversations. If he really is terminally selfish, then the handwriting is on the wall. You deserve better than being stuck with a high-maintenance oaf who makes impossible demands on you.

In the meantime, as one who has bipolar, many many thanks for your understanding and concern and the sacrifices you have made. Believe me, there are many of us out there - bipolar or not - who appreciate someone like you. Have confidence - you're a great person.

purpleorchid

5/ 1/09 6:46pm

hi kilo!

i am bipolar as well and let me tell you i have given my husband 9 different kinds of h*ll over the past 10 years. and i COMPLETELY ruined my first marriage. That being said...you are a saint among saints for tolerating this behavior and doing your best to be a unselfish caregiver. I have acted the same way towards my husband and worse i ran him and our kids out of our home and cheated and spent all our cash and he was aggrivated to say the least. but he understands what i am and the blessing i have (we refuse to call it a disease or disorder). it took him a lot of time to understand how to reach me. but in your situation i think you have a lot to think about. you are a girlfriend. i agree with the words that maybe you should look into your heart and try to see this guy at his core. I am sure you love him but...is it worth it to you in the long run? Good luck

Kilo

5/ 2/09 7:20am

Thanks for your answers. I keep having moments of clarity where my brain tells me this is not the best situation for me to be in, but my heart has a bit of catching up to do, evidently! Still riding it out for the moment (giving the new meds a chance to kick in, as I keep telling him he should), and then once he's well, I'll try to take some time out for making choices for me. ... ha - I'm sure my psychologist gave a name to setting future timeframes on things I dont want to face now, lol. Might keep that little plan to myself in my next session!!! Cheers K.

alwaysthere

6/ 2/09 12:08am

i wish that i could provide more insight than im about to. but i also have a bp bf and i have noticed (and read on this site) that getting an apology at all is very difficult, i have accepted that mine just wont. and i too feel very unappreciated at times, (especially knowing that this is just. s. tough. for anyone to have to go through) i have thought about this a lot and for me, i have made my mind. You should ask yourself if it is worth it, that is a term too casually tossed around. really think about. i have decided that it is possible to live happily with a partner who suffers from bipolar. i believe that he is worth it and that a love like ours makes us so lucky to have found one another that having to deal with these problems are just the balance on thescales.

i know you can do it, but only if you want. there are people out there who could love you and take care of you without all of this, and they are good people. but you are a good person too. i just dont feel like having bp is a doom sentence for love.

Q: A common feeling among carers or my own silly issue?

Related Questions

Ask a Question