My brother was severely depressed on and off for 30 years, but now is pretty free of depression because of a new experimental device.  For the first time, he is living an apparently normal life, working a full-time job but still pretty anti-social. He comes across as shy, honest and funny unless he is crossed. His secret behavior is very irrational and destructive. He exhibits a classic paranoid personality + deceitfulness + malice toward me. His outburst are more frequent.  He gets extremely angry over petty things and goes into this ridiculous posturing routine like some big gorilla — hovering right over me or right in my face yelling, shaking with anger, clenching and unclenching his fists.

After there's a blowup, my brother calls me two days later and makes vague apologies in an emotionless voice. But he says nothing concrete to indicate what he's done or that he's really sorry about the hurt he's caused. When he's not mad at me, he acts very concerned and chummy like old times. This year I was diagnosed with lupus and I think about 50% of the cause is all the anger I've had to stuff down. 

Is this a continuation of depression or a new personality disorder besides the paranoid stuff? Should I cut off all ties and just count my losses? This is starting to obsess me. I'm a functional bipolar right now, but am starting to have multiple, daily mood swings and I can't concentrate on my work or sleep much.

When he's nice, he's very persuasive and charming and even sweet. I can't help but get my hopes up that he might stay that way. It's like dealing with a drug addict in a way. Is there a way to stay neutral and protect myself around  him? I do not want to have a relapse over this.

At my wit's end

Liz Thorton

Alabama