My husband and I married 11 years ago, and shortly after we married, he had his first major episode of bypolar and was hospitalized and diagnosed. Shortly after that we moved back towards his family (who was estranged from for many years). Just 1 short year later in 1999 he again had another episode and his mother and I took him to be admitted. At that point he was hospitalized for almost 30 days. Then in 2003 he had a MAJOR episode which resulted in police and handcuffs, and him being admitted against his will. We seperated in 2007-2009, and during that time we were able to talk and most of the time get along (until he got a new girlfriend who convinced him (with the help of his sister), that I was the problem all along). In April 2009 instead of getting divorced we decided to try it again because I do love him very much, just hate his actions. Only 3 days after moving back in with him he got intoxicated and started screaming at me, and left for hours. Since that time things are getting worse to the point where just last week I had to take our children out of the situation for a few days to allow him to calm down. Instead of calming down he got worse, breaking things, calling me nasty names, disowning his mother and myself, and finally attempting suicide. I had him admitted again, only this time he was charged with a DUI on top of it. He did what he needed to get out of the hospital, and came home last night. Right away our children started acting up and I said "just because your dad is home again doesn't mean you start acting up". That sent him off, and continued into today. Then he went to his counsellors and before returning home, went drinking yet again. Came home smelling of alcohol, finally I just couldn't take it, and explained I couldn't take it anymore. I feel so overwelmed, and his sister is totally convinced that I am the problem and he was doing so much better when we weren't together. I feel like I am taking all the blame for someone elses issues. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can feel better, and what to do?
Q: Living with a Rapid Cyle Bypolar....How do I stop blaming myself?
Hi, Hopeless. This has to b e a distressing situation for you. You are not to blame for your husband's behavior, so you don't need to burden yourself with guilt. But all have us have ways of unconsciously pushing the buttons of those close to us. My guess is that this is what your sister is observing. She may be tactless if she is blaming you, but she may also be observant if she is noticing in which situations your husband appears to be doing better. Hope this helps -
honestly, alot of bipolar people (and ii can categorize this because i too am bipolar), we have a tendecy to blame people. our loved ones, even when its no where near their faults (in you guys' case, its not your fault).you try to do soo much and help somebody but ii dont know like ii was that way like ungrateful basically like iim going call your husband no offense ma'am;; ii was doing that to my girlfriend blaming her arguing with her etc til she opened my eyes and made me want to change, but everyones different..however, back to him....thats being ungrateful because youre not doing anything negative to him, nor are you provoking him. youre simply trying to lead him in the right direction to getting healthier...and alcohol isnt very good;; ii talked to my doctor and alcohol and drugs make you more aggressive and flip out and have you know more dramatic episodes when youre coming down off your drug. my best advice so its less stress for you is to leave. but its just advice. dont let me make your decison. think it out. i hope ive helped. God bless
Let his siter take care of him, and to be quite frank it doenst matter how you feel. You are a mother and have a duty to do what is best for the children involved, worry about how they feel, and what they see. it is obvious he is not stable, and is not assisiting in his wellness. He is a grown man with choices, children have no choices- worry about their welfare.
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oh yeaa... .soo with all that said ma'am.... do not blame yourself for you have not done anything negative. ask yourself have you. and if you really havent, like ii believe from what ii read... dont blame yourself nemore...pray.