Hi Caron,

Oh my, a little over a year ago, I was in the exact same space as you, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to get him the help he neds.  The mood swings started with long cycles and the cycles became increasingly shorter and shorter sometimes down to mood swings that could happen in hours.  I didn't feel safe, I felt like nothing, I lost my self esteem, my kids lost their self esteem.  I have several questions on this site, today I posted an update, I'm sending it to you because this is where my path led me and although it was not my first choice, my happiness and that of my childrens' happiness was.  The whole sulking like a baby, pouting all sounds so familiar and not a place I ever want to go back to ... EVER.  NOW, we are happy and my kids are regaining their self esteem, I truly wish you much happiness, much strength and blessings.  You will find on this site, so many supportive people going through the same thing as you.  Look up my other questions i think they might help you.

Thanks everyone for all your support and answers, knowing that I am not alone in the world and what I have gone through and put my kids through was not my fault was a big obstacle to overcome.  My update is that I could not take it anymore or put myself and my children at risk.  He didnt' want help and I didn't want to live my life on eggshells and I wanted my kids happy.  I left him.  That was a year ago.  Although I still have to go to court to settle the financial piece (he wants a thousand a month in spousal support), my gains of happiness far outweigh the trauma that we have all endured.  Now, I have money for my mortgage, and for food, and to buy my kids new shoes, now I don't worry about what my day will be like because I am in charge of my happiness and not worrying about his.  Now .. I am back to being me and I am happy and I have a long road ahead to still understand why I let that happen for so long but at the end of the day I can go to sleep and I can know that I will wake up happy and so will my kids.  Good Luck to all. Be true to yourself first.

brokeninGeorgia

9/10/09 12:00pm

Wow!! You have given me hope in just reading the paragraphs that you have written. My husband lost his job about 8 months ago and then that is when i really started to notice all of his mood swings. At first i took all the blame because i wanted to know what our plan of action was regarding our financial future and i thought that i was pressuring him too much. We live in a $250,000 house and our salary was cut to only 30,000 a year, after bringing in 90,000+ in past years. He just kept saying to let it work itself out. I tried to be patient, but then the abuse started. Only mental, but it was enough to shake me to my core. He told me that he hated me, couldn't stand to be around me, etc. The only time he would be nice to me was when he wanted sex, and i fell for it several times just becuase of the closeness i felt with him while we were together for that short period of time. I have since ended that because he has refused to tell me that he loves me or even cares about me, so now i just feel defeated. He has completely shut me out emotionally and will barely look at me. He tells me that it is none of his business where he is when he is not home, and i should just tell our kids that he has "daddy reasons" for not being here. I have told him that if he thinks he needs help in dealing with all that has happened over the past few months that i want to be there for him, but he emphatically denies that he has any problems whatsoever and continues to mentally abuse me. He has all of the classic symptoms of being bipolar, the severe highs and lows, yelling for no reason, withdrawl from everything, only focused on trying to make himself happy, etc.  My name is on our mortgage or else i probably would have left already. I have asked him repeatedly to please refinance or sell the house so i can move on, but he refuses and just says the only thing he can focus on right now is his new job. Well, i cannot live like this any longer. I have decided that i will tell him tonight that it is quite obvious that he wants nothing to do with me or his kids so it is just time for everyone to move on. If he will not agree to sell the house or refinance, i will simply have to get my attorney to file paperwork. I do not want to abandon him, but if he will not admit to having any problems then i feel that this is my only choice. I can't force him to get help. Any advice that you could give me would be greatly appreciated. I am just broken at this point and hope that i can pick myself up and move on. I am just trying to stay strong for my girls right now (8 and 10) and pray that i am doing the right thing.

Hi Caron,

Oh my, a little over a year ago, I was in the exact same space as you, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to get him the help he neds.  The mood swings started with long cycles and the cycles became increasingly shorter and shorter sometimes down to mood swings that could happen in hours.  I didn't feel safe, I felt like nothing, I lost my self esteem, my kids lost their self esteem.  I have several questions on this site, today I posted an update, I'm sending it to you because this is where my path led me and although it was not my first choice, my happiness and that of my childrens' happiness was.  The whole sulking like a baby, pouting all sounds so familiar and not a place I ever want to go back to ... EVER.  NOW, we are happy and my kids are regaining their self esteem, I truly wish you much happiness, much strength and blessings.  You will find on this site, so many supportive people going through the same thing as you.  Look up my other questions i think they might help you.

Thanks everyone for all your support and answers, knowing that I am not alone in the world and what I have gone through and put my kids through was not my fault was a big obstacle to overcome.  My update is that I could not take it anymore or put myself and my children at risk.  He didnt' want help and I didn't want to live my life on eggshells and I wanted my kids happy.  I left him.  That was a year ago.  Although I still have to go to court to settle the financial piece (he wants a thousand a month in spousal support), my gains of happiness far outweigh the trauma that we have all endured.  Now, I have money for my mortgage, and for food, and to buy my kids new shoes, now I don't worry about what my day will be like because I am in charge of my happiness and not worrying about his.  Now .. I am back to being me and I am happy and I have a long road ahead to still understand why I let that happen for so long but at the end of the day I can go to sleep and I can know that I will wake up happy and so will my kids.  Good Luck to all. Be true to yourself first.