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Saturday, January 24, 2009 Siobhan, Community Member, asks

Q: Do Grandparents have rights to see their grandchildren. I have Bi Polar

My son and I were very close until he got married. ( he is 26)  Things started to go down hill at a slow pace, once he got married.  Once my Grandchild was born, I was only allowed to see him once a month when my daughter in law worked two shifts.  They lived 2.5 hours away.  I saw him once a month for six months.  Now he is 45 mins away and My son and I had a huge fight and I am not allowed to see my grandchild or my son.

 

Do I have legal rights to see him?  Even though I have Bi Polar and BPD.  My Daughter has Bi Polar and she lives in FL and has seen my Grandson more than me.  I also see signs that my son might have bi polar.  But never expressed that to him or anyone.  My Son lives with his in laws now.  He had to give up owning a home / his job / and had to go bankrupt because of moving back to our home state, because of his wife.  Because the wife wanted to go home, and he lives with his in laws now.

 

Everyone said let it go, he will be back in my life.  There is nothing I can do.  But I suffer with BPD and Bi Polar, I can't handle abandoment very well.  I miss my son terrible.  I am in therapy every week.  I take my meds faithfully and no one who knows me would ever guess I had mental issues. 

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Answers (3)
sonya, Community Member
1/27/09 8:50am

Undecided Dear Siobhan, I too suffer from mental illness and I am bipolar. My son is a young adult and I hope I have not damaged him in any way I did the best I could. From experience, and I just telling you my story, in KY a grandparent does have some rights I believe you have to go to court to get that visitation and they used to a support site here for grandparents maybe even on a website. I live in Louisville. If you have a computer check and see or you can go to the library and use theirs. You might call legal aide to get some help. That is very hurtful. My dear Mom, deceased now, had never seen 2 of grandkids. My sister and she made peace at her deathbed and I initiated that. I believe my sister has deep regret but I don't know. Mom used to cry about it and I didn't know what to do to help her but be there and love her just the way she was. Both my sisters and Mom have mental health issues. My sister and she at not spoken for about 15 yrs. I'm glad I forgave my sister. I hope you get to see your grandkids and I am sorry for you. I will keep you in my thoughts. It sounds like your son has so much going on he is just barely coping too. Maybe he his hurting about this we don't know. Maybe he is trying to cope with his wife's issues and keep the marriage going no matter how painful I do not know. But if he loved you once he loves you now I believe. If you believe in a higher power please ask to give protection and all your love to those grandkids. I will keep you in my thoughts. Please look to at the library for some books on this topic to read. Also, a group that has helped me is Recovery Inc every state has this. It is free and a group that will help you to be able to talk and explore ways to cope. Hang in there Honey. I mean that sincerely. Writing in a journal helps me and god knows I have bad days a lot. I hope this helped some. Sonya    

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eddieclem, Community Member
1/25/09 12:53am

I am also bipolar.For a lot of reasons when both my children were young,pretty well all we had was each other.For a lot of their childhoods I was very ill.That made us all the closer.I thought that we would always be close.Unfortunately for me the saying, a son is a son til he takes a wife and a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.

My daughter-in-law thinks that I am evil and as a result does not allow me to see my granddaughter and discourages him from talking to me.On the rare occasions that I get the chance to talk to him I can hear them in the background telling him what to say.Even I think about it rationally I realize that Mary probably finds me a threat because she thinks that I might interfere in their lives.That thought process is one that is furthest from the truth.I always had the opinion that it was my "job" to take care of them until they left home, then they had to make lives of their own. I did that. Do not subscribe to smother-love but must admit that I miss him terribly but am not going to make him choose between me or my daughter-in-law and granddaughter.I can only imagine what it is that he has to go through.Having so limited contact with him just tears my heart out.

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karalouise, Community Member
10/ 8/10 9:22pm

i live in florida and have a similar situation.  my son and grandsons mother are not married.  they lived in our home for a bit over a year....did everything for this girl and then baby born and slowly she just withdrew.  last time we saw grandson was thanksgiving 2009.  we are not permitted to even have a picture.  my son has to follow her lead or they(her parents) will take away car, and force him to leave for a bit........i know how you are feeling, i suffer everyday, have hbp, and now take double meds and also am in therapy.........how do you turn off the love of a grandchild........i have been told i will never see him, i am getting older and time gets away from us.  do you ever feel hopeless, i do a  lot of the time.  no one should have to suffer like this........she is punishing my husband because she hates me so.........why do people do this........all we want is to see him 1-2 times a year, have a picture, know our gifts are being recieved as they are given in love.........i am at my wits end and somedays just feel like ending it all.  good luck to you, but this is a game they play, as they know they have the upper hand, the grandchild..............

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Kurt G, Community Member
10/12/10 2:41am

looking for advice-

 

the day my son was born, my mother kissed him on his head. Now my girlfriend refuses to let her see him or says she will make her feel uncomfortable if she ever comes around. My mother apologized and said she didnt know she wasnt supposed to kiss him. Mother said, please let her know when it is ok for her to visit her grandson again and left it at that. I constantly argue with my girlfriend because I think it is wrong, mind you her family can kiss him anytime they want.

 

what should I do? 

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Kurt Gags, Community Member
10/12/10 2:43am

looking for advice-

 

the day my son was born, my mother kissed him on his head. Now my girlfriend refuses to let her see him or says she will make her feel uncomfortable if she ever comes around. My mother apologized and said she didnt know she wasnt supposed to kiss him. Mother said, please let her know when it is ok for her to visit her grandson again and left it at that. I constantly argue with my girlfriend because I think it is wrong, mind you her family can kiss him anytime they want.

 

what should I do? 

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colleen, Community Member
2/22/11 2:43pm

I have much sympathy for you.  I am divorced and my son is to my ex.  The divorce was 15 years ago and my son is now 34.  He is living with his girlfriend and her 9 yr old son to another man.  My son and the girlfriend (we will call Sandy) have gotten together one year ago when he got released from a halfway house.  Anyway, I got close to the Sandy's son (Tommy) and now I am not allowed to see him or my grandson who is almost 3 months old.  He is my only grandchild and it really hurts for my son to be so mean.  He has many issues from when he was young resulting from a very bitter divorce.  He has been addicted to narcotics for many years and in and out of jail. 

It's a very long story, but I need to know that I am not alone.  I would love to talk to others that have the same problem.

Thank you for listening.

 

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Elle, Community Member
4/26/12 1:39pm

I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF US WHO ARE BEING FORCED TO SUFFER NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE OR BE A PART OF OUR GRANDCHILDRENS LIVES!!! MY DAUGHTER WENT FROM MY EX HUSBANDS ABUSE INTO THE ARMS OF A VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC ABUSER!!! HE FORBIDSSSSSSSSSSSSS ME FROM SEEING THEIR 2 CHILDREN BECAUSE MY GRANDSON USED TO BEGGGGGGG TO LIVE WITH ME AND I WAS TRYING TO HELP MY DAUGHTER GET AWAY FROM HIM WITH HER CHILDREN. HE THREATENED TO "SHOOT" ME IF I EVER CAME AROUND TRYING TO SEE MY DAUGHTER OR GRANDCHILDREN!!! MY SON WHO MET HIS GIRLFRIEND WHEN HE WAS 17 AND THEY WERE BOTH IN AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL FOR THE SEVERELY EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED. MY SON WANTED ME AROUND THRU HER ENTIRE PREGNANCY AND I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGGGGG BUT KINDNESS TO THIS YOUNG WOMAN!!! WHEN MY GRANDSON WAS BORN SHE AS ALWAYS TURNED ON ME AND MADE UP SEVERE DAMAGING LIES TO TRY AND KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE BABY!!! I HAVE 0 CRIMINAL HISTORY AND 0 HISTORY OF ANYYY FORM OF CHILD ABUSE!!!! OUR CHILDREN ARE PUNISHING US AND ALLOWING THEIR PARTNERS TO CONTROL AND PUNISH US AND ALSO THEY DO NOT WANT US TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BEING GOOD SAFE PARENTS!!!! THEY ARE PUNISHING US BUT ALSO THEIR CHILDREN AND ARE BEING TOTALLY SELFISHHHHHHHHH TO DENY THEIR CHILDREN THE RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE OF A SAFE GRANDPARENT!!!!!!!!! I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGG WRONG BUT IF MY SON STANDS UP TO HIS GIRLFRIEND SHE MAKES IT COMPLETE "HELL" FOR HIM!!! ALSO MY EX  WHO IS A PEDOFILE IS INVOLVED IN KEEPING THE BABY AWAY FROM ME SO HE CAN PREY ON THE BABY JUST LIKE HE DID OUR OWN CHILDREN AS WELL AS MANY OTHERS!!!! THE MOM ALMOST NOOOOOO MATTER WHAT HAS ALL OF THE RIGHTS TO THE CHILD AND CAN DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS REGARDLESS AND THE COURTS WILL SUPPORT HER EVEN THO SHE HAS A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE AND SEVEREEEEEEEEEEE MENTAL ILLNESS!!!! THEY THE PARENTS ARE ABUSING THE BABY JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND ABUSES HER CHILDREN!!!! I HAVE TRYED EVERYTHINGGGGGG TO MAKE THINGS BETTER AND RIGHT BUT WITHOUT MILLIONS AS I SAID THE MOTHER HAS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THE RIGHTS NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF ABUSER SHE IS!!!! I AM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND I ALSO HAVE TO SAY THAT CPS CHILDRENS PROTECTIVE SERVICES ARE NOT HELPING THE CHILDREN!!! THEY HAVE A VERYYYYY BAD REPUTATION AND ARE CLEARLYYYY UNQUALIFIED AND UN-TRAINED, UNEDUCATED, UNDER-STAFFED, AND MOST BECOME THE ROBOTS OF THE GOVERNMENT VERY SOON SELLING OUR CHILDREN AND MAKING BILLIONS OFF OF OUR INNOCENT ABUSED LITTLE CHILDREN WHO HAVE NOBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TO FIGHT FOR THEM!!! PLEASE READ AND LOOK UP SENATOR NANCY SHAEFER AND BILL BOWEN THIS WILL GIVE YOU MUCH INSIGHT TO CPS I AM SICK WITH GRIEF TO SAY!!!! I HAVE CRYED SOOOOO MANY TEARS THAT I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE FLOODS!!!!! WISH I HAD SOME SENSIBLE ANSWERS FOR ALL OF US GOING THRU THIS "HELL"!!!!!!   ????????????? ELLE

Reply
Elle, Community Member
4/26/12 1:39pm

I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF US WHO ARE BEING FORCED TO SUFFER NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE OR BE A PART OF OUR GRANDCHILDRENS LIVES!!! MY DAUGHTER WENT FROM MY EX HUSBANDS ABUSE INTO THE ARMS OF A VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC ABUSER!!! HE FORBIDSSSSSSSSSSSSS ME FROM SEEING THEIR 2 CHILDREN BECAUSE MY GRANDSON USED TO BEGGGGGGG TO LIVE WITH ME AND I WAS TRYING TO HELP MY DAUGHTER GET AWAY FROM HIM WITH HER CHILDREN. HE THREATENED TO "SHOOT" ME IF I EVER CAME AROUND TRYING TO SEE MY DAUGHTER OR GRANDCHILDREN!!! MY SON WHO MET HIS GIRLFRIEND WHEN HE WAS 17 AND THEY WERE BOTH IN AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL FOR THE SEVERELY EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED. MY SON WANTED ME AROUND THRU HER ENTIRE PREGNANCY AND I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGGGGG BUT KINDNESS TO THIS YOUNG WOMAN!!! WHEN MY GRANDSON WAS BORN SHE AS ALWAYS TURNED ON ME AND MADE UP SEVERE DAMAGING LIES TO TRY AND KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE BABY!!! I HAVE 0 CRIMINAL HISTORY AND 0 HISTORY OF ANYYY FORM OF CHILD ABUSE!!!! OUR CHILDREN ARE PUNISHING US AND ALLOWING THEIR PARTNERS TO CONTROL AND PUNISH US AND ALSO THEY DO NOT WANT US TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BEING GOOD SAFE PARENTS!!!! THEY ARE PUNISHING US BUT ALSO THEIR CHILDREN AND ARE BEING TOTALLY SELFISHHHHHHHHH TO DENY THEIR CHILDREN THE RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE OF A SAFE GRANDPARENT!!!!!!!!! I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGG WRONG BUT IF MY SON STANDS UP TO HIS GIRLFRIEND SHE MAKES IT COMPLETE "HELL" FOR HIM!!! ALSO MY EX  WHO IS A PEDOFILE IS INVOLVED IN KEEPING THE BABY AWAY FROM ME SO HE CAN PREY ON THE BABY JUST LIKE HE DID OUR OWN CHILDREN AS WELL AS MANY OTHERS!!!! THE MOM ALMOST NOOOOOO MATTER WHAT HAS ALL OF THE RIGHTS TO THE CHILD AND CAN DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS REGARDLESS AND THE COURTS WILL SUPPORT HER EVEN THO SHE HAS A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE AND SEVEREEEEEEEEEEE MENTAL ILLNESS!!!! THEY THE PARENTS ARE ABUSING THE BABY JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND ABUSES HER CHILDREN!!!! I HAVE TRYED EVERYTHINGGGGGG TO MAKE THINGS BETTER AND RIGHT BUT WITHOUT MILLIONS AS I SAID THE MOTHER HAS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THE RIGHTS NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF ABUSER SHE IS!!!! I AM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND I ALSO HAVE TO SAY THAT CPS CHILDRENS PROTECTIVE SERVICES ARE NOT HELPING THE CHILDREN!!! THEY HAVE A VERYYYYY BAD REPUTATION AND ARE CLEARLYYYY UNQUALIFIED AND UN-TRAINED, UNEDUCATED, UNDER-STAFFED, AND MOST BECOME THE ROBOTS OF THE GOVERNMENT VERY SOON SELLING OUR CHILDREN AND MAKING BILLIONS OFF OF OUR INNOCENT ABUSED LITTLE CHILDREN WHO HAVE NOBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TO FIGHT FOR THEM!!! PLEASE READ AND LOOK UP SENATOR NANCY SHAEFER AND BILL BOWEN THIS WILL GIVE YOU MUCH INSIGHT TO CPS I AM SICK WITH GRIEF TO SAY!!!! I HAVE CRYED SOOOOO MANY TEARS THAT I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE FLOODS!!!!! WISH I HAD SOME SENSIBLE ANSWERS FOR ALL OF US GOING THRU THIS "HELL"!!!!!!   ????????????? ELLE

Reply
colleen, Community Member
4/26/12 3:44pm

Wow, Colleen,  My story is exactly like yours.  My son is 35 and right now in jail.  He got out of a halfway house 2 years ago, and had a son with his girlfriend who he lived with until this current jail stint.  The girlfriend has a 10 yr old son who I got close too, also.  My only grandchild is now almost 17 months.  For several months, my son forbid me to see any of them and his girlfriend went along with it. 

However, after meeting her parents and becoming close with them, things got a little better and I got to see the kids.  Now she is pregnant again with my son, who is in jail for I don't know how long.  (He is addicted to oxycodones for many years now.  In and out of jail.......

It sounds like you just told my story.  It's a very long one like yours.  Thank you for listening. 

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By Siobhan, Community Member— Last Modified: 04/26/12, First Published: 01/24/09