hello...i have been married for a whopping ten months.  my husband and i have been together for 3.5 years now and should still be in our "newlywed" phase...but instead i'm afraid he's considering divorce.  we've been seeing a counselor at his suggestion for a few months, but have only gone for a few sessions at this point.  we have ups and downs like everyone, i ask him for more attention, more passion, and he usually just says nothing he does can make me happy.  this is very untrue.  i love my husband.  he has not been himself for at least 2-3 months, he has been withdrawing into himself more and more, i know he's stressed out about his work (i think he's addicted to work at this point in his life, his blackberry gets more attention than i do and it's all he thinks/talks about lately), and i even see him losing interest in things he once enjoyed doing (like being with his or my family).  about 2 weeks ago, he tells me that maybe we got married too early and then a week later he said maybe he wasn't ready to get married (we are both 28).  i was totally devastated by this, because sure we've had problems, but i've never doubted my love for him or thought i was ready to give up and not work things out.  he has indulged himself in some selfish behavior lately, including lying to me about the cost of some man toy he wanted, because he knew i wouldn't let him spend that much money but he wanted it anyway, and even my parents say that he is just not "him" anymore.  his sister has told me that he's been on "extreme highs and extreme lows" for most of his life and i'm wondering why no one seems to think it's possible he may be dealing with bipolar disorder.  he broke up with me once before (before we were engaged) because he was so stressed out with work and school and his family and we were about to move in together, that his answer to the stress was to break up.  2 weeks later he was back, crying at my office for me to take him back.  and things drastically improved after that.  he has lately been putting himself at number one, and is not always very considerate of how i feel.  even if he is bipolar, which he has not been diagnosed with yet, no medicine is ever going to make him a more considerate person, right?  he also smokes weed every day and has since the day i met him, yet he's very successful with his work and holds a senior level position, so it's not like he sits around and gets stoned all day.  he smokes at night because he says otherwise he can't sleep.  he drinks a lot, too, but i don't think he realizes how often.  2 beers to him every day is no big deal, but of course he will go out from time to time and throw back shots like he's 21.  i'm saying this because i read somewhere that people with undiagnosed BPD often "self-medicate."  he's currently seeing a therapist because i talked to his sister who talked to his family, but i think they were more worried about the drinking and the weed than his "i don't know who i am or what i want" thing.  he left me once before and i knew that wasn't what he really wanted and i don't know if he's BP or not for sure, but i feel like it's the only explanation for the stranger that i've been living with.  he makes me very happy for the most part, but he also doesn't see that when i feel hurt or neglected, it makes me unhappy, which in turn affects our marriage.  i am at a loss and don't know how to deal with all of this...it's good that he's seeing someone, but i don't know if that's going to be enough at this point...

i should also say, he's never verbally abusive or goes into rages or anything like that.  even when we fight, he's pretty even tempered.  i don't think he's ever considered suicide, but he's pretty depressed and confused right now.

anyone have thoughts??